Ask Men on Yik Yak | Is male loneliness a real epidemic in America currently? Do you face it? What are contributing factors?

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Ask Men 5w

Is male loneliness a real epidemic in America currently? Do you face it? What are contributing factors?

Anonymous 5w

Yes, however i personally frame it is as a general loneliness epidemic that disproportionately affects men. I think I face it by struggling to find connections with people that feel fulfilling, often people flake or dont want to contribute to good friendships or relationships. Contributing factors: phones, less social skills, stigmatized interacting with unknown people, dating apps, toxic people and gender roles

Anonymous 5w

I largely believe most male loneliness to be a choice the problem comes some people don’t know how to change the factors that contribute to them being lonely

Anonymous 5w

I think one of the contributing factors is hookup culture. Like I think way too many women just want to fuck me and I don’t wanna do that. I wanna have more.

Anonymous 5w

Yes. Yes, very much so. College being so competitive and not community oriented. Family unit more concerned with money than love. Societal pressures to be “successful” at all costs

Anonymous 5w

Yes, but statistically the loneliness epidemic is far from exclusive to men. If you want one reason for it that i think isn't talked about much is the dissolution of male only social spaces. With the introduction of things like title 9 and general stigma around sexism, male only social spaces have become effectively extinct, something i believe has had devastating consequences on the social development of men.

Anonymous 5w

The male loneliness epidemic is a product of patriarchy

Anonymous 5w

I do think loneliness is a huge problem. I personally don’t face it but I think I might have to a smaller extent earlier in life. I was shy and didn’t socialize that much and I didn’t know how to fix that until I slowly learned how. I think that a big problem is that people don’t know how and don’t know how to learn, and it’s really hard to put yourself out there especially initially. However, if anyone thinks they are, trust me it gets better and just take the plunge

Anonymous 5w

Yes, and every man I know faces it somehow. One of the biggest contributing factors is the internet.

Anonymous 5w

Yes

Anonymous 5w

it's a loneliness epidemic, and as a queer man i think it's bc lots of men don't put value into their friendships. all of my close friends are women because my friendships with other men tend to be very surface level and they also aren't always as accepting and comfortable with the way i express my gender. i feel like if more men opened themselves up to their friends, they wouldn't be as lonely but lots of men just don't

Anonymous

#1 5w

Oh also contributing factors: lack of sober 3rd spaces

Anonymous

stanczyk 5w

As for me personally, i wouldn't say i'm lonely, just that i've had extremely unfortunate circumstances in my life friendship wise where i can confidently say i have never had a friendship last more than 3 years at any point in my life despite trying to prevent it from happening over and over. The fragility of modern relationships is something i have just grown to accept at this point but i cannot speak to wether my specific problems are endemic within the untied states.

Anonymous

#2 5w

!!!

Anonymous

#2 5w

i second this bc, my loneliness mainly comes from me not interacting with ppl cause of like overthinking and things like that. I can admit it but some can’t. A lot of men also want to be approached first which is interesting.

Anonymous

#4 5w

Why is that interesting? It seems perfectly logical

Anonymous

#1 5w

I highly agree with lack of sober 3rd places that is an extremely valid point, and I agree with basically all of this affecting everyone today. I’m curious by your view toxic gender roles and how that fleshes out in a relationship.

Anonymous

#2 5w

What choices do you think people make everyday that perpetuate this experience?

Anonymous

#1 5w

Bc we used to perceived as the sex that would pursue, but now it’s flipped.

Anonymous

#6 5w

Start talking to people get in conversations, anything. What do you have to lose? A few awkward moments? Embarrassing yourself? Doesn’t matter those are just learning experiences. Keep your head up and you will improve and develop more relationships

Anonymous

#4 5w

Ok? But why would someone want to be a pursuer over pursued?

Anonymous

OP 5w

I think it contributes to people, if we are talking men specifically, feeling lonely because they feel unseen/unheard/I valued for who they are because they may not share with others to form deeper bonds, due to the culture of men that is propped up by both men and women

Anonymous

#6 5w

Final thought lol: technology and social media are all out there and that’s probably your main exposure to the world if you are suffering from that. So all that stuff about women being toxic and mean or people in general making fun of shy people or being jerks isn’t real. True there are mean people out that but a lot are nice. And if you run into a mean person that reflects on them not u and just choose to not be around them when u can.

Anonymous

#1 5w

“Ok?” lmfaooo bro idk, im just stating facts. Would you like to enlighten sense you have such a heart for this ?

Anonymous

#1 5w

I mean if u are the one to ask then u are the one putting yourself out there to be rejected. It takes guts lol. If you are just waiting to be asked then u get compliments and can just choose what u want with no risk to pride. I mean nobody likes the idea of maybe getting rejected or made fun of for asking

Anonymous

#4 5w

You are just saying that men want to be pursued and of course they would, everyone does that seems to be human nature

Anonymous

#6 5w

Im agreeing with you. Thats why I don’t understand why #4 thinks it is interesting when everyone would rather not have to put tons of effort if they don’t have to?

Anonymous

#1 5w

i said it was interesting that men want to be approached but in the same breath say that they’re lonely and say that they don’t know why. you kinda turned it into a effort thing which misdirected tf outta my point😭 it’s like you took that last sentence in my first comment and ran with it. have a good Sunday tho, it’s nice outside brother!

Anonymous

#5 5w

College was such a disappointment for community. I’ve found it better off campus. What pressures do you think men experience to be successful?

Anonymous

OP 5w

The expectation to either be a provider or be very wealthy. I’m failing at both.

Anonymous

stanczyk 5w

What does title ix have to do with the destruction of male only spaces? Genuinely asking. Also what about fraternities/gentlemen clubs, elk lodges, country clubs, boy scouts? There obviously could always be more but they are certainly not extinct. I worked at a county club that had a mens only bar, like even the female employees weren't allowed in.

Anonymous

#13 5w

Title 9 makes it impossible to set up university associated clubs restricted by gender as it didn't just affect athletics. Frats get around this by not requiring university money but that means the money has to come from the members, and most people can't afford dues. As for the Scouts (formerly the boy scouts), elk lodge, country clubs, and "gentleman's clubs", they are all not men only spaces(but "gentleman's clubs" that are not strip clubs are also effectively extinct.

Anonymous

#13 5w

Also for your specific example of a part of the country club that was men's only, it was not sober. Like #1 said, it is sober spaces that we need. Additionally most men cannot afford the costly dues associated with country clubs, frats, etc making them far less effective.

Anonymous

stanczyk 5w

Title 9 isn't a bad thing though. Also tons of people join fraternities, there are even Christian fraternities like the one i'm apart of we are a dry house. (metaphorically we don't have a house lol) You're right not everyone can pay dues, but it's still a male only spaces that exist. Plus lots of churchs will have mens only spaces as well. I'm just saying they are there if you're willing to look for them, plus as frats can be expensive they are more than worth it imo.

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