Anonymous seeya_space_cowboy 10w

My guess

32

Anonymous seeya_space_cowboy 10w

well in a lot of ways. we had an argument last month bc he didn't see the need of me going to pride bc we were dating, let alone like asked to come with to support me. i don't celebrate the 4th of July because of the way the US treated queer people, he was mad about that bc i didn't want to go to his families bbq, even though I told him weeks ago. plus just in general there is a vibe about him that i cant really put in words

16

Anonymous freestyle 10w

being queer IS apart me though, and i want him to accept that. he thinks bc i'm in a straight passing relationship it changes that but it doesn't.

8

Anonymous #4 10w

i explained it in response to seeya_space_cowboy

1

Anonymous #3 10w

respect me for who I am and support me ans understand that this is a inherently a queer relationship bc i'm queer even though it is straight passing

2

Anonymous OP 10w

Ahhh that makes sense now, so he doesn’t see you as queer since you’re dating him. It’ll probably be hard to explain that to him, I mean it was hard to understand for me and I’m queer myself lol.

21

Anonymous OP 10w

ouuuu i can understand being upset about him not wanting you to go to pride although i would definitely say you're completely off base with the 4th of july. you aren't celebrating the current united states government, you're celebrating the american victory over britain, and the soldiers who have died defending the general freedom in this country. while i understand the sentiment that the freedom isn't as free for a lot of minority groups, i think the 4th is a really important holiday

10

Anonymous OP 10w

I’d think of it less as you celebrating 4th and more of you being at the bbq

14

Anonymous OP 10w

Had a friend with this issue. She grew up in a very Christian household so when she dated a bi man she thought he was therefore straight. The way I explained it was by comparing her idea to Schrödinger's cat. If he was dating a man when they met he wouldn’t therefore be gay and not find her attractive, he would still be bi.

12

Anonymous seeya_space_cowboy 10w

i'm an immigrant, well my parents are but my my ancestors weren't apart of that victory, and between that and being queer being around my bfs very white very american family makes me a bit uncomfortable, especially with the news around immigrants rn. i had explain this to him multiple times and i of course feel awful about it and he says he understands but is still cold abt it so idk

9

Anonymous #4 10w

i also did end up going to the bbq but we were only there in time to see the fireworks. i just couldn't spend all afternoon there

6

Anonymous OP 10w

Why are yall even dating in the first place? 2 completely different mindsets

5

Anonymous freestyle 10w

um we love and trust each other?? have similar interests, and a lot in common plus mutual friends like normal reasons ppl date??

6

Anonymous OP 10w

After reading your comments it’s pretty obvious that this is an important issue that yall do NOT have a similar interest in

6

Anonymous freestyle 10w

i'm not saying it's not important but isn't that just part of being in a relationship? like this issue isn't worth breaking up over at least not yet. especially bc i think he is willing to be better, and im willing to work with him. i genuinely think it's just a lack of experience on his part since im the first queer woman he's dated

5

Anonymous OP 10w

so i don expect him to be perfect but that doesn't change my frustration but just bc im frustrated doesn't mean i can't or won't eventually forgive.

3

Anonymous OP 10w

By that logic though, couldn’t he say it’s an inherently straight relationship cause he is straight?

0

Anonymous OP 10w

Honestly this sounds like you guys are just fundamentally incompatible and should break it off. It’s sounds like he doesn’t respect the way you identify, and you don’t respect his family or traditions, so you’re probably both better off finding people who actually get you.

14

Anonymous #3 10w

i respect his family? they just make me a bit uncomfortable bc in the past they've made some comments abt me that were insensitive and he agrees with me that they were out of line for that and apologized on their behalf. so and like i said i did end up going to the bbq. he respects my identity he just isn't really aware of what that means and we r working on it. it's just a rough rn and i wanted to know if anyone had any advice

6

Anonymous OP 10w

which is why i asked

4

Anonymous OP 10w

Here’s a way to put it, if someone isn’t dating anyone does that make them ace? Ask him that

8

Anonymous #3 10w

I mean not really since being straight would be the norm. Queer means it's not. Plus i'm also gender non conforming, (my pronouns are she/they) and so technically speaking he isn't in a straight relationship even though he identifies as straight.

2

Anonymous OP 10w

bc that would invalidate my gender identity as a women*

3

Anonymous #7 10w

why is that everyone's solution?? yall never been in love before 😭

1

Anonymous OP 10w

Well if he doesn’t acknowledge your queerness he doesn’t love you

8

Anonymous OP 10w

So he identifies as straight but is dating a gender non conforming person?

6

Anonymous #4 10w

Well when we started dating I wasn't gender nonconforming. I'm a woman except for on the days when i'm not a woman, idk i'm struggling with it kinda but he's aware of that and when i told him abt it I actually thought he was gonna break up with me but he didn't. I've always been bi though, he's known that since we met. So that is kinda a non issue but it's another reason why it technically isn't a straight relationship even though

3

Anonymous OP 10w

he ids as straight

3

Anonymous OP 10w

Ahhh so he grandfathered in being straight

5

Anonymous #4 10w

Straight can be attracted based opposite sex or gender. If his sexual attraction is based on the former then he is using the correct terminology.

5

Anonymous #7 10w

he does love me, this is just a rough patch

1

Anonymous #4 10w

yeah that could help but it's less with other people more so with me.

5

Anonymous #4 10w

i guess you can say that idk. I "came out" to him in March and since then it's been rough. However we've been through so much together to call it quits but who knows. maybe he's been acting like this bc i am too much and he can't handle it anymore and wants to break up but is scared. we've been together for almost two years at this point and this is probably the worse rough patch yet but he's hasn't been like i don't love u anymore so idrk.

3

Anonymous OP 10w

Best thing you can do is make him feel comfortable enough to express himself in that way and wait

4

Anonymous OP 10w

If you want to message me or something about it feel free to

2

Anonymous OP 10w

Okay that’s different, I think you just phrased it badly the first time. “His family has made insensitive comments” is very different than “his very white very American family makes me uncomfortable”. Like if I said I can’t spend the afternoon with my girlfriend’s family because her very black very foreign family makes me uncomfortable, you would [rightly] tell her to break up with me on the spot.

-2

Anonymous OP 10w

You can be bi and still be in a straight relationship, if he’s a man and you’re a woman. You coming out as non-conforming would make it a queer relationship, but if you only came out a few months ago and you’ve been together two years, that means that for most of the relationship, this was a straight relationship in his mind, and you basically just yanked the carpet out from under him by telling him it isn’t. And he’s trying to keep it going by still thinking of you as a woman in his mind.

5

Anonymous OP 10w

Does he love you, or does he love who he thought you were prior to coming out to him? Cause from what you’ve described, it sounds like he’s still trying to cling on to who he thought you used to be.

10

Anonymous OP 10w

Building off what #3 said. You mentioned you were struggling with it yourself so him having trouble is understandable.

9

Anonymous #3 10w

If a woman was bi and dated a straight guy that would be a queer relationship since one of them isn’t straight/cis, I also don’t like your framing of “yanked the carpet out from under him” because it’s not like op can control if they are gender non conforming or not.

1

Anonymous #8 10w

I mean, OP theirself just said above that they want him to acknowledge that since she’s queer that means he’s in a queer relationship, so it’s kinda more than just an implication, it’s an outright demand…

-3

Anonymous #3 10w

I wouldn’t say it’s a demand, it’s just the correct label.

1

Anonymous #10 10w

What?

9

Anonymous #4 10w

If a bi woman dated a straight guy, that would literally be a heterosexual relationship between two cisgendered people, regardless of the fact that she might also be attracted to other people. I don’t know to explain that in a way that’s more clear. If OP is not a woman, then it’s not the same thing; but if he was under the impression she was almost two years, then he just got informed that one of the biggest foundations of the relationship is not true, whether you like the framing or not.

5

Anonymous #3 10w

So does the bi woman dating a straight guy not make her bu?

3

Anonymous #4 10w

Bi*

2

Anonymous #3 10w

Demand is crazy but i was moreso saying in general thats a pattern ive noticed. Its not a demand or a forceful thing if OP is literally queer lmao its just a fact

8

Anonymous #3 10w

But you do realize op can’t really choose to not be gender non conforming so yeah I don’t like your framing.

5

Anonymous #4 10w

I dont think you should be honoring the fact you're attracted to girls if you're in a relationship with a guy. You're exclusive to someone, why are you prideful towards the fact you also like other people.

-4

Anonymous #4 10w

I rest my case

-1

Anonymous #3 10w

Cool, still wrong

3

Anonymous #4 10w

You’re confusing the label for the relationship and the people. Two bi men would be a homosexual relationship, the men would still be bi. Add a straight woman and the relationship is now bisexual, she is still straight.

7

Anonymous pirosnake 10w

Queer is a catch all term for LGBT

1

Anonymous #4 10w

Exactly, and while OP is queer the relationship is not.

7

Anonymous #4 10w

No, she’d still be bi, but being bi doesn’t change the fact that she’d still be a cisgendered woman in a relationship with a cisgendered member of the opposite sex. So you could still say *she* is queer, but she’s a queer woman in a straight relationship.

0

Anonymous pirosnake 10w

But the OP is gender non conforming

6

Anonymous #3 10w

Isn’t op gender non conforming?

4

Anonymous #4 10w

wtf does that mean chat?

1

Anonymous #4 10w

Yes, I do realize she can’t really choose. But you do realize that her not being able to choose doesn’t change the fact that he’s finding out almost two years in that one of the key pretenses the relationship was founded on isn’t true, right?

0

Anonymous #11 10w

Op doesn’t confirm to gender labels and is queer and that makes it a queer relationship.

4

Anonymous #3 10w

I just disagreed with the wording of “janked the carpet out from under him” because it has a more malicious implication and like they chose it.

4

Anonymous pirosnake 10w

I disagree with your definition of straight.

-1

Anonymous #4 10w

Okay, but OP only came out as gender non-conforming a few months ago, while they’ve been dating for two years. So for most of the relationship, he understood he was a straight man in a straight relationship with a bi woman. And now two years in he’s being told “actually, you’re in a queer relationship with a gender-nonconforming person.” And he’s not adjusting well.

1

Anonymous #3 10w

I mean if he’s that uncomfortable with being in a queer relationship he can leave. He’s not forced to date op.

8

Anonymous #4 10w

And that’s why we’re all telling OP it sounds like they should break up

1

Anonymous #3 10w

Ah tbh I’ve always had the opinion that you should only really guide someone into that decision and help them understand why they should, instead of just telling them because usually they never listen to you.

6

Anonymous #3 10w

this makes it seem like I was lying about my identity for two years when i wasn't. i was a cis gendered women until i realized i wasn't, so it's not like that entire time before i came out was a lie. it would be if i had known abt it a kept it from him that entire time.

5

Anonymous #3 10w

i don't prefer to say i'm in a heterosexual relationship, since i am queer. even before i was non comforming saying i'm in a straight relationship when i'm not straight is erasing my bisexuality. i prefer straight passing.

4

Anonymous #9 10w

that's what i'm saying maybe i should've asked the LGBTQIA community 😭

13

Anonymous #10 10w

You don’t stop being queer when you’re in a straight passing relationship, you would still be queer and pride parades are for celebrating being queer in a world that doesn’t take too kindly to it.

8

Anonymous #10 10w

just bc i'm im a relationship with a cis man does NOT mean i'm not longer queer babes

6

Anonymous #3 10w

haven't changed really just my pronouns did, i still dress and act the same like i said before it's relatively new to me. i'm a woman except sometimes im not

3

Anonymous #11 10w

i like men and women :)

8

Anonymous #11 10w

no i wouldn't say that

7

Anonymous #11 10w

mmm no

0

Anonymous OP 10w

He clearly thought it was straight, whether you prefer straight-passing or not

-1

Anonymous OP 10w

What makes you sometimes not?

1

Anonymous #3 10w

but it's not straight since i've never been straight, and yes to someone who sees us on the street we would appear to be a straight couple but it can't be a hetrosexual relationship if one of the members isn't heterosexual 😭 like if i dated a lesiban i wouldn't be in a lesiban relationship, i still be in a queer relationship bc i'm not exclusively attracted to women unlike a lesiban.

1

Anonymous #3 10w

4 (i think?) was right when they say that queer is an umbrella term. i don't feel comfortable saying i'm in a straight or lesiban relationship bc im not straight or a lesbian

1

Anonymous OP 10w

A heterosexual relationship doesn’t *have* to mean that *you are heterosexual*. A heterosexual relationship, by definition, is a relationship between two members of the opposite sex. Just like if you had dated a woman, you would still be bi, but you’d have been a bi woman in a homosexual relationship, because it’s a relationship between two same-sex people.

4

Anonymous OP 10w

Now the fact that you’ve since come out as non gender conforming, *that* makes it a queer relationship. Because it’s a man and a non gender conforming. That I agree with you on. What I’m trying to tell you is that even if you think it has always been a queer relationship, *HE* never thought it was one. He is a straight man who believed he was in a hetero relationship with a cisgender bi woman.

1

Anonymous OP 10w

I’m not saying you lied to him; I’m saying you are telling him now something that completely changes his understanding of what the relationship fundamentally is. And it sounds like his way of handling it is to just keep treating it like his old understanding is essentially still the case.

1

Anonymous OP 10w

You may have come out to him as non-gender conforming and that makes the relationship queer, but he still identifies as a straight male and isn’t comfortable saying he’s in a queer relationship, so in order to keep the relationship without breaking his identity, in his mind he is still essentially classing you as a woman so he can treat the relationship as straight.

1

Anonymous #3 10w

A lot of queerness can't be defined by definitions. I know that sounds a bit wacky but it's true. You just can't grasp the concept of how I don't consider myself in a hetrosexual relationship because you yourself are not queer, and that's okay. i don't know how to explain it to you any better but I suggest doing more research on the sexuality diaspora if you so choose and I kindly ask you to stop saying i was in a hetrosexual relationship.

3

Anonymous #3 10w

Except he knew it wasn't a straight relationship 😭 I've always been queer, i've always been non comforming. He literally used to call me a butch lesbian as a joke, and now that I've become aware that I don't identify with being a women things have changed. I think it's just hard for him to come to terms with it being real, but he's himself isn't really a traditional man. It's part of why I liked him at first bc i've never mad a straight men that has a healthy relationship with femininity.

1

Anonymous OP 10w

met*

4

Anonymous OP 10w

I get that YOU don’t consider yourself to be in a heterosexual relationship; what I’m trying to tell you is that THE OTHER PERSON HAS AN IDENTITY TOO. You’re trying to determine the relationship 100% off of your own feelings with no regard for how the other person identifies, even if you were hypothetically dating a lesbian you wouldn’t let her consider herself to be in a lesbian relationship with you because that doesn’t apply to *you*. That’s not queerness, that’s just narcissism.

1

Anonymous OP 10w

These were your words just above

0

Anonymous #3 10w

i should've phrased that better tbh. I meant i hadn't realized it yet. also im not forcing him to consider himself in a queer relationship. he's not here to defend himself but he doesn't care. he just loves me for me. it's what he said when when I came out. all these labels aren't what really matters anyway, i made this post more so because i feel as if he has been drifting away and i was upset he didn't want me going to pride this year.

10

Anonymous #3 10w

and the thing with his family is a whole other horse of a different color, he can only take too much of them too because they are very hardcore conservatives. he wanted me at the bbq more so for moral support less so bc he wants me to form a deep bond with his family. and i've said like 100 times we did end up going together for a bit towards the end.

6

Anonymous OP 10w

You should block it out. You're dating a man, you shouldn't pay attention to attraction towards ANYBODY else

-3

Anonymous #10 10w

that's not what pride is about or for like at all. it's not like im going to a strip club and paying for lap dance, waving a bi flag at a pride parade is like not even remotely close to what ur talking about

6

Anonymous #3 10w

just how im feeling that day fr, i call them my they days

3

Anonymous OP 10w

Do you do anything different on your they days?

1

Anonymous OP 10w

Well regardless, we cant help you, you started dating him straight and just as much as you want to go to a pride parade, he as just as much of a right to not approve of it. The best thing you can do is talk about it, if he doesn't want you going, you have to ask yourself if its worth him not approving, or if you don't go out of respect for him.

-3

Anonymous #3 10w

why u questioning my gender identity dawg 😭

4

Anonymous #3 10w

understanding is different than "forcing him to consider himself in queer relationship" right now it feels like he doesn't understand that it is

5

Anonymous #10 10w

first of all, im an adult. im my own independent person and no one "approves" of anything i do except me. second of all you do not understand the question or my sexuality or this relationship in the slightest. either read my other comments to understand what the situation is (and ask questions if you're confused) or move on

3

Anonymous OP 10w

That mindset is begging for a failed relationship. If it doesn't do too much to affect you but it helps your partner a lot, why wouldnt you do it? Same reason you should be able to tell him you don't like a female friend and him cut her off out of respect to you

-1

Anonymous OP 10w

And why would he acknowledge your queerness? You got into a relationship with him straight then told him halfway trhough you also like girls. Its crazy enough he didn't break up with you on the spot, so the least you can do is respect his wishes going forward

-4

Anonymous #3 10w

like seriously why is it an issue for you that i no longer id as a woman

1

Anonymous #10 10w

he knew i was bi before we started dating. i didn't not go into the relationship with him thinking i was straight. he should acknowledge my queerness bc i'm genderfluid. i use she/they pronouns and our relationship is no longer heteronormative. also i would never ask him to cut off one of his female friends bc i TRUST him.

10

Anonymous #10 10w

also that mindset is a healthy one to have. you shouldn't need your partners approval to do anything except obviously consent when it comes to bedroom stuff but going to pride is about celebrating the years of oppression that the LGBTQ community has faced, as well as honor those who broke those barriers that came before us.

5

Anonymous OP 10w

You can trust him and also want to be respected and vice versa. I think its disrespectful at least in a straight relationship to have opposite gender good friends. My girlfriend knows she can't have male friends and I know not to have female friends. Its basic respect.

-3

Anonymous #10 10w

no it's controlling 😭 you should trust that they don't have feelings for their friends tf?? feel bad for ur girlfriend tbh

6

Anonymous OP 10w

You calling that controlling is the reason 50% of marriages end in divorce. Any amount of respect is called controlling. She can have male friends if she wants, but I wouldnt date her. She respects me and i respect her

-4

Anonymous #10 10w

i'm not a woman, and how is it cheating?? he knew my sexuality before we dated, i told him that im genderfluid a few months ago, which has nothing to do with the genders im attracted too.

2

Anonymous #10 10w

it's not respect if you don't allow her to have male friends. not allowing her to do anything is very controlling. do you allow her to go places by herself?? afraid she'll cheat on you of she goes to the supermarket unaccompanied 😭

3

Anonymous OP 10w

Okay sure shes allowed, I just wouldn't be dating her. She goes where she wants. Not having guy friends is literally the bare minimum.

-3

Anonymous #10 10w

according to insecure people maybe it is but you should have enough trust in your girlfriend if she's friends with guys, like what if she had a brother? or she only works with men? or her lab partner is a guy? you expect her to just ignore them and be closed off like what is the only guy she can talk to is you?

4

Anonymous #10 10w

and you also should be able to befriend girls with like cheating on them

3

Anonymous OP 10w

I said close friends, idk why ur projecting but yeah i expect her to do those things, but shes not gonna go home and text her lab partner about himself ect. And i wont do the same. Im very secure in myself and part of that comes w expecting respect

-3

Anonymous #10 10w

ur a weirdo and r kinda giving off homophobic vibes since you still haven't replied to my other comment

5

Anonymous #11 10w

No, people aren’t queer by association. It’s still a heterosexual relationship but that doesn’t mean both people are straight. Just makes him (hopefully) an ally.

11

Anonymous mother_russia 10w

This seems like something you need to have a long hard conversation with him about. The root of the issue isn’t just “he’s not acknowledging my queerness” but could go much deeper into political, social, and moral beliefs.

8

Anonymous mother_russia 10w

Main worries about this behavior is that he might have been hiding personal beliefs or feelings from you, like thinking dating him means you aren’t queer and that pride is just for hooking up and promiscuous. Another issue is he sounds kind of republican (most men hide it heavily when dating currently) so you might want to just ask him open ended questions about things he thinks without offering your opinion first (regurgitating phases or opinions is a big way people hide their beliefs).

8

Anonymous mother_russia 10w

Me personally, I would find it incredibly disrespectful for my bf to not support or acknowledge my sexuality or queerness and to be against me going to pride. That’s something I wouldn’t tolerate in my relationship even if we were far into it, as it’s an important part of me and to love me you can’t just pick and choose parts of me, but your queerness might not be that important to your identity which is understandable

6

Anonymous OP 10w

It’s not, I’m asking cause I want to understand

5

Anonymous #14 10w

Also I’m curious, earlier you mentioned there was a vibe about him. What does that mean?

10

Anonymous #14 10w

he just kinda shuts down whenever i mention being or talk abt queerness

4

Anonymous mother_russia 10w

He let me go to pride last year but i think this year he was just worried about it because I came out as genderfluid and i think he's still processing that a bit and kinda clinging on the days when I feel aligned with womanhood. As for politics, he's definitely not conservative even though he comes from a conservative family. So i'm good on that, i think this is just something that is taking him a bit harder to grasp which is understandable

3

Anonymous #3 10w

no i don't do *techinally* do anything different on my they days but i also don't do anything different on my woman days bc i was definitely joking when i said that. i don't really want to get into my gender identity and what it means since i am still struggling with it myself. i know i don't fully feel like a woman all the time and that's okay.

5

Anonymous OP 10w

Honestly, your wording is throwing me off. He “let you” go to pride last year?? That doesn’t sound too great. It sounds like he’s got quite a bit of deconstructing to do about internalized homophobia/transphobia. If that’s something you are willing to hold his hand through, then go for it.

6

Anonymous OP 10w

he LET you???

4

Anonymous OP 10w

He definitely is even if it seems unintentional. Having a hard time understanding it and actively trying to ignore or deny it with you and stopping you from going to pride is absolutely homophobic. It doesn’t honestly sound like he is TRYING to learn or understand while you are bending over backwards to make excuses for him and be understanding.

12

Anonymous #3 10w

Well if you wanna date a genderfluid person its also weird to prefer to push parts of their identity aside because you “prefer” them the one way, if you wanna be with someone long term you can’t just disregard parts of their identity

12

Anonymous mother_russia 10w

1000% agree with you ive had friends that dated guys kinda like this that they defended, it wasn’t until one of them called me the d-word (im sure yk but for others in the comments its a slur against lesbians) where i learned not to completely trust their judgement

5

Anonymous #16 10w

Sure these kinda of conversations can be uncomfortable to navigate especially for someone that isn’t a part of the community themselves, but it’s fundamentally necessary for your relationship to thrive without either feeling like they’re giving up parts of themselves just to be together, Theres a possibility a convo like this might cause more issues but if thats the case this might be a dealbreaker for both of you, it doesn’t make either of you bad people just incompatible romantically

6

Anonymous OP 10w

And Im telling you, the reason it feels like he doesn’t understand that it is, is because he thinks of you as a woman that he is in a straight relationship with, and always has thought that way. Even if he used to joke that you were a butch lesbian, a butch lesbian is still a woman. That’s why he shuts down whenever you try to mention your queerness. ‘Labels mean nothing and I love you for you’ is his way of protecting himself, so he doesn’t have to change the labels he’s still using in his head

4

Anonymous OP 10w

Being bi was never a problem for him, because even if you also like women, you were still a woman who was attracted to men and chose to be with him. But if he’s a straight man and you’re gender fluid, that is a problem for him, so he doesn’t want to hear about it, because as long as you don’t talk about it he can still just think of you as a woman the way he always did.

2

Anonymous OP 10w

Don’t take my word for it. Ask him. Ask him directly, if this is how he sees you and your relationship.

1

Anonymous OP 10w

Okay i'll be real, asking people on the internet anonymously wont do anything. You're best bet is to sit down, talk to him, make your feelings known and ask him for his. Based of that you guys needs to come to a conclusion. Its your relationship and only you guys know everything about it, so the only way to deal with this is to talk to him about it.

3

Anonymous OP 10w

Hmmm. Maybe bring that up and try to figure out why that is? Hopefully it’s some fundamental misunderstanding that can be talked out

7

Anonymous OP 10w

That’s not good dude 😭 it doesn’t sound like he’s open to even a conversation let alone changing on anything. Try letting him know in advance that you have a scheduled time to talk about this issue sometime this week (or whenever you see him next) so he has time to mentally prepare for the conversation and you too.

6

Anonymous #17 10w

That’s honestly crazy to say as someone queer. Yes your actual identity matters even if it’s a more passive trait. Being queer is apart of OP no matter what relationships she is in, and especially more so with being gender fluid. It’s still just a fact about a person and has to do a lot with their history and anyone should be able to expect their partner to respect that.

6

Anonymous #17 10w

Not being allowed to go to pride events because of your partner is a huge issue. No partner should ever be stopping them from going to a pride parade as a queer person, like that’s just crazy to say it doesn’t matter op’s bf is doing that.

7

Anonymous mother_russia 10w

Obviously she can do whatever she wants, but how is it relevant to the relationship directly

1

Anonymous #16 10w

Could you explain to me how this works with bi people? Do you embrace the part of their sexuality that isn’t solely attracted to you or do you live with them as though they were straight or gay? Would that not mean that you prefer their straight or gay “side” and want to be with that side long term?

1

Anonymous #16 10w

Well he believed she was cis for most of the relationship, they didn’t realize they were genderfluid until relatively recently, so it’s not that weird

1

Anonymous #3 10w

ur phrasing is still off here. he believed i was cis bc i identified as cis.

3

Anonymous mother_russia 10w

I did go to some pride events with friends and i bought some pride merchandise. It was one specific parade i wanted him to come with me too that he didn't want to go too, and i didn't want to go alone so i just didn't go. I guess i could've worked on my phrasing in a lot of my comments but he didn't actively forbid me. He just expressed discomfort and didn't want to accompany me and now that we've talked abt it i can see why. I think it just would've been too real for him at the time.

6

Anonymous OP 10w

i wasn't however entirely denied pride, and he said he'll make it up to me so i might drag him to a drag bunch here soon lmao

2

Anonymous OP 10w

By they I meant you

1

Anonymous #18 10w

Well they’re still attracted to both genders regardless of what you prefer or not, straight people are still attracted to the opposite gender wether or not they’re in a relationship, same with gay people, but lgbt people have had to do a lot of work to get where we are with acceptance to hide the parts of themselves that are ‘inconvienent’, im not saying do threesomes or open the relationship, im saying that queer people still need to have some connection with their community it doesn’t have to-

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Anonymous #16 10w

- Be just for seeking sexual/romantic connection, what you’re describing is commonly referred to as “bi-erasure” they’re gonna be bi no matter if or who they’re in a relationship, they’re a whole person, like if someone has dual citizenship you wouldn’t say they’re only American when they’re here but treat them like a foreigner the second they leave the country, its not taking into account their lived reality yk? Obviously you can want to be with them long-term many bi people are monogamous and-

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Anonymous #16 10w

-Only have eyes for their relationship when they’re are in one.

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Anonymous #3 10w

Yeah ig i thought it was less recent for some reason, I understand everyone has their own timeline when it comes with coming to terms with these things, but honestly if thats a dealbreaker for him to accept and have a normal conversation about it without shutting down, he should be an adult and walk away

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Anonymous #17 10w

Tri what now?

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Anonymous #11 10w

To him it seems that way, a lot of people here aren’t understanding that. To him it seems that OP constantly stressing that they’re queer means that OP is in a queer relationship with him, and thus he must also be queer. OP doesn’t seem to notice that and thinks he is weird for not wanting that (which he prolly should be more supportive of but his feelings are valid as well)

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Anonymous OP 10w

I mean is it not a straight relationship if ur a girl and he’s a guy, even if ur bi

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Anonymous OP 10w

Not going to his 4th of July bbq is crazy if uve been dating this long

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Anonymous #20 10w

😎

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Anonymous OP 10w

Oh okay that’s a lot less concerning 😂 I take back my comments about that

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Anonymous #20 10w

I had to look it up but it’s just attraction to three genders, any three.

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Anonymous mother_russia 10w

What’s the third gender?

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Anonymous #20 10w

Every time I have sex with your mom I another gender, would you like more?

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Anonymous #4 10w

L u didn’t even write it all out properly ur missing a word

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Anonymous #4 10w

But seriously WHAT IS THE THIRD GENDER

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Anonymous #20 10w

Now it’s 4

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Anonymous #4 10w

Not answering my question

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Anonymous #20 10w

There are a lot of gender identities. If we want to talk strictly sex then the third sex would be intersex. If we are talking about gender identities then there is woman, man, gender fluid, bigender, nonbinary, etc. like it’s way more than just three.

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Anonymous #20 10w

I assumed you meant sex when you said gender but they aren’t interchangeable words btw

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Anonymous mother_russia 10w

Isn’t the whole point of nonbinary to get away from gendering ppl into boxes why are you just putting them back in a box

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Anonymous #17 10w

Now I’m curious tho, which third gender is this guy attracted to

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Anonymous #20 10w

???? How am I putting nonbinary into a box by listing it as a gender identity??

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Anonymous #20 10w

I think you’re assuming the first two genders he’s attracted to would be man and woman but that might not be the case for #17. It’s any three genders, not just man woman plus one extra.

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Anonymous mother_russia 10w

Ok, then which three

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