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I genuinely need your opinion on this be as harsh or opinionated as possible: Long story short, I cheated on my partner about 2 to 3 years ago. They found out about a year ago over the summer. More in replies:
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Anonymous 1w

I did something very similar and things haven’t been the same sense. Yes we’re still together but every situation is different. But I’ll say this, I believe if two people love each other, then they’ll truly be together

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Anonymous 1w

Because of that, it feels unfair to be put in a situation where I’m expected to cut off people who have become a consistent part of my life, especially after only a few weeks of us reconnecting and trying to rebuild something.

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Anonymous 1w

I do understand his perspective and why he feels uncomfortable with that person being around, and I was willing to try to compromise. For example, I suggested creating more distance between myself and that person within the group or being more intentional about separating those parts of my life. However, he wasn’t open to that. Instead, what he wanted was for me to completely stop interacting with that entire friend group since that person is a part of it.

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Anonymous 1w

That’s where things started to feel overwhelming and difficult for me, because it didn’t feel like a middle ground, it felt like an all-or-nothing choice. I didn’t want to feel like I was being manipulated into having to choose because I cheated.

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Anonymous 1w

I am aware nothing can redeem a cheater, but I didn’t want to be forced into a relationship again especially not like this….

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Anonymous 1w

End of story..for now

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Anonymous 6d

You sound like a complete sociopath tbh. You say you get how much you hurt him, but you balked at him wanting you to stop communicating with your affair partner. So you’re either extremely stupid or you lack any kind of empathy & I’m guessing it’s a lack of empathy. Your ex is definitely an idiot for even giving you the time of day though. You need therapy and to stop dating anyone who’s even a remotely decent person. Date your affair partner since their morals are also low.

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Anonymous 1w

We haven’t talked to each other in about 6 to 8 months when I sent an email saying how genuinely sorry I am about what I’ve done and I wanted to talk again because we were really good friends. Like we knew everything about each other and no matter how much time pass we could have fun together.

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Anonymous 1w

A few years ago, I made the mistake of cheating on my partner. They found out about it around a year ago, and understandably, it caused a lot of damage. After that, we stopped talking for about 6–8 months. Eventually, I reached out through email to sincerely apologize and express that I wanted to take accountability for my actions and possibly rebuild what we had. Our relationship had always been deeply rooted in friendship.

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Anonymous 1w

we knew each other extremely well, supported each other, and could always enjoy each other’s company no matter how much time had passed.

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Anonymous 1w

We started talking again, but things became complicated. He wasn’t fully over what happened, which is completely understandable, and at the time, he was also involved in another relationship. Despite that, we continued communicating. I later sent him a message expressing how much he meant to me and how I truly recognized my mistakes. He responded with similar feelings, and we reconnected again.

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Anonymous 1w

During spring break, we had a deeper conversation about everything our past, our concerns, and what moving forward might look like. We agreed to take things slowly and revisit the idea of a relationship when he transfers to my campus in the fall.

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Anonymous 1w

However, after a few weeks, he brought up that what we were doing already felt like a relationship to him, it seemed that he wanted to talk about the idea of a relationship again. This led to a recurring issue that has caused us to fall out multiple times. The main problem is that I am still friends with the person I cheated on him with, who is part of a larger friend group connected to a hobby I’ve developed over time honestly a hobby that I’ve been doing ever since we started dating.

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Anonymous 1w

Because of this, he gave me an ultimatum: if we are going to pursue a relationship again, I would need to stop being friends with that person and possibly distance myself from that friend group. Otherwise, we cannot be together.

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Anonymous 1w

From my perspective now, I didn’t like being put in a position where I felt like I had to choose between him and my friend group. even though that’s how it ultimately felt to me, regardless of how he framed it.

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Anonymous 1w

I fully understand that I made a serious mistake in the past, and I’ve been trying to take accountability and grow from it every time I’ve reached out to reconnect. At the same time, during the periods when we weren’t talking, I naturally became closer with that friend group, including the person I cheated with. When everything first came out, I ended that relationship immediately and have only been friends with him for about a year now.

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Anonymous replying to -> #1 1w

Sorry there is more but there is a limit to typing

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 1w

Yeah that’s what I had to do, I sacrificed that friend group. It’s been 5 years since, and I miss them so much every single fucking day.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 1w

The second time we stopped talking, we ended on good grounds but then out of nowhere. He just blocked me on everything. I understand why because he wasn’t ready, but I thought we were open to still having our contacts if needed. So that was the time I really thought I would never talk to him again.

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Anonymous replying to -> #1 1w

Are u happy tho?

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 1w

Yes and no, overall still healing

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 1w

I’ll be honest man, I wouldn’t cut off the friend group. I’d just not date him again. That’s very much a me thing- I have a rule about dating exes- but also a never give up your friends kinda thing. This’ll sound cruel, but frankly, you survived without him and your friends were there for you. Not to be a dick, but if your friends supported a cheater, then they’re loyal enough that you shouldn’t abandon them.

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 5d

When we had the argument the first time I broke you with the affair person and I keep it that way. The third or second time we contacted I kept that decision and we just remained friends. I told him I could totally stop being in contact with the guy but that wasn’t enough. He wanted me to drop my only friends who still talked to him. That’s the issue I had.

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 5d

Did you read everything, I mean u could be right and we both actually did therapy. We even had a dual session with each of our therapist about the situation.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 5d

You want him to be cool with you hanging out with a group the affair partner is still apart of. That’s ridiculous. If you don’t like it then that’s your fault. You shouldn’t have cheated, but you did. So now you can either do what your ex needs to feel secure, or you can choose not to and let him go be actually happy with someone else who treats him better and actually gaf about him. You just seem to not want to lose him vs actually wanting to be with him. It’s so freaking gross tbh.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 5d

Like how you don’t hear how you’re talking about the situation is crazy.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 5d

I read everything. I still think you’re probably a sociopath.

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 5d

No, that’s what it was the first time. But I am okay with this now decision, I’m sharing to see opinions and I see urs. I choose to not give up my friend group, they don’t know what we did, I don’t think it’s there business but they like us for the hobby that we all do and other things. I can do those things without talking to that affair person. But he didnt want that, I later found out that there was another motive because he attacked my friend group for no reason and the hobby.

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 5d

I choose to let him be free and find someone else because I fucked up from the beginning. He just made me feel wrong for choosing that decision, like I should dump the group and be with him.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 5d

I’m glad you let him go!

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 5d

Yes but he didn’t like that I did that and said I was choosing my friends over him. It’s the way u look at it and that’s not what I was doing.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 5d

You did choose your friends over him and that’s ok but stop acting like that’s not what you did. At this point I don’t think you’re a sociopath…. You think you can fully cut off one person who’s still active in that said group and you’re hiding it from your friends so that would’ve raised eyebrows because people would notice. & it’s super fucked up to meet up with him regardless of if you talk or not because the temptation is there & you CLEARLY have no self control. Idk what’s not clicking 4u.

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 5d

So….is your issue with me that im not telling the friend group or that u think i rebound to the guy i cheated with. The second is a hypothetical and something i dont see myself doing because i honestly dont wanna date till im done with college and settled in my said job place. Being single is a breath of fresh air rn for me. The first one I don’t think it’s there business what happened between the two of us. So I don’t feel I have to tell them anything because we aren’t a thing anymore.

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