Sounds like a coping mechanism. I am the exact same way, and it sucks constantly self sabotaging because I’m scared of other people hurting me first. Definitely speak to a therapist, and If able/comfortable, provide an explanation and apology to those around you. It doesn’t excuse, but it does provide context at the least

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I’ve learned to call myself out when I’m ruminating. I will say something like “that’s just ruminating. It’s not gonna solve anything time to move on.” and then I listen to music or an audiobook just to have something else for my brain to focus on.

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I do the same thing.. taking Fluoxetine has helped.

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