Anonymous #1 4w

Found the guy who got dumped

-8

Anonymous #1 4w

Cheating is a dealbreaker for me in any form. Even though we had no problems in our relationship and I’m positive he never cheated on ME, I just don’t trust cheaters not to cheat again. He hadn’t at 5 months but now I couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t eventually

61

Anonymous #1 4w

I also just think it’s disgusting behavior and lost all attraction to him

41

Anonymous OP 4w

you are so valid for that i’d do the same thing, cheaters cheat !!!

11

Anonymous dark_blue_magnifyingglass 4w

hopefully this is the start of his growth then🙂‍↕️

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Anonymous #10 4w

he clearly has grown if he was in a relationship, and hadn’t cheatrf

6

Anonymous OP 4w

i think you totally valid for this, once a cheater always a cheater in my personal opinion.

3

Anonymous dark_blue_magnifyingglass 4w

he didn’t cheat for 5 months, thts not anything tbh

101

Anonymous #12 4w

Yuck

24

Anonymous #12 4w

definitely not a flex…

19

Anonymous #16 4w

Nah it’s understandable and I agree with your stance. Sure people can change but I wouldn’t trust a cheater either. You staying with him after the fact would just make you suspicious of him which isn’t good for either of you. If he changed then he can find someone who accepts his past. It just won’t be you and that’s perfectly reasonable

14

Anonymous dark_blue_magnifyingglass 4w

Not really. It’s only been 5 months and that ain’t a long time. And changing doesn’t negate the fact he did it. And not cheating in 5 months isn’t a hard thing to do.

51

Anonymous dark_blue_magnifyingglass 4w

Who’s to say he won’t cheat after a year or 5 years? It’s not guaranteed he did it before he can do it again. OP didn’t waste her time she left as soon as she found out about it. You can’t be with someone you don’t fully trust anyway

35

Anonymous #4 4w

I posted it on AITA for a reason

13

Anonymous #20 4w

Unless really young means like before 15, you are not valid.

13

Anonymous #23 4w

My point is that unless someone has addressed the issues that cause them to cheat, they are usually bound to do it again because the moment you cheat on someone, the boundaries you initially had are dulled and it becomes a habit. Proud of you for sticking to your boundaries and not seeing it through.

7

Anonymous #12 4w

You lose them how you get them :)

9

Anonymous dark_blue_magnifyingglass 4w

5 months is nothing 😂😂😂😂😂

7

Anonymous #25 4w

Maybe 🤷‍♀️ Actions have consequences

9

Anonymous #25 4w

Nah not forever there’s ppl out there for guys like him and those ppl are other cheaters lmao I mean look at #12s comment here. She cheated and married the guy she cheated with. He helped her cheat so he’s the same as her 😂

9

Anonymous #8 4w

PERIOD

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Anonymous #24 4w

because god forbid someone make a mistake at age 17 or 20, guess we should treat them like they’re incapable of growth after that

15

Anonymous #29 4w

if someone cheats on their partner at 17 or 20 that is not just a mistake. That is a choice.

18

Anonymous #29 4w

Stop normalizing cheating. It is never okay in absolutely any circumstance, and it does not get any better just because you’re 18

18

Anonymous #30 4w

dig for that stuff because with my ex i was always finding it and never being told. i don’t think you are the asshole tho because that’s not something you want to put up with and that’s 100% your choice and your thoughts on a relationship

5

Anonymous #24 4w

i am not normalizing cheating. i’ve been cheated on before and of course that was a dealbreaker for me! if you personally don’t want to date someone because of any past decisions/mistakes then that is your preference and i will respect that

7

Anonymous #29 4w

but you just told a random stranger that if they made a mistake as a *15 year old* then that is grounds to never have a partner trust them again, or that they’re still a bad person, or that they’ll cheat again, or whatever you mean by “not valid.” that is going way too far.

4

Anonymous #29 4w

Thanks for putting words in my mouth. If someone cheated on their partner at 15 and we’re 45 and they haven’t cheated then yeah it’s chill. If you’re 20 and you cheated at 17 there is little evidence or reasoning that could defend that kind of behavior. I said not valid, as in that is not okay. Just because you say “I was young idk what I was doing” is NOT an excuse when 16+ is old enough to understand consequences and emotions. Yeah you might not be perfect, but cheating is never acceptable

9

Anonymous #29 4w

In absolutely anyway. Unless someone is mentally handicapped and genuinely cannot understand the concept of dating and cheating by the age of 16 and actively choose to harm someone else. That is not okay, and the way the original commenter says so nonchalantly that they cheated and that they’ve matured now, using their age and brain as an excuse shows they take no responsibility and likely are not as good as they think they are

6

Anonymous #25 4w

How is OP the asshole? Genuinely because from my experience once you’re a cheater you’re always a cheater.

3

Anonymous #11 4w

It is valid but also the cheating might as well have been the thing that made him grow and be the person he is today and never cheat again. I know everyone says “a cheater always a cheater” but this is not the case for every single person.

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Anonymous #24 4w

the whole point of #20’s comment was “i made a mistake when i was young, realized i never want to do that, and changed as a person.” there was literally no point in you replying to tell them that behavior wasn’t okay, they said they know that themself now! if you phrase “your actions were not okay” (when #20 obviously knows that) as “you aren’t valid,” that comes off as you attacking their character now. you should proofread your comments before you hate on someone who would agree with you

7

Anonymous dark_blue_magnifyingglass 4w

Been with a cheater, cheated on her last boyfriend, cheated on me, maybe some day they’ll change but never trusting a cheater

4

Maybe you’re right. He insisted it was a mistake he’d never do again, I just didn’t have it in me to trust him. That aside, even if I believed he truly changed as a person I’m still unattracted to him now

4

I disagree when you say cheating is a mistake. It’s not a mistake. He made the choice to be dishonest and violate his gfs trust. He knew he was in a relationship and chose to give his attention to someone else. He knew doing this would hurt his gf but he did it anyway. A mistake is done without any intent to harm like accidentally dropping a glass and it breaks. Sure he can have remorse and change but doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t a mistake.

5

Anonymous #33 4w

It is the case for 90% of cheaters though— you must admit.

4

Anonymous dark_blue_magnifyingglass 4w

Most people don’t change though. Hopefully this isn’t a thinly veiled attempt at making you feel better about yourself for cheating.

1

Anonymous #42 4w

Based on what study? And if it’s personal experience what’s the sample size?

2

Anonymous #43 4w

If you cheat on your partner you need to be prepared for potential future partners not wanting to continue things further if they find out about your past. People who cheat are easily swayed by lust and lack impulse control. People who value their time aren’t going to stick around and find out if you’ve changed. There are people who will be willing to stick around, pursue them instead. Actions have long term consequences as well.

2

Anonymous #23 4w

This was my exact thought process. Things are good and fine now because it’s new, and maybe it’d be fine if I was only looking for a fling, but I’m searching for a life partner. When things cool down and aren’t as fun and interesting anymore I don’t want someone who immediately looks a different direction. For more context, he was dating that ex for two years when he cheated on her and I found out via his cousin who told me about her because she was well-established in his family

1

YTA

0