Anonymous #1 9w

Bc I’m a woman and the girlies will give you great encouraging advice on setting up and implying boundaries

5

Anonymous forget_me_not 9w

Unhinged - *throw up on him*

15

Anonymous forget_me_not 9w

Have not been able to throw up on command since grade school, unfortunately. Couldn’t even fake a freaking sickness for my mum😔

7

Anonymous forget_me_not 9w

For though, will probably go with the firm idea.

8

…..what?

2

…..what?

1

Anonymous pirosnake 9w

Mixed bag of “oh you’re legal/we’re both adults here it’s not like it’s illegal”

10

What’s rude about it

6

I’d take that over being nice with it and having them stomp all over my boundaries, as he’s clearly been doing when I’m just being nice

7

Anonymous #5 8w

Well for one, I’m 18 and he’s like, 30 something. I’m his daughter’s age, bro. Did you not read the question????

13

Anonymous #5 8w

Damn, are you okay??

11

Anonymous #5 8w

And what do you mean, you’re not sure why?? You make it sound like it’s unreasonable for me to feel uncomfortable and I’m actually worried about younger women around you if you feel this way.

12

Anonymous #5 8w

Yup ur done log off

5

Anonymous #5 8w

Oh did you want a cupcake too, EDP446?

8

Oh, well shit

4

Anonymous forget_me_not 8w

You needlessly call it a “funny idea”. That just comes across as unnecessarily mocking. Would you respond that way to someone who you were uninterested in your own age who was asking you out? You could simply say “No. Going horseback riding with you is not something I would ever be comfortable doing. I do not care to elaborate.” Or, if you feel comfortable elaborating, you could say “given our age difference.” Either of those would actually be firm but polite.

-7

Anonymous #5 8w

Actually you don’t owe anyone politeness if they’re making advances on you, ESPECIALLY with a power dynamic or age gap ESPECIALLY if they’re making you feel uncomfortable but also literally grown people can handle rejection even if it feels a little harsh it’s a part of life.

9

Anonymous OP 8w

You can be firm but polite, like I suggested in my comment to #5. If you firmly but politely assert your boundaries, and he continues to stomp over your boundaries, then there are resources such as Human Resources and workplace anti-discrimination laws to protect you. But the first step is to firmly assert your boundaries, ideally doing so without being needlessly rude or mean.

-7

Anonymous #5 8w

Yeah the fact you care more about the fact that they might hurt this old man’s feelings than their safety and comfort tho is concerning and confusing to me especially because they never even said they were gonna be mean abt it

10

Anonymous #6 8w

I never said you owe anyone politeness, although I think it’s generally good to be polite unless you have a good reason not to be. Someone significantly older than you, or someone you are not interested in asking you out, on their own, do not warrant being rude imo. To clarify, being polite does NOT mean being passive, it means being assertive without being needlessly aggressive or antagonistic.

-6

Anonymous #6 8w

There are ways to clearly, unambiguously, and assertively reject someone that are not needlessly rude or hostile.

-2

Anonymous #5 8w

Idc the actions of the old man’s are still inappropriate so it kinda is warranted

5

Anonymous #6 8w

I think perhaps the issue is that you think that older people expressing interest in anyone significantly younger than them is inherently wrong, and that such people are deserving of hostility, whereas I don’t view anything wrong with an older person expressing interest in a considerate and respectful manner to an adult much younger than them (which, tbf, may not have been considerate or respectful in OP’s case, but there’s not enough context given outside of the age gap to determine that).

-3

Anonymous #6 8w

What specifically is inappropriate about the actions of the older man to you?

-5

Anonymous #5 8w

I should also specify I’m talking about the case where the older adult is NOT in a position of power over the younger adult, such as their employer, professor, or any other dynamic where one has influence over a domain of the life of the other. If there is a power dynamic outside of an age gap or difference in life experience, then that very much changes things.

-3

Anonymous #5 8w

You sound like the type who would consider himself ‘one of the nice guys’

18

Anonymous #5 8w

Just because it’s legal, does not mean you should do it. Just because the law says ‘oh they’re 18, so they’re legal and ready for the mature world now’, doesn’t mean this is still not a teenager. So once again, I’m asking, are you okay?

13

Anonymous OP 8w

Does he even have a daughter? I totally get not being into him based on the age gap, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to consider his expression of interest as wrong or creepy solely because of the age gap. There may be other good reasons to consider his expression of interest to be wrong or creepy in your specific case, but you didn’t elaborate on much outside of the age gap.

-3

Anonymous OP 8w

Admittedly, his way of asking you out did not seem great in that it was worded in such a way that assumed your answer, rather than making it easy for you to accept or decline, but I don’t know the full context in which he said that, and you seemed to focus more on the age gap rather than the manner in which he asked you out.

-3

Anonymous OP 8w

I know you can’t help however you feel, and however you feel is valid, but I guess I’d just be aware that even if you feel uncomfortable with an age gap, someone else likely doesn’t know that unless you have communicated it to them. If you haven’t already communicated it to them, they likely don’t know you feel uncomfortable with the age gap, and they likely aren’t trying to make you feel uncomfortable or to disrespect any boundaries that you have.

-3

Anonymous #5 8w

It’s inappropriate for older people to ask out barely legal teens already imo but also making advances while in the work place ON TOP of the age gap + maturity/developmental gap is insanely gross

4

Anonymous #5 8w

The assumption should be that teenage girls don’t want to get hit on by older men period idky it’s her job to tell the world she doesn’t want an old man boyfriend

10

Anonymous OP 8w

Just because something is legal does not necessary mean it’s ethical, yes, but in this case, I don’t think it’s unethical to express interest in someone younger when it is legal to, as long as it’s done in a manner that would be ethical irrespective of age. I guess we may not see eye to eye on the ethicality of this matter. Your coworker most likely doesn’t see eye to eye with you on it either.

-4

Anonymous #5 8w

So ur just gross and creepy and we all wasted our time here got it thank you 🙏

13

Anonymous #5 8w

Don’t forget that an age gap 1) is a power dynamic on its own 2) this all took place at their place of work, already not an appropriate place to be making advances

13

Anonymous #5 8w

I don’t see what authority you have to tell this person who is clearly uncomfortable with his advances that it was actually ok for him to do that and that they shouldn’t be bothered

9

Anonymous OP 8w

What you, me, #6, and your coworker hopefully can all agree upon, however, it that it is unethical, nor is it legal, to continue expressing interest in someone after they have made clear that they don’t reciprocate that interest, for whatever or no reason.

-3

Anonymous OP 8w

So if you simply assert a personal boundary around the age gap or your lack of interest, without acting as if he did anything wrong in expressing interest in you before you asserted your boundary, he should stop further expressing interest in you. If he were to not stop expressing interest in you after you asserted that personal boundary with him, then he is clearly in the wrong, and at that point you would have legal recourse.

-2

Anonymous #5 8w

It seems you might not be fully functional up there, so I hope you wait til you are, so you can have kids. Cuz advice as a ‘parent’ will hurt any daughter you ever have if you still possess this mindset by then. Maybe you’re not old enough and have not reached that maturity level, which in that case, your parents need to do a better job. If you are old enough, you might be mentally stunted or your parents just did a poor job. Either way, you are mentally ill and I hope you recover one day.

5

Anonymous #6 8w

I suppose I could have been more empathic towards OP’s experience, and however she is feeling is valid. However, just because his advances are making her uncomfortable, if he doesn’t have a reasonable way of knowing that his advances are making her uncomfortable, doesn’t mean he’s necessarily doing anything wrong. If she were to communicate that his advances were making her uncomfortable, and he were to continue making advances, that would clearly be wrong of him.

-2

Anonymous #6 8w

I suppose if she isn’t reciprocating his advances, then he should recognize that she isn’t interested and stop continuing to make advances. Sometimes that can be ambiguous though, so it’s the most clear to just say you aren’t interested. It’s not clear from this post if this is the first time her older coworker made an advance on her, or if he had previously made advances that she didn’t respond positively to.

-1

Anonymous #5 8w

Yeah omg no shit it’s almost like everyone already told her to tell him he wasn’t interested and then u went “nooo don’t hurt his feelings tho 😢💔”

4

Anonymous OP 8w

What mindset are you referring to?

-1

Anonymous #6 8w

Because some young adults are into older men, so it’s not unreasonable for an older adult to initially express interest in a younger adult? If that person does not reciprocate in expressing interest back, then they should not continue to express interest, regardless of their ages. But in general, when someone asks you out, it’s your “job” to communicate whether you are interested, irrespective of age.

-3

Anonymous #5 8w

The mindset of a pervert^^

6

Anonymous #6 8w

#2’s “firm” response was just unnecessarily hostile. You can clearly express you aren’t interested without attacking them for initiating.

-3

Anonymous OP 8w

What specifically do you consider to be the mindset of a pervert that I have?

-1

Anonymous #5 8w

The fact that you can’t understand that, proves my point that you might be mentally stunted.

10

Anonymous #5 8w

I don't think you're considering that her coworker was prolly eyeing her up before she even turned 18. Like bro was just waiting

5

Anonymous OP 8w

You’re his daughter’s age? He had a daughter when he was 12 years old ? 30-18=12

5

Anonymous #5 8w

Unless this 30 year old man had kids at 12 , this 18 year old (woman? Or ma?). Is NOT his kids age. That term is totally off here. The age gap is 12 years. Not 20.

4

Anonymous #9 8w

He could be 36 or 38, idk. I said he’s 30 something cuz that’s quite literally what my manager said🤷🏾‍♀️

5

Anonymous #9 8w

And to clarify, he did tell me that he had his kids at a pretty young age. Probably not 12 (obviously), but pretty young

3

Anonymous OP 8w

Why are you even assuming anything sexual or romantic anyways? Just say no if you don’t want to go horseback riding. It’s not that crazy

2

Anonymous #9 8w

It is when a 30 something year old asks in a suggestive tone to go horseback riding with him, not even mentioning/suggesting his daughters to go with said 18yr old (his daughter who’s 17 years old). And this isn’t the only instance. Why are YOU assuming this is his first attempt? Just scroll away from this post, it’s not that crazy.

8

Anonymous OP 8w

Good idea

1

Anonymous #5 8w

What part is hostile? He made her deeply uncomfortable, she would never go out with him so it’s better to say that without leaving any gaps for ambiguity he could later exploit.

6

Anonymous OP 8w

You literally asked for people to interact with your post, stop being so fucking rude and insulting people for no reason. Just don’t respond to them if you don’t like what they say, it’s not that crazy.

-2

Anonymous #10 8w

Didn’t ask for them to be rude as well, now did I? Or creepy as well, now did I? And how ironic, you’re telling someone to stop being rude when you’re so fucking rude as well lmao.

4

Anonymous OP 8w

I’m not talking about the weirdo old man you clown, I’m talking about the way you’re talking to other people, flat out insulting them and saying insane shit that no one should say to others. You asked for interaction so stop being such a bitch to people that interact.

-2

Anonymous OP 8w

Sorry you can’t handle being fed what you’ve dished out

-3

Anonymous #10 8w

Apology accepted:3

5

Anonymous #10 8w

You mean #5? Cuz by ‘people’, that is literally the only person I’m being impolite to. And they deserve it btw, so idc

5

Anonymous #10 8w

You’re bit too hot blooded, I’d suggest taking a deep breath and calm down if you feel the need to be this verbally violent and rude under a post you can scroll past lol. I hear chair tea helps with relaxing:>

5

Anonymous forget_me_not 8w

I thought specifically the part about “while that’s a funny idea” was unnecessarily mocking and hostile. You could cut that part out, and it would still be direct, clear, and unambiguous.

-1

Anonymous forget_me_not 8w

Also, I’m a bit perplexed why you included not wanting to elaborate in your “firm” response, yet implicitly elaborated as to the reason in your other example responses. OP could still firmly respond while elaborating by saying: “No. The idea of going horseback riding with you is not something I would ever be comfortable doing, given our age difference.” which would be more in line with the information conveyed in your other responses.

-1

Anonymous #8 8w

No, I wasn’t considering that, because I didn’t realize OP had just turned 18, or that OP started working before she turned 18.

-1

Anonymous #5 8w

The “funny” was to ward off “well it was just a joke, you’re taking things too seriously” Refusing to elaborate is again, meant to cut off any needling or testing for weakness he might pursue.

7

Anonymous #5 8w

I’ll play a man, if you said “no the idea…” I would say “Well there’s nothing wrong with us just being friends until your comfortable is there”

3

Anonymous forget_me_not 8w

I would then respond “It doesn’t sound like your intentions are to just be friends, and I’m not going to become more comfortable with time. It sounds like you are looking for an excuse to gradually push my boundaries, so no thank you, I would rather not meet outside of work, and please stop asking me to.”

-1

Anonymous forget_me_not 8w

Omg stop., this is giving me flashbacks ugghhhh😭

3

Anonymous forget_me_not 8w

I guess I wasn’t assuming the worst of him and wasn’t thinking of him trying to play it off as a joke. If he were to do that, he’s either trying to save face or he’s trying to excuse continuing to make unwanted advances. I would then respond saying “Well I didn’t find it funny.” That then doesn’t dispute his intentions while still making clear that you aren’t open to any future advances, “jokingly” or not. I don’t think it’s something you have to preemptively guard against though.

0

Anonymous #5 8w

“You’re the one making a big deal out of it. I just think you’re a pretty young woman and I know that the boys your age don’t always treat women right. Maybe I was wrong but I thought we had something going, it’s not nice to be a tease. *insert entitled angry man rant and slutshaming* That or he just starts stalking you. That response right there is going to put you in physical danger faster than what I said.

5

Anonymous #5 8w

Actually saying that you don’t find an older guy’s advances funny usually makes them continue in more aggressive manners bc then you’re back talking and you’re not taking the compliment and what’s wrong with the world that a man can’t compliment a sexy young woman and blah blah blah. (At least in my experience)

3

Anonymous #5 8w

So i'm sensing you just like have never had a woman in your life that you've been close to because if you had then you would know that a lot of the time when women "politely" reject men they don't just accept it and move on. Especially when there is already an age gap, AND these two are co workers and if this co worker is older he's probably worked there longer than she has and if she were to go to HR abt him if he persists after she rejected him whose to stay that they'll actually "protect" her

2