Damn, honestly probably not normal (I’ve also felt this once or twice before) I think this probably just comes from thinking what we deem as a justifiable punishment for people who commit such atrocious things but at the same time does that really necessarily give us the right to want to harm another human being???? Perchance.
I do mma, no. Maybe when you’re a little kid you think violence looks awesome and heroic/fun, but once you actually experience it or see just how much harm it’s capable of most ppl want no part in it at all. You should always be ready to defend yourself should the worst happen though. I would probably get out more, get involved in combat sports so you know just how easy it is for you to get hurt/die, and then see a professional if you still feel that way. You prob just have too much energy
See I’m coming at it from a more essentialist perspective rather than a moralist one. The wanting, in my mind, is presupposed; it is in the nature of masculinity to ponder, if not outright desire, some sort of act of destruction. The desire I mentioned in OP would then be an effort to find belonging or purpose, a prosocial outlet for that kind of cruel mindset
And free time not being put to good use if that’s what you’re spending time thinking about ngl. I think liam neeson said he used to have similar troubling thoughts and got help for it, usually it’s a sign of other problems needing fixing. Go give yourself more purpose, do work you care about, spend time with family and friends, get into nature, etc.