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AITA 16w
Am I a bad person for not dating people in military? My last relationship he was in the army and had to be sent to the other side of the world, didn’t last as we only were together a month before he left. I can’t do it again but it’s a military town
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27
upvote 81 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

No you’re not. My ex was in the military and he just turned into a massive dick. Avoid them at all costs

upvote 22 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

Like, I feel kind of bad, but I just can’t do another distance relationship. My last three relationships ended because distance. The first time it was high school to College so I can understand why he left, it’s hard. The next one he just decided he didn’t want to do it even though he knew what he signed up for. And then this most recent one just broke my heart because we tried for eight months but my mental health tanked so drastically. I can’t do it again but my friend says it’s “classist”

upvote 15 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

I come from a military family and i decided I never wanted to be with a military guy when I was like, 12 or so because of how it afffected my family. I’m 32 now and my thoughts on it never changed, I barely talk to my parents now actually. Only you know what you’ll be able to handle but trust your gut and experiences to guide u

upvote 9 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

lol def not someone who is serving in the military obviously does not align with my morals so I know to stay clear. One of my non negotiables

upvote 9 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

No ofc not. Not everyone is built for long distance. Also the military does horrible things to people, if you already knew and loved them, supporting them through that or having a 2 way convo would be a different discussion. But these are strangers. You owe them nothing but civility. I was ld with my bf for a long time and it was hard! And then he was conscripted (dif country) and that was a ROUGH 1.5 years. It’s still hard, he’s a different person.

upvote 8 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

I’m in the military and I’ve dated mainly military guys and I will never again date one again. For personal reasons and bc of how much the military changes constantly. So no not a bad person whatsoever. It’s completely understandable.

upvote 7 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

I’m a military brat so I’ve seen how the military affects relationships. Military dating is NOT for the weak. It’s hard on both of y’all and I don’t think it’s unfair to not want to go through that

upvote 5 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

Honestly I’ve had this same boundary too. Not that I don’t totally respect the people who serve in the army I just want a father who will be home with my children.

upvote 5 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

ur not a bad person for not dating ANYONE for literally ANY REASON. i assume you’re on the younger side but understand you have no obligation to anybody, especially in the early stages of dating. people have preferences, i wouldn’t even call you a bad person if you exclusively dated 6’7 curly heads. having a boundary of not dating a someone who can’t see you consistently is absolutely reasonable.

upvote 4 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

No, it’s okay to hold standards of how much you want to interact with this person. I am military and I don’t want a relationship with someone who can’t adapt to that while being true to themselves.

upvote 3 downvote
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Anonymous 16w

No, you aren’t entitled to date anyone for any reason. If you don’t want to date someone you don’t have to date them period!!

upvote 3 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> OP 16w

At least I think that’s the word she uses, she uses a lot of the -ist words when talking about almost everyone so I don’t even remember which one she used. I don’t think I’m a horrible person for that but it makes me worry you know?

upvote 11 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #1 16w

I mean, I think I got kind of lucky with the guy that I did date who was in the military. It was just such a heartbreaking situation and honestly, if he came back home and wanted to try again, I would do it in a heartbeat, but he made it kind of clear that we just can’t do that, that he’s never going to be able to be that person.

upvote 6 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> OP 16w

I thought this same thing. My ex left for the military a few months after we started dating and he came back a completely different person. He was cold and distant. Not the same person I fell in love with

upvote 7 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #1 16w

Oh, OK. That might be the difference, my ex was already in the military. He could be cold at times, but he always had a soft spot for me and he always told me that I made him feel normal :(

upvote 5 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> OP 16w

We broke up for a lot of reasons but the main one was because he was getting deployed soon. It’s hard being in a military relationship and it’s honestly not worth the hurt. You will get through this and you will find someone who will not be at a distance

upvote 3 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #1 16w

It just kind of sucks because every relationship has turned into some sort of distance. I think this last one is the only one where I understand why we broke up because he was very sweet about it and laid it out and explained what was going on. All the other times they were only a few hours away and they just out of nowhere broke up with me. One of them kept using me for sex afterwards even

upvote 2 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> OP 16w

I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. Ik when my ex was gone for 6 months for training, it was one of the hardest things I had to do. I genuinely couldn’t imagine doing it again so I’m so sorry you have had to endure it multiple times. Ik it sucks rn but you will get through it. You will find someone where no distance will be created

upvote 3 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #1 16w

Thanks. I hope I find someone. My campus is so small and I haven’t met anyone there. Here’s to hoping for vet school…

upvote 5 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #2 16w

Your friend is also a bonehead. The military isn’t a class, you can opt in and out of it at any time and it doesn’t necessarily make you higher or lower than anyone else. Your friend needs to find better hobbies than being offended for groups she’s not apart of.

upvote 6 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #2 16w

Oh, she always does that. Also, yeah, my boyfriend was sent to Korea for a year and we made it work for seven months I think.

upvote 7 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #7 16w

Additionally, I made the mistake of dating a marine/sailor and would advise. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t do it. Most other branches are fine, there’s something specially wrong about some sailors 😖

upvote 2 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #8 16w

I mainly dated marines and soldiers and never again

upvote 3 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #5 16w

Oh I dated a marine once and it was….not great. He was so emotionally stunted it was insane

upvote 5 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #7 16w

Stay away from Reserves too

upvote 1 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #8 16w

No, because how can someone have an inferiority complex and still act so superior 🥲

upvote 5 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #7 16w

I knew a marine who drove off a cliff twice while intoxicated. He survived, but is no longer a marine.

upvote 7 downvote