Anonymous #4 4w

mines the third most popular last name in the US but still 😭 it’s MY name that’s on my degrees and research, etc

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Anonymous #6 4w

? explain

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Anonymous OP 4w

If a girl had a really cool and unique last name I wouldn't mind her keeping the last name (hell I might take hers if that were so). In any other case, if she just doesn't want to take my last name I'd ask her to go with a hyphenated last name, as in "Herfirstname Mylastname-Herlastname"

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Anonymous #6 4w

that’s still strange to me. why is she only allowed to keep HER own name if it’s “cool” to you. and why does she HAVE to have your last name at all

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Anonymous OP 4w

That's just kinda how the institution of marriage has gone regarding last names for quite a while. I just said I'd ASK her out of respect for tradition kind of deal but there's no way I can force her into changing it. I'd find it a little strange why she would be so adverse to it, especially if we loved each other so much that we'd want to become family but she can do whatever.

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Anonymous #6 4w

? it’s how it was done bc marriage was literally about men owning their wives. I think it’s weird a man NEEDS his wife to change her NAME like her #1 form of identity just to “prove” she loves him. why can’t she love you while having HER name

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Anonymous OP 4w

I don't really understand why someone would need to die on that hill it's really just a surname. I would just ask why though cause it is technically abnormal by societal standards. I'd only have to disagree against the idea of it implying ownership though. Was just giving my two cents and I feel like I could speak on behalf of most men who actually have a chance of getting happily married.

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Anonymous #6 4w

it’s only abnormal to OUR society. SOOOO many societies the women keep their last name and the kid gets both last names. it’s also not an opinion about ownership. that is the facts. the only reason it ever became tradition is to show she went from being owned by her father to being owned by her husband. also, I agree. why would you need to die on this hill by suggesting she doesn’t love you if she doesn’t want to change her identity. why does she NEED to have your name. the only argument I’m-

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Anonymous OP 4w

hearing from you is basically “well she has to have my last name at least somewhere in her name bc it’s weird if she doesn’t.” doesn’t sound like a good reason to me to change my NAME literally my identifier. have to do all the paperwork. have a different name than all my degrees and research articles. I don’t understand how you can’t see the POV of why someone would want to keep THEIR name

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Anonymous OP 4w

Third and last time I'll reiterate, I would A-S-K that she take my name or hyphen ours, but no one in their right mind is gonna call off the marriage if she refuses. She can do as she pleases. While I think it shows a great deal of respect for the "institution of marriage" it's frankly not that deep. You seem to feel like I'm taking a much stronger stance than I really am. At any rate you could go by whatever last name you want professionally, it's not really an all-or-nothing kind of deal.

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Anonymous OP 3w

See I didn’t care about the name tradition either, until the SAVE Act was introduced to Congress. Requiring either a passport or a birth certificate to vote. Married women without passports would have to hope they still had their name change documents, or else they’d lose the vote. I’m not risking my voting rights.

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