Anonymous #4 5w

as someone who was in an abusive relationship, that isn’t even subtle. that’s blatantly clear and they need to recognize to get out of that.

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Anonymous #1 5w

It’s not that easy for everyone. I’m glad you were able to get out of yours, but not everyone has that mentality or ability

20

Anonymous #4 5w

that’s fair, i shouldn’t speak on an experience i may not understand. hopefully clarity comes to those struggling. i just remember stuff like that being my wake up call but it’s also easier to conceptualize when you look at it as text then irl.

7

Anonymous #5 5w

idk man I’m only a friend if you’re my friend 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Anonymous #5 5w

spending time on a new relationship ≠ kicking your friends to the curb. if you can’t find a balance that’s an issue

102

Anonymous #8 5w

I see your point for sure. I'm just someone who tries to forgive before throwing away a friendship. we're all selfish from time to time. some of us quite often. but hopefully we all try to grow, and if I was in that position, I would want a friend to understand that and help me see how i've hurt them instead of cutting me off

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Anonymous #5 5w

there's a balance we ALL need to find between protecting our peace and being a reliable friend. on both sides of this scenario

13

Anonymous #1 5w

some have situations where it’s dangerous for them. my ex was abusive and we were on a lease together; no way out.

5

Anonymous #4 5w

Someone slowly withdrawing from friends because they’re being manipulated to by an abusive partner is VERY different than a person willfully CHOOSING to stop seeing their friends and miss out on important life events because they make having a partner their entire personality and like them more than their friends. Former deserves support from friends after, not the latter.

4

Anonymous #8 5w

Like #8 said my friendships may not be transactional but they are reciprocal and based on mutual respect. Seeing friends less when you meet someone is fine. Not seeing them at all, not reaching out, and missing big life events cause you like your partner more is something else. Obviously you can point that feeling out when it first starts but if they keep doing it and then suddenly only care once they’re single again they weren’t a real or reliable friend to begin with.

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Anonymous #12 5w

It’s definitely tough especially at first! I’d start by being honest about what you’re dealing with, doing joint events when you can, and just making sure you’re reaching out to people consistently. It can even be a “hey I have a lot of work to go through but I know we haven’t seen each other in a while. Do you just wanna study together for a bit?”

4

Anonymous #5 4w

I agree, plus friendships (relationships actually) should work together. They’re not 50/50 and communication is required for things to work :P sometimes relationships require people to go to 60/30 as long as the person giving the 60 is allowed to give 30 later one too when they need it. New relationships take time to get balance k agree with you!

11

Anonymous #12 4w

Take a step back and see how you’re dividing your time up. Often times it’s about quality time not the length of time you’re with the person

12

Anonymous #15 4w

Exactly! If you hear good or bad news are you reaching out to check up or cheer them on? If they’re trying a new food spot or game are you joining? Doing catch up time in or out of school? Just letting them know you’re still there, still care, and support them even if you’re not around as often is what matters! And the fact 12 is aware of the fact that needs to be balanced is a great sign!

6

Anonymous #12 4w

My best advice is to combine it all, I study and do chores with my friends and partner, catch up with and have hangouts in between classes and sometimes bring my partner along to functions with friends (not always though bc it’s important to have one on one time with them). It’s helped me to think of it as just factors of your life instead of a to do list. For my mental health I still make sure to give myself alone time and a refresh as well.

4

Anonymous #17 4w

Very true but less time ≠ completely ditching friends. And the post isn’t about people manipulated/coerced by abusers but people who willfully CHOOSE to discard friends whenever they get into relationships. Plenty of people do the latter without dealing with the former.

3

Anonymous #18 4w

OP, i think you know this based on your previous replies (to 17 esp)

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Anonymous #18 4w

As a boyfriend to a girl who lost her friends like this, I second this so hard. They would hang out still but their friend just hated that she would talk about me when they hung out. Then ig their friend just didn’t like the split attention? I can’t speak for them because I’m not them, but that’s what it looked like to me. I understand change is hard for everyone but it’s just so frustrating that I had to see the loml lose her best friend because that friend just didn’t like that I co-existed

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Anonymous #18 4w

Just a side note since I’ve been watching this thread for a minute. Taking a step back to appreciate an OP who is actually educated in this topic (it’s clear you can see in the way they respond to comments). Not just someone complaining and talking out their ass, so kudos to OP for actually having real conversations with us instead of just arguing like many on this app do. Genuinely the most fun I’ve had in a discussion in a long time 😁

4

Anonymous #18 4w

Just realized I replied to #18 and not the thread a as whole, sorry dude lol

7

Anonymous #15 4w

i 100% agree! props to the op. and you’re good #15 😂

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Anonymous #5 4w

I’m with #5 on this. True love for a friend isn’t transactional, you give love without expecting it back. If it’s transactional it’s not true love.

0

Anonymous #8 4w

This x10000

3

Anonymous #19 4w

I have a friend who has missed everything I’ve invited them to for the past four months and has cancelled on me last minute I’m supposed to just be ok with that?

8

Anonymous #21 4w

Forgiveness is always important. I don’t think you should rely on your friend to pull through after it’s happened 6 times. But if they want to plan something I’d still hangout and not say f u. You might need to be more careful with what type of friends you surround yourself with though. What I’m talking about is a true friend, not someone who has never spent time with me

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Anonymous #19 4w

Yes this is a true friend, I knew her or have known her for almost 4 years. It sucks, and while I would absolutely go to something that she plans it has yet to happen then she wonders why I hang out with our mutual friend and don’t invite her, it’s bc I’m tired of being disappointed and disrespected. It’s not that I’ve slammed the door shut but I need to have self respect

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Anonymous #21 4w

I’m always going to treat someone the way I would want to be treated. if I had dropped off the planet and stopped having the time to spend with friends, I would be so lucky to hope to have a friend who still loved me and wanted to spend time with me even though I had messed up. Not saying I’d deserve it or that they owe it to me, but it is the kindest thing a real friend would do

1

Anonymous #21 4w

And I mean I don’t blame u for doing that. It seems like maybe you needed to consider your own emotions

1

Anonymous #19 4w

I wish she saw it that way. It’s hard to still want to be friends and I don’t feel bad anymore. This is the other side of “my only friend is my bf.”

1