Anonymous seeya_space_cowboy 10w

well i don't expect my dates to pay for everything, and insist they don't spend a lot of money on me in general. even so just hanging out and getting to know a really cool girl not fun for you?

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Anonymous freestyle 10w

bc i wanna know if men feel the same way like dating for fun and not for the possibility of marriage. like not to be dramatic but i don't wanna be tied down but i don't wanna be alone either so it's fun to date but marriage is like in the far off future for me, and i feel like all the men i date always bring it up early-ish into the relationship

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Anonymous #4 10w

why would it be wasting their time though? if you get along well, you share interest, hell if the sex is good then why would that be a waste of time? you can approach the future when it's the future yknow just like go with the flow

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Anonymous #5 10w

i don't think it's that girls are "unwifeable" i think it's more so a lot of girls are rasied to literally just be someones wife and that is their ultimate goal in life, when for me it's more of a side quest fr

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Anonymous OP 10w

no its definitely fun, but i could spend that money on literally anything. and not all girls are like you lol, a lot of them expect a nice ass first date that the man pays for.

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Anonymous seeya_space_cowboy 10w

weird. i date women too but my experience is vastly different. i didn't realize straight women expect that much. that also could be why i'm like this, i approach dating men & women the same tbh.

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Anonymous seeya_space_cowboy 10w

i also just realized i made an assumption that you were straight so i'm sorry abt that if you aren't 🫶

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Anonymous #6 10w

I learned to just stop pursuing it because I always end up hurt and stressed out so I’m done

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Anonymous OP 10w

Two different things. There’s abs nothing wrong with marriage-goal-oriented dating. When I say unwifeable I’m talking about those who raise the most hell about it & want marriage but also refuse to try to understand what makes someone want to marry someone. If they tried and reflected a little (and yes, allowed themselves to have some fun) a lot of em would be fending off more husband-candidates than they know what to do with, like you apparently are

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Anonymous OP 10w

haha i appreciate that but im straight so no worries😂

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Anonymous OP 10w

That’s just not how I value things, I don’t like doing hookups either. Sure, being with someone can be fun, but I’d rather just be friends and hang out instead of doing a short term relationship. To me, that is wasting time, I get enough out of life without a relationship, and dating isn’t something I’m interested in being casual about

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Anonymous seeya_space_cowboy 10w

what's most important to me for a first date is just getting to know them. my last first date was with a women and it lasted like 7 hours. we literally didn't have plans made and just went though a walk in a park and then we went swimming her apt complex had a pool, and o borrowed on of her swimsuits then i showered at her place and we like ordered food and watched a movie. it was so much fun and besides from the food (we each ordered our own thing) we didn't spend money

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Anonymous #5 10w

i feel like everyone man and women are more than just husbands and wives tho, and it's not the end of the world if someone doesn't want to marry you bc it shouldn't be the only thing that matters ya know? marriage is abt sharing your life with your partner not your partner becoming your life. like i don't even know what would make someone "marriage material" tbh

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Anonymous #4 10w

i mean it wouldn't be a hook up if your in a relationship and it doesn't have to be a short term relationship if things develop into something more serious. like i wouldn't say i'm casual about dating, more so open to something becoming more serious but if it doesn't work out then it's not feeling as if i wasted my time. since i not only gained more experienced i also gained a friend and built memories with them. like i don't plan to break up with someone just bc im not looking for marriage lol

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Anonymous #6 10w

um okay fam, i wish you luck on that journey

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Anonymous OP 10w

see i would love this, but the issue is most girls dont really wanna do a movie night on the first date which i understand obviously, lots of bad dudes out there, but i think because of the bad guys out there, the rest of us have to kinda prove that we're willing to put in effort which comes in the form of planning and paying for it

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Anonymous OP 10w

and also im not trying to argue with you whatsoever in case thats not clear, just tryna give you some perspective

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Anonymous pirosnake 10w

well no? that would mean ur friends who have sex. i am dating people, exclusively too but i don't know if i want to marry them but i do know i like them enough for them to be my partner as of now and seeing where things take us. it could lead to marriage but it not the end goal ig at least for me

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Anonymous OP 10w

That just sounds like dating. Nobody dates as like a formality before marriage. They date to see if they want to marry that person. Do you just mean that you don’t know if you ever want to get married?

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Anonymous seeya_space_cowboy 10w

no this is interesting i mostly date gender non conforming people or women & queer men. if i do date a straight men i'll admit our dates r more traditional but usually my relationships with straight men don't last long bc of this reason this expectation of them wanting to get married eventually. it's not that i don't like them enough to want to be married, it's just that i don't want to be in a relationship that heteronormative. i just assumed straight men who are willing to date a queer woman

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Anonymous OP 10w

wouldn't expect to be in a traditional relationship like that. like i see myself maybe not ever getting married and just have a long term serious relationship with someone, but i just don't see how you can date with the expectations of getting married when you don't even know if you like them enough to date them yet.

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Anonymous pirosnake 10w

yeah honestly ig, but i do at the same time but i also don't want to conform to that heteronormativity ig like i at first thought I was polyamorous but after some pain i realized i was not, but i don't like the idea of like being someone wife and only being married to them and not being able to experience a relationship with other people.

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Anonymous OP 10w

marriage is just so ridged you know?

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Anonymous OP 10w

i do understand what you mean about not expecting marriage right off the bat, but i think for most guys, myself included, the expectation is more to determine if this is someone you could marry yk? like getting to know eachother and figuring out how compatible you are

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Anonymous seeya_space_cowboy 10w

yeah but like what does marriage change really? how is it different from dating minus the legality of it all. i love the idea of having a big party to celebrate our love but hate the idea of us being tied together forever. it's so permanent. even if you get a divorce it's not like that person will ever truly leave your life, and you won't be able to fully heal and move on from them. it's just freaks me out after like 6 months of dating a straight man he starts talking about the future a

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Anonymous OP 10w

like dude i don't even know what im gonna have for dinner tonight how am i supposed to do if we will still like each other this time next year 😭

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Anonymous OP 10w

oh hell nah 6 months is too early for sure, but i will say, i personally love the idea of making things permanent. its establishing "i love this person so much, that im confident i could never love anyone more" and i fuck with that so heavy

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Anonymous seeya_space_cowboy 10w

i think it might be different/easier if you're only attracted to one gender. having dated people of all gender identities it's hard to commit to one since they are all really different and i'd be limiting myself to only one person ergo one gender

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Anonymous OP 10w

If that works for you, I’m not going to say it’s the wrong way to live, but again, that’s different from what I prefer. I’m not going to grasp to keep a relationship ship together if it’s clear that we wouldn’t work out long term, I just want to date people I have chemistry with that also are thinking longer term towards the start. I’ve had plenty of wonderful relationships ships in the past, and most of them (especially as I got older) were with women I could see myself marrying at the time

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Anonymous #4 10w

No wrong answers, just different perspectives is all 🤷‍♂️

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Anonymous #4 10w

very interesting, do u mind me asking how did u know you could see yourself marrying them?

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