Anonymous #1 11w

the thing is i *HAVE* a bf. & i TELL PPL THAT. it doesnt seem to dissuade them tho🥲

1

Anonymous OP 11w

Tell them your bf has been taking jujitsu classes and is really into guns now

1

Anonymous #1 11w

😭😭😭😭😭

4

Anonymous OP 11w

I honestly would just live your life and make whatever friends you want, I think it’s important to accept that there will always be shitty people in the world who won’t respect boundaries and it’s not always easy to sus out good from bad people. It does suck tho that men can feel so entitled to intimacy with women that they ignore the fact she’s in a relationship

1

Anonymous OP 11w

You telling them u have a bf doesn’t matter to a guy that believes there’s a chance. And for u to show them there’s no chance is by not even entertaining them past pleasantries and shit

1

Anonymous #3 11w

so...i cant have any guy friends?

1

Anonymous OP 11w

You can, but there’s also nothing you can do about your guy friends liking you

3

Anonymous freestyle 11w

I mean obv you can, but like you can’t stop them from liking you

3

Anonymous freestyle 11w

but like how do i maintain appropriate boundaries where they dont get the wrong idea & i dont feel like im disrespecting myself & my relationship? like ik i cant control how ppl feel but if someone just wants to act as my friend bc they wanna get w me i dont want to entertain them but how do i doooo that

1

Anonymous #6 11w

do or say smth like what??

1

Anonymous OP 11w

Say something about how you want to marry your boyfriend because he does/has something thats unique. If they copy it they’re a fraud if they don’t they’re probably a good friend then. Example would be ranting about a niche topic.

1

Anonymous #6 11w

😵‍💫 i have to do this w every guy?

1

Anonymous OP 11w

Only the ones that act shady when u mention your boyfriend tbh

1

Anonymous #6 11w

i just wanna know how to tell if a guy is a genuine friend or there for a diff reason bc them knowing im in a relationship doesnt seem to matter like this one guy i told i was in a relationship & he was like oh dw i am too & then later on he started being like "we're bf & gf having our first fight" bc i was arguing w him abt smth & i was like ?????? excuse me??? so i just hate feeling like i have to have my guard up all the time & i cant just be friendly when thats the expectation i set & they..

1

Anonymous OP 11w

AGREED TO sorry i ran out of space

1

Anonymous OP 10w

Guys friends will almost always have an ulterior motive especially since you’re attractive. If you want other men in your life then there needs to be consequences if either you or him were to pursue anything intimate. Example are like brother in laws, colleagues, tight social circles.. that kind of thing

1

Anonymous #3 10w

Not true about the “almost always” bit

1

Anonymous #7 10w

Right

1

Anonymous #7 10w

thats what ive always done & i promise i dont see myself as smth special its just when ive done this in the past it hasnt worked out & ive had boundaries overstepped & weird guys act weird towards me & i end up feeling like im disrespecting myself & my relationship without even realizing it just by having them around in the first place. ofc not everyone is gonna think im attractive & not everyone does ik that for a fact

1

Anonymous #8 10w

ofc everyone has diff preferences im well aware of that😭 idk how to describe what im trying to say. like i have the traits that fit societies beauty standards??? if that makes sense. idk i hope yall understand

3

Anonymous #3 10w

well shoot i dont have any of that😃

1

Anonymous OP 10w

“Society” doesn’t have specific beauty standards (ie blonde vs brunette vs ginger…) Literally everyone “has traits… that fulfill beauty standards”. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else

-1

Anonymous #8 10w

im so confused bc society very much does have particular beauty standards & those beauty standards shift over time😭 u can see trends change throughout decades but thats not the point of the post. im not arguing whether im "special" or not & i dont need u to humble me i already talk down on myself quite enough. i just wanted advice on how to handle friendships w guys & how to maintain respectful boundaries thats all

3

Anonymous #8 10w

Still majority of the time. Even if it doesn’t seem it, a guy will wait years

1

Anonymous OP 10w

Best way to try in ur situation is to be as direct as possible. During the beginning hangouts: not only bring up the relationship but also how much youre dedicated to his loyalty and directly say I will never be interested in you non platonically. You’ll have better chances then

1

Anonymous OP 10w

I mean all you can do is just cut them off when they make it weird. it’s not your fault if they do, unless you’re putting off signals without realizing it

1

Anonymous OP 10w

There is no singular beauty standard. Some dudes like fat women, in 2025. Some dudes like skinny women, in 2025. That’s the point. The concept of there being a generic specific beauty standard is not true.

0

Anonymous #8 10w

im sorry but i feel like we're talking abt two diff things rn. we agree but we're labelling them w diff words. regardless u can think however u want i dont care to change ur mind i just would like answers to my question. thank u for ur input!🫶

3

Anonymous #7 10w

thats a part of my issue whenever i just act naturally i think i somehow give off signals bc im not used to interacting w ppl & dont know how to read them/realize when they want smth else & i should be putting up boundaries or when my actions might not be appropriate (ive been extremely sheltered my whole life ofc thats not an excuse which is why im trying to do better its just some background explaining where this tendency comes from)

1

Anonymous #3 10w

how do i go abt bringing that up without coming off as presumptuous?😭

1

Anonymous #9 10w

hi?

1

Anonymous #10 10w

r u able to share them in the comments?

1

Anonymous OP 10w

I can try but visually it’s messier imo for a back and forth

1

Anonymous #10 10w

its alright🫶 if we need we can move to dms later on lets just try this first

1

Anonymous OP 10w

sure- if you’re as attractive as you say, then there’s no helping it that there will always be men who look at you in a lustful way. imo if you want platonic friends and you already have a bf, then I wouldn’t stress so much about what you can do to change the guy’s mind, but what you can do to select for good friends

1

Anonymous #10 10w

how do i select good guy friends tho? like how do i know they actually want to be friends w me bc of my personality & wont try to overstep boundaries later on or arent just waiting around for other reasons? what do i look for or how do i "vet them" for lack of a better term

1

Anonymous OP 10w

well I would think of it as a similar selection process as finding your bf. Also it’s hard to tell because some ppl are just that tricky or deceptive but I would judge based on a person’s behavior over time

1

Anonymous OP 10w

Bros tryna shoot his shot bc u said ur attractive 😭💔

1

Anonymous #6 10w

I just said hi 😂😂

1

Anonymous OP 10w

You’d be correct to assume that 90%+ of the time. And you just bring it up randomly, no build up, no sugar coating or dancing around the bush

1

Anonymous #3 10w

i just feel like ppl who otherwise would want to be friends & have no problem may interpret me bringing that up out of nowhere as presumptuous & think im conceited in some way kind of like #8 did in this post. ugh idk this whole thing is just so hard to navigate

1

Anonymous OP 10w

sorry #7 & #8

1

Anonymous #10 10w

yah ig its just a learning process. idk i was taught my whole life that my thoughts, feelings, opinions, likes, dislikes, wants, needs, boundaries, everything, none of it matters so ig i subconsciously learned to ignore & neglect it all & now that im finally getting a chance its difficult to actually listen to myself & break that habit

1

Anonymous OP 10w

well also idk bout your relationship, but this could also be something to ask your bf about because he could also add some insight esp on what to watch out for on guys

1