Anonymous sea_taco 5d

About what?

1

Anonymous OP 5d

It’s just a pretty vague question

0

Anonymous sea_taco 5d

How? I’m wondering why guys are so scared now

2

Anonymous OP 5d

There’s no reason for me to assume a woman wants me to talk to her, and I don’t want to risk making a woman feel uncomfortable.

22

Anonymous sea_taco 5d

I get confused when I see guys staring but they never say anything. I guess I’m in the stage where I want to flirt and date, but I can tell the guys are nervous.

6

Anonymous #2 5d

How so

1

Anonymous OP 5d

My ex, the only girl I’ve ever dated, made a point to convince me I was worthless after we broke up, and even admitted to intentionally waiting until she had lost all feelings for me before taking my virginity. The closest I’ve ever gotten to a girlfriend besides that was a girl that I recommended some pretty horny rock music to, and found out, months later, that she’d be going around telling people I’d been “threatening to rape” her

10

Anonymous OP 5d

I obviously can’t tell in advance when a girl is going to awful to me, and I just don’t have the energy or fortitude for that shit anymore

8

Anonymous #2 5d

That sucks

8

Anonymous #3 5d

I think we still want to be approached by normal respectful guys. At least I do

15

Anonymous OP 5d

Well like I said a reason why many aren’t is cause of this

15

Anonymous #3 5d

Yeah but if they’re good it should be fine

6

Anonymous OP 4d

Well maybe, but I don’t think you realize how many women will not take it kindly even if the guy is chill. Additionally the idea of even making a women uncomfortable is a deterrent for us both to approach

15

Anonymous #3 4d

I say if they do, then they weren’t the one 🤷🏽‍♀️

6

Anonymous OP 4d

Yeah it’s rly just not worth the potential reputational damage. I know I’m a chill person, but idk what this other person might start telling other ppl after like a 70% chance of them rejecting me. If she’s interested, she can make it known so it’s actually safe to approach. Too many ppl play games, ghost, and just waste time too. It’s sad all around, but I’ve realized unless ik fs it’s safe to approach—that it’s better for me not to

9

Anonymous #6 4d

A lot of guys do that as well. I mean reputation wise, who would I even tell? If I’m not interested I’ll just move on

5

Anonymous #4 4d

Dating

1

Anonymous OP 4d

Yep

1

Anonymous OP 4d

Ok but, as others have pointed out, there are potential risks involved that go beyond just getting rejected

6

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

What’s the likelihood of that happening? I mean girls are over here hoping the guy doesn’t kill us if we say no

2

Anonymous OP 4d

The likelihood is high enough for it to not be worth the risk, especially not on a regular basis. Idk, maybe guys are tired of being treated like potential murderers for trying to get your number. Just a thought.

2

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

For what? If they’re creepy it’s offputting. If they’re a respectful guy and I don’t want it I’ll politely decline

4

Anonymous OP 4d

Your response is not universal, as we have all pointed out multiple times.

2

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

There’s a lot of girls who think the same, and some who don’t

3

Anonymous OP 4d

And we have no way of telling which kind of girl you are because we don’t already know you in advance.

2

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

That’s life tbh.

5

Anonymous OP 4d

The last thing I want to do is approach someone whose first assumption about me will be that I am a murderer who might kill them if they reject me.

1

Anonymous OP 4d

You’re the one who came here to complain about it, not me.

2

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

I never said that’s what we all think. Also, if that wasn’t you, why would it bother you? That’s just what some women think. It’s hard for me to understand

1

Anonymous OP 4d

It would bother me BECAUSE that’s not me.

4

Anonymous OP 4d

“Why would it bother you” like I said earlier the idea of even making a women uncomfortable is deterrent enough

1

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

I can get that but so many girls have that in our mind. Even if they are nice

2

Anonymous OP 4d

I wouldn’t want to put a woman in a situation where she feels like she has to worry about that.

2

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

We always worry.

5

Anonymous OP 4d

I wouldn’t want to be responsible for adding to that worry.

4

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

I still want to date and experience love bc I know it’s out there but we really have to watch our backs

6

Anonymous OP 4d

Yeah and we acknowledged that

0

Anonymous OP 4d

I wouldn’t want to start a relationship with my future wife by doing something that could make her afraid for her safety.

1

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

It’s not that even. It’s hard to explain

4

Anonymous OP 4d

How is “hoping the guy doesn’t kill you if you say no” not being afraid for your safety?

0

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

That’s on a first meeting basis. I’ve Hu with guys who I thought were nice and I obviously liked them but I was on alert before we met at his house or hotel bc I wondered if he had a facade of kindness and then would hurt me. It’s very deep

5

Anonymous OP 4d

Did they give you any reason to be afraid?

4

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

No, but I wouldn’t know that

4

Anonymous OP 4d

If they never made contact with you at all, would you still have been afraid of them if you just saw them going about their business?

0

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

No lol

4

Anonymous OP 4d

So, in the act of making contact (and hooking up) with you, they caused a series of events to transpire which led to you being afraid for your safety, right?

0

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

No. It’s really hard to explain. As a girl our guard is just always up bc they could be pretending or we make them mad and they hurt us. It’s not super upfront but I’m also in my mind to be careful.

3

Anonymous OP 4d

But you just said you wouldn’t be afraid of them if you saw them going about their business, so your guard isn’t *always* up, only after they made contact.

-1

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

It depend on the situation. Am I alone on a street? Yeah my guard will be up. In a mall, around a lot of people? No

4

Anonymous OP 4d

Even if they made contact in a busy place or seemed nice, you still feared for your safety before meeting them alone, no?

0

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

Yes bc guys can switch up quick

5

Anonymous OP 4d

Oh before meeting them alone? Not really just when I met them

4

Anonymous OP 4d

Ok, like I said, I wouldn’t want to put my future wife in a situation where she feels like she has to worry about that.

5

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

It’s not even something the guy will do. Myself and my friends will always let each know if we go over to a guys house, bring weapons just in case, and or have our location on. The guys I went to were respectful , but who knows if I said no to sex (I was a virgin until 24) if they might hit me or force me? I don’t get an average guy to understand , but this is what we live through.

2

Anonymous OP 4d

I wouldn’t want to do anything to contribute to that. I feel like that would make me a bad future husband in the first place.

1

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

What do you think will contribute to it? I’m trying to say that’s it’s just there in our minds bc guys are just sm stronger than us.

2

Anonymous OP 4d

Well as you said, approaching or making contact first seems to inevitably lead to you feeling afraid for your safety at some point in the process. I’d rather just hold off from making any moves at all until someone feels comfortable enough to approach me first. That way there’s no risk of unintended discomfort or fear.

3

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

No, that’s not what I meant. Idk how else to say it but tbh. Like myself and most girls will feel like this no matter what, but still want to date, have sex, experience intimacy etc. it’s not about the contact first. We can weed out the good ones

3

Anonymous OP 4d

We understand why you have to have a guard up, but what we’re saying is we don’t wanna approach if we are just gonna be perceived as a threat

1

Anonymous OP 4d

Oh. I guess I’m just waiting to hopefully be weeded out, then.

1

Anonymous #3 4d

I guess so, but I’m just showing a lense into how we think. I still am wanting those relationships even with that guard. Most guys I’ve talked to have been very respectful.

3

Anonymous #3 4d

There’s guys I myself could approach, and they could still end up being weird

2

Anonymous OP 4d

I mean I still deeply want to experience intimacy and have a relationship, but not if it means my partner will be afraid for their safety. What am I supposed to do? Can I even do anything at all?

4

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

Not really, it I will say, if they’re your partner it should be fine. It took me about two months to really trust my fwb. After multiple dates w him. It really just depends

5

Anonymous OP 4d

I will never feel comfortable subjecting someone to two months of distrust and worry just for the chance to have sex with them

0

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

U aren’t getting it. He had no reason to make me feel unsafe, he was respectful but every girl when she first gets intimate with a guy thinks of a possible, what if? What if he were to hurt me? I’m vulnerable. The guys I’ve fucked were so sweet, but it’s in the back of our minds.

1

Anonymous OP 4d

Oh

1

Anonymous OP 4d

What do you think I should do?

1

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

I mean, what do you want to do? It’s just a mindset we all have

1

Anonymous OP 4d

I don’t know. I feel trapped. I desperately want to experience love and intimacy, but I also want to build it on a solid foundation of trust and comfort from the beginning.

6

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

I don’t think it’s anything u can do. We don’t fully trust 100%. Feel comfortable, yes. Welcome to the life of women.

1

Anonymous OP 4d

Something has got to give.

6

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

I mean this is just what we live with

1

Anonymous OP 4d

The lack of trust or the lack of intimacy and love?

1

Anonymous sea_taco 4d

Lack of trust-the intimacy can be an issue too

1

Anonymous OP 4d

It’s fairly common for a woman to make weird allegations like this one woman accused me of stalking her simply because (?) we saw eachother like twice out in public downtown around the time that I had gotten her number so she somehow believed I was following her and then that turned into a whole shitshow and I got questioned by HR (we worked in the same place) they dropped all the allegations because they were completely baseless.

4

Anonymous OP 4d

It’s really naieve to think absolutely nothing bad can happen to a guy, maybe not physical violence but so many women get irrationally scared or even gaslight and just start outright lying about you and then it causes so many problems that a couple of bad burns and we’re just done with it.

9

Anonymous #8 4d

This one woman liked me but I never reciprocated it and then she went around telling people (including the woman I mentioned earlier) that I was a stalker / creep and made the stalking allegation on her behalf (I was told this) and it’s genuinely insane what some people do.

8

Anonymous #8 4d

Then we have so many examples of like that football player who went to prison and years later the woman admitted on a secret recording that it was all a lie; all her allegations were made up crap; he became famous because he lost his NFL career due to false allegations. Unironically all it takes is one woman saying that you did something to her, no evidence is needed, for it to absolutely destroy your reputation. Even if you don’t get charged, people will never trust you again

10

Anonymous OP 4d

Also if you think that men trust by default 100% that’s also silly. There’s absolutely women who will hook up and steal stuff, or get you jumped and robbed, it’s not because your a woman, it’s distrust in society across the board. There’s been times where I cancelled a date because I felt like she was lying or just felt off about the whole situation.

7