Ask Men on Yik Yak | my bf and I are arguing about this, I’d like to see other men’s thoughts. does me liking you touching the outside of my back door hole mean you have consent to stick a finger in (you’ve had previous content for this on a different day)

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Ask Men 5w

my bf and I are arguing about this, I’d like to see other men’s thoughts. does me liking you touching the outside of my back door hole mean you have consent to stick a finger in (you’ve had previous content for this on a different day)

#poll

Yes

Depends (explain)

56 votes

Anonymous 5w

I can see why he’d think it was okay after that first time, but the fact that he’s arguing about it is concerning. He should’ve just apologized, learned to make sure you want it in the future, and moved on

Anonymous 5w

Gotta ask always

Anonymous 5w

I think it'd be reasonable to assume you'd be okay with it the first time since you were cool with it before. And if you're like mid-sex i could see why he'd just do it

Anonymous 5w

No???? Consent has to be given on every occasion unless it’s been previously (and very clearly) established that prior consent applies. Also, consent can always be revoked at any time

Anonymous 5w

What does this mean

Anonymous 5w

Yeah I can see how he’d maybe be confused but after you clarified there should obviously be no argument; if you say no unless you specify otherwise than that should be that

🐤

Anonymous 5w

Yea I mean there’s no explicit consent for that time, but also like, you don’t ask every time you choke somebody if you can choke them. There’s just a point in the relationship where yk, yea I should probs choke her she likes that. L assumption tho bc if it’s new should’ve continued to talk abt it before hand. Put him in timeout for a day

Anonymous 5w

Consent until you revoked it or clarified (at which point ofc he must stop). Since you greenlit it before, he might reasonably have believed it was within your comfort zone. When ppl who regularly fuck fuck, there’s usually a certain amount of spontaneity, subject to previously established comfort zones and boundaries. You have every right to change or clarify these, but should say so. Otherwise it’d be more of an honest/innocent miscommunication issue, as opposed to an assault

Anonymous

#1 5w

what’s confusing 😭 I’d explain but idk what to explain

Anonymous

OP 5w

Liek yall were fuckin?

Anonymous

#1 5w

yeah

Anonymous

OP 5w

What’s the back door men’s?

Anonymous

#3 5w

see I agree. I was telling him like I don’t want him to think making out means I ALWAYS want sex, that touching my hole doesn’t mean I want a finger, that a finger doesn’t mean I want a dick, etc. and he’d be like “yeah I hear you but I’m gonna assume you’re okay with it and you can just tell me to stop doing it” like ?? consent is suposief to come BEFORE

Anonymous

OP 5w

Like your butt ? He put it in your butt?

Anonymous

OP 5w

Yeah, he’s wrong about that. He can’t undo it once it’s already been done.

Anonymous

#1 5w

asshole

Anonymous

#1 5w

yes

Anonymous

OP 5w

Thanks

Anonymous

#4 5w

Heat if the moment wrong decision kinda thing. Should’ve said he was sorry for assuming. At least he knows now.

Anonymous

pirosnake 5w

of*

Anonymous

pirosnake 5w

he doesn’t know now 😭 he disagreed with me saying you should ask before doing and says he won’t do that

Anonymous

OP 5w

You need to lay out the ground rules. What he has permission to do without asking and what you want to a heads up on first. Kiss in the forehead? No permission needed. Digging for buried treasure? Needs a permit.

Anonymous

pirosnake 5w

see but I’m also under the mindset that just bc we’re making out doesn’t mean I want him to start ripping my clothes off. I’d be willing to do what you just said with him but he doesn’t even agree with me. he doesn’t think it needs consent as long as I’ve consented before and I’m not pushing him away from what he’s doing before (ie let him touch the hole, he says it’s okay to stick a finger in). idk if that made sense. point is he think liking hole touched = okay with a finger in and is unwillin

Anonymous

OP 5w

unwilling to move from this belief

Anonymous

OP 5w

Girl. If you flat out told him you don’t consent to him inserting anything in your ass and he DISAGREED? He does not respect your consent and you can’t trust him to rescue t your consent in the future. That’s not something he can respectfully disagree with omfg it’s your decision

Anonymous

#6 5w

*respect

Anonymous

#6 5w

he kept being like “I see where you’re coming from and I agree but if you like it then I’m gonna go farther” like ? I’m liking what you’re CURRENTLY doing, that doesn’t mean I’d like anything farther

Anonymous

#6 5w

also maybe TMI but one time during sex i LITERALLY told him I wasn’t in the mood for anal and he did anyway. and I was like okay whatever but not deep. and he literally went balls deep 😐

Anonymous

OP 5w

“if you like what I’m doing I’m going to stop doing it and do something more invasive that you’ve explicitly told me you don’t want me to do” do you see how insane that sounds

Anonymous

#6 5w

okay 😭 he was genuinely making me feel crazy that this was my mindset. that’s why I made this post bc I had to see if I was in the wrong

Anonymous

OP 5w

If he can’t understand why that’s not ok he is not safe to be having sex with

Anonymous

OP 5w

Bro that’s assault! If you told him no anal and he did it anyway that man assaulted you

Anonymous

OP 5w

You are not crazy he’s the one who’s fucked up here

Anonymous

bobthebuilt 5w

? no you should definitely ask before choking someone every single time. just bc she in general likes it doesn’t mean she wants it that day

Anonymous

OP 5w

Ehh idk fr. I dated a girl who liked to be choked and she told me straight up like the 3 or 4th time that she was “someone who liked to be choked” and that she’d enjoy it if I did that more. Which to my understanding is a generally applicable thing

Anonymous

#7 5w

And if that’s not what she meant I’d assume she’d tell me if it bothered her, which she never did

Anonymous

#7 5w

I think you’re confusing her telling you that it’s okay to do it whenever with my bf being like “well you liked this so I’m gonna go a step farther without asking bc you’ve liked it before”

🐤

Anonymous

OP 5w

Nah like I’ve had gfs be confused that I continued to ask after the first time. One was literally like, “I told you it’s ok last time, why are you asking it’s killing the vibe?”

Anonymous

bobthebuilt 5w

? again. that’s them TELLING you that they’re fine with you doing that specific thing without consent. which is a lot different than just assuming it’s fine bc a different thing was fine or that it was fine on a different day

Anonymous

OP 5w

Yeah I’m just saying it is possible to give a direction that you like a certain thing and would continue liking that thing in the future even without giving permission again or constantly. All in the phrasing. My ex framed it as “I’m someone who likes this and I’ll continue liking this so please do it”. If your situation was more of “let’s try this tonight and it’s ok to do this rn” then yeah I see how that’s totally different

Anonymous

#7 5w

I’m repeating but just for clarity, not to argue. yours sounds like her saying “I like this specific thing and I’d like if you did this more” which is consent. mine is him saying “you like this so I’m going to do something next level without asking just bc you liked level 1”

Anonymous

OP 5w

That’s what I was saying yeah

Anonymous

OP 5w

WHOA! Flag on the play.🚩 I get why it’s hard for him to adjust to that, bc MOST women (that I’ve dated anyway) like to communicate stuff like that kinda generally rather than spelling out an engraved invitation to their bf each time. But the fact that’s absolutely YOUR call should be uncontroversial. This guy sounds genuinely dangerous to have sex with & u gotta lay down the law. Maybe make it easy for him & tell him until he caves on this, the answer’s ALWAYS no. Or just stay tf away from him