Ask Men on Yik Yak | coming from the ask women thread and seeing a lot about false accusations and i’m wondering what is your guys’s definition of that? (ik men aren’t a hive mind ofc) do you think it’s mostly due to a difference in definition of consent/rape or due to lies?

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Ask Men 6w

coming from the ask women thread and seeing a lot about false accusations and i’m wondering what is your guys’s definition of that? (ik men aren’t a hive mind ofc) do you think it’s mostly due to a difference in definition of consent/rape or due to lies?

Anonymous 6w

All accusations should be treated the same by cops and objective view to find evidence of the crime with that being said false accusers should be treated as those who actually did it because the effect is pretty similar to those who’ve been assaulted

Anonymous 6w

I’ve known some who’ll get drunk before (very explicitly and clearly) going out to get laid, then later discount their body counts (another great reason not to keep score) or declare it wasnt cheating, in the case of partnered ones, because “you can’t consent when drunk” (though in this case they very literally and verbally did). So in that instance, theyre not lying about what exactly happened but rather skipping the facts and mischaracterizing the law (when the conversation calls for it)

Anonymous 6w

I’m wondering about this too as someone who was in a confusing situation. I was drunk and he basically was not, and I didn’t say no but I also didn’t say yes. I just kinda avoided it until he insisted and I don’t think he ever realized that was problematic ?

Anonymous 6w

A little of both. I think some see the truth about that as kinda flexible. I’ve seen instances where they’ll exaggerate to make themselves (or each other) less embarrassed or to make a story more exciting and then convince themselves that’s what happened (or might as well be because he was *obviously* a pretty bad dude and it’s *basically* true). And it’s easy to get carried away doing that bc nobody wants to be the one to reel them in and dissect the details and “defend a rapist”.

Anonymous 6w

wait i’m realizing now there is another post like a few posts down about basically this exact thing. that js my bad and i did not intend to do that. still curious to hear from more people though

Anonymous 6w

My definition is if a woman says I did something to her which I didn’t or a woman says I did something to her without consent even though consent was given

Anonymous 6w

just prefacing since i don’t know how my comments are coming off, i’m not trying to prove a point or have a specific answer in mind with an response prepared or anything. genuinely wondering

Anonymous

#1 6w

that makes sense. this is my bad because i should have been more clear but what is your definition of consent being given? what are the exceptions? like what would prevent a “yes” from counting yk (under the influence, uncomfortable body language, not saying yes until asked multiple times, etc.,). and then if so to what degree should these exceptions be present for the “yes” not to count (how drunk, etc,.)?

Anonymous

OP 6w

I don’t do anything unless they tell me I can or it would be easily reasonably assumed they would be ok with it

Anonymous

#1 6w

i totally get that like that makes a lot of sense to me but what do you need to see in order to reasonably assume that they are ok with it?

Anonymous

OP 6w

Them responding back positively verbally or physically in some way, like them also doing stuff to me

Anonymous

#3 6w

not sure if i’m reading this wrong or if my post was worded wrong but i never said anything agreeing or disagreeing with anything like this. i’m not talking about how those accused of rape and accusers should be treated, i’m asking what everyones definition of consent is

Anonymous

#2 6w

genuinely so real. that is part of my thinking making this post. i (as well as friends of mine) have been in scenarios with guys where most women we talk to and some of the few guy friends we tell agree that we did not consent but the guy in the scenario often doesn’t seem to agree and so i am wondering if this is a specific to these guys wanting to defend themselves thing or if there’s a difference in definition of consent

Anonymous

#1 6w

i totally get that and i fear that i am starting to realize that i’m now lowk wondering about relatively specific scenarios and whether most would consider that giving consent or not. i am realizing that it’s too specific to just come up without me asking directly and doing so would feel trauma dump-ish which would not be fair to do to someone over a yikyak comment section lol. this has helped tho and i appreciate it

Anonymous

OP 6w

Yeah I think it gets confusing because coercion is ambiguous. Bc it can take responsibility off the guy. Like maybe she did consent to it (or seemed to in unspoken ways) but did she really choose that independently or did she just feel like she should? It feels so easy to gaslight ourselves into thinking we made choices that we probably wouldn’t have otherwise :(

Anonymous

OP 6w

It’s sandwiched at the back of it

Anonymous

OP 6w

But a clear sober yes is the only way to get consent