Anonymous #1 7w

Cause I talked to therapist about him

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Anonymous OP 7w

In my opinion ur nta. While I can understand his perspective, such as being upset that u told someone about ur personal relationship issues and potential painting him in a bad light. The point of having a therapist is so u can discuss complex emotions and they can help u navigate through ur struggles. Compare to you telling your friends about your relationship problems, i think a therapist is much more unbiased and private abt their client’s business.

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Anonymous #1 7w

I think it’s important that u guys have a proper sit down where u can discuss ur thoughts and how u guys can better deal with fights so that other people don’t have to be involved in the equation…

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Anonymous #1 7w

Every single time we discussed this, he ends up getting two defensive, and we end up in another fight. When I asked how he feels about therapy or counseling , he said straightforward. He’s against it.

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Anonymous #1 7w

Also, we usually try to keep things very private, and never share what’s happening in our relationship with other people and solve our problems on our own, but sometimes it’s just difficult to put up with someone who is in constant disagreement with you and low-key disrespect you

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Anonymous #1 7w

Then again when he says sorry, I don’t know how sincerely he means it

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Anonymous OP 7w

Do these kind of fights happen often? While fights are common amongst couple in think getting defensive and taking things personally is a sign of immaturity. He should know that you guys are a team working to solve a problem not you and him against each other. I think it’s great that your business is private, but I think keeping each other grounded is also important. Because if neither u or other ppl are pointing out his wrongs, it will enable toxic patterns and the disrespect.

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Anonymous OP 7w

Sorry without change is manipulation. You should take his words with a grain of salt depending on the situation

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Anonymous #1 7w

That’s the thing! He always complains and makes excuses about everything, we are in a long distance relationship though. He does love me, and support me by being there for me. But sometimes when things doesn’t go his way, or he does not agree with what I have to say to him, he just freaks. He is pretty adamant about his perspectives and decisions.

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Anonymous #1 7w

When I suggest something to change, he always reacts, TBH overreacts. I love him a lot and I care for him deeply, but I don’t always get back the same level of care from him

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Anonymous #1 7w

I have tried! I tried giving ultimatums. I tried breaking up with him. I tried blocking him. I fall back. I kept quiet. I acted like everything was fine. We have been together for over six years now. This kind of feels like a distorted fantastical marriage, but with the long distance.

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Anonymous OP 7w

2. You can hold your ground, be just as adamant abt ur perspectives. Stop tolerating his bad behavior because by doing so ur helping him making excuses. Finding a mature, open-minded person is an option even though it might hurt at first. But if you think u love him more than his flaws, then it’s going to be difficult trying to navigate future problems. What’s important is that u stay strong! And dont let him put u down or dismiss u!

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Anonymous OP 7w

6 years of long distance?!?

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Anonymous #1 7w

I am usually pretty vocal too, if he gives me a hard time, I don’t hold back. He makes me really angry when he does stuff like that and he does not acknowledge the mistakes at least doesn’t acknowledge them properly, which is the problem. For example, he’ll make me cry before I go to sleep and then he’ll give me a sorry text or call and say sorry in the morning. It just doesn’t feel fair how frequently he does it.

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Anonymous OP 7w

And then recently, we had a similar situation where he did make me upset and made me cry, he does not want to take accountability for it and doesn’t wanna say sorry because he feels like he does it too often. So he thinks he will not say sorry and just hold onto whatever he thinks is right.. But if it has been disrespectful enough to make a person upset, you should take accountability for your actions . Are some people just indifferent?

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Anonymous OP 7w

My ex and I were in a 1 yr long relationship too and I would constantly have to cry myself to sleep. Overtime his apologies starts to lose meaning. It’s a very toxic environment and honestly once u got out of it u would feel much more freeing being in the arms of a physical person. Even fights feel significantly better bc ur face to face with that person. I don’t know ur relationships but i do get that u have a lot of history. But do u honestly see a future w ur bf? Do u still feel happy?

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Anonymous #1 7w

Great question! And thanks for sharing , I can totally relate to you. I have only been with one person and even though I have tried to push myself and meet other people, I don’t feel the same way and I’m almost feel guilty if I wanna see other people, I feel pretty loyal to him, it’s because I really really love him. Very emotionally dependent on him , and according to him, he is too. But yes, our distance makes things much more unreal, and far-fetched than it really is.

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Anonymous OP 7w

That’s because we are so far away from each other in different countries. Our lifestyles are pretty different. The time difference is crazy However, I do see a future with him . That’s what it has been all about. That’s why I’ve been hanging on so is he for such long time?

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Anonymous OP 7w

Our goal is to get together in the same country that I am in and then get our life together get married

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Anonymous OP 7w

When I was talking to my therapist, he gave me a good point to think about and ponder How would I feel spending my life with a person who constantly does things to piss me off and is unapologetic?

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Anonymous OP 7w

But sometimes he’s just a angel on earth who just makes everything brighten. My life makes me so happy and glad that I have him as a friend as my boyfriend or partner. Which is why it feels very confusing when he just ruins everything the next second. Is this the definition of toxic relationship or what? 🥹😭💀

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Anonymous OP 7w

I wanna share sth w u bc I can relate to u so badly. In the past ive tried so hard to stay loyal to my ex and I did. I tolerate all the hurt, disrespects, and when I finally had the courage to tell him we needed a break. I found out how much better I felt, there was no one yelling at me, i stopped crying. Someone I blocked even reached out to me and he made me laugh everyday. What’s crazy was I thought i was going to marry him, go to college at his state and im so happy i never did.

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Anonymous OP 7w

Yes if being with him feels like an emotional roller coaster then yes it’s toxic 😭😭

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Anonymous OP 7w

Life is full of surprises, it doesn’t go as planned sometimes and that hurts. But when u turn it into something powerful to push u forward, it’s the best reward in the world. U can still wait for how things turned out when u two meet irl, but i hope ur not js limiting the future 50 years into one single path!

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Anonymous #1 7w

Thank you so much for opening up, this is so real I have been waiting for him for a long time now And since we’re finishing college, we are looking forward to next year to have things work out between us. I totally get what you’re saying about taking a break just to give more context. I have done that before and at times I was able to deal with it well too The feeling of freedom that was definitely something. I also experienced during the breaks. But I have the tendency to always go back .

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Anonymous OP 7w

I just give him too much control over my life. Even during the break up periods, I am wondering at all times what do you think about me? I blocked him. I unblock him and I’m paranoid. What he’s thinking about me. Why isn’t he reaching out yet? This is literally the problem on my end

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Anonymous OP 7w

That’s because we’re afraid of regretting our decisions. I used to be scared that oh “what if he’s the loml”? What if he’s the one and I regret it forever? But yk what I regretted the most after I broke up w my toxic ex? That I have given up my chances with another man who had made me felt like no other. Bc if we had broken up sooner this guy could have made me the happiest ive ever been and now he moved away. Even til this day I regretted it and i became a better person after the break up.

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Anonymous OP 7w

This is so so real, we hope that our absence would make them change and be afraid to lose us. But the reason why ur thinking all of this is bc ur not blocking him FOR YOU, ur blocking him to hope to receive something from his end. Once u start doing things for you and put yourself first, that feeling will start to fade!

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