Anonymous pirosnake 5w

Ig I phrased that wrong but it’s like I’m not telling him if we don’t do anything this wknd for my bday then I’m done, I’m giving him a chance to ASK ME to hang for my bday and do something and if he doesn’t then whatever ig (btw I usually ask him to hang, and he’s maybe asked 2x)

3

Anonymous #2 5w

Just reach out and tell him that you don’t feel like this is working, and why, and he’ll either agree to try harder, or agree that it isn’t going anywhere. Writing secret tests in your head that he doesn’t know exist is just going to leave both of you unhappy and bitter about the other person

6

Anonymous #3 5w

im down? Or did he just make alternative plans after not hearing back from you? Sorry to nitpick but there’s a lot of crucial stuff we don’t know here and it kinda sounds like you may be either spiraling or trying to build a case against him😐 You’re ALWAYS justified in breaking things off by the way, bc you don’t need a justification. But if your goal from the get go was to obtain justification, maybe first examine your own feelings and/or why that’s something you want.

1

Anonymous #3 5w

So my bsf is dating his bsf, and as I was trying to make plans with him to hangout (I first ask Friday night for Saturday) he was unsure, I asked again Saturday and he said something abt seeing his grandma etc etc. then said he was waiting on his parents to get home, work 7:30 I asked him if he wanted to do sum, he said maybe and that he wanted to see me, at the same time I proceed to get a text from my bsf that this mans just ask her bf to hangout while I’m trying to make plans with him (1/2)

1

Anonymous OP 5w

I might said something passive aggressive, but he waited till last minute to be like I don’t think tn will work and that he wouldn’t be coming to this brunch my parents had invite him to tomorrow either bc “we’re not hanging tn”, he could’ve just said he wanted to see his buddy tonight instead of saying he wants to see me and having me wait and wait for him. I ended up just going to do something else with my friends but it’s the concept and the lack of communication that really upset me.(1/3)

1

Anonymous OP 5w

And that he said he wanted to see me, and didn’t have other plans when that wasn’t true (lying). I’ve had a lot of bad shit happen to me in the past from men that lying hits me hard even if it’s not necessarily harmful. Am I just self sabotaging bc I’m not giving him time to figure his shit out ? And I think I was the backplan if anything but tbh I don’t think he wanted to drive to see me. But he could’ve just been like I’m super tired tonight maybe next weekend, it’s like he lead me on almost

1

Anonymous #2 5w

He knows it’s my bday this wknd, it’s been brought up to him multiple times by other ppl. I have no clue if he has plans this coming wknd, but after I practically chased him down to hangout last wknd, I think it would be fair for him to ask me? I feel like I just come off too desperate and needy or annoying if I’m constantly asking him. I don’t know how to navigate all of this tbh, and I feel like I’m just self sabotaging with my overthinking.(I was also told I was doing that too)

1

Anonymous OP 5w

Well, did he say he wanted to see you, or that he didn’t have other plans? Bc those are two diff statements. Again, if he would have cancelled on his friend for you (which is likely; bros-before-hoes is a myth), then it’s not really a lie even if he said he’s free. Also I thought you said he only texted his friend after you talked to him? And I’m still not clear on which of you turned the other down. Did you say no, or did he? Is it possible he texted his friend bc he thought you weren’t down? H

1

Anonymous #3 5w

is statement about cancelling brunch “bc we’re not hanging out tn” sounds like he thought that was your decision. And if he (actually) lied you’re allowed to be upset about that. But be VERY careful to penalize him for his OWN lies only. Can’t stress enough how bad an idea it is to vicariously punish him for your exs’. And yes (largely from that) it sounds like you’re self-sabotaging. But that doesn’t mean you’d be fine and on gf-track even if you weren’t. It COULD also be that he’s not that int

1

Anonymous #3 5w

o you. I mean, it DOES sound like maybe you aren’t his #1 priority. But definitely correct for your own biases in passing judgment on that. I mean, how serious even is this relationship? Do you even know for sure whether he wants one? Does he call you his girlfriend? And was he pushing for that at the same time as you were or do you think he likes you better as more a fwb?

1

Anonymous #3 5w

So mid convo when I had already asked him once b4 to hang that night he had said he’d let me know later (never did so I asked if he wanted to do something later) and he was like my parents are still home yet, then at that same time I got a text from my bsf saying that he was asking his bsf (her bf) to hangout, so he waited longer then just was like it’s too late now so He said no basically, and idk why he wouldn’t think I’m down when I kept asking him?

1

Anonymous #3 5w

I’ve had a convo b4 if he sees this going long term he said “ Short answer, yes. I’ve felt like we’ve been getting really close and I really enjoy spending time with you” Then he had also said “ I don’t want to rush into anything, and I really enjoy taking time and get to know you better everyday and spend time with you And I’m sure you agree we 100% have something going, I’m already really comfortable with you and feel like I can be myself (hopefully that didn’t scare you away)”.

1

Anonymous OP 5w

Genuinely didn’t know how to take that conversation when he said it but that also doesn’t relate to the current situation, he says he misses me and likes me and we always text gm/gn, I just am lowkey confused asf. Am I rushing this ? Am I pushing him away in doing so ? I feel like I’m doing something wrong

1

Anonymous OP 5w

It sounds like he does like you, but he’s also new to this and bad at it. My guess based on this is that he felt like he needed some space this weekend, but didn’t know how to tell you that, so he just kept saying maybe until ‘oh it’s too late’ as a way of trying to not say he doesn’t want to hang out this weekend.

2

Anonymous OP 5w

It sounds like you both need to work on more clearly communicating what you actually want and what you expect of each other if you want this relationship to work. He’s lying cause he’s afraid of saying no to you, and you’re thinking up imaginary boundaries that he doesn’t know to test if he’s really bf material.

1

Anonymous #2 5w

He’s definitely bad at something, like things go over his head asf. If he wanted space he could’ve just said that though,I think I over communicate and he doesn’t communicate well, idk how to tell if he’s truly bf material let alone what’s to be a bf or have a gf

1

Anonymous OP 5w

So he claimed he was free Saturday then back tracked?

1

Anonymous pirosnake 5w

I asked him if he had any free time this weekend and he said “ I’ve been trying to figure something out cuz Saturday I’m busy all day I think I gotta lift in morning early then I got a powerlifting meet in afternoon and it’ll go late so idk”, I just was like alright then and he’s like “I’m working on it” and then I just said okay sounds good

1

Anonymous pirosnake 5w

I just don’t understand why he didn’t offer Friday or Sunday my actual BDAY like you don’t have to sleepover. Anytime with me is better than no time with me yk.

1

Anonymous OP 5w

I think you are fine with the current plan. If he doesn’t at least reach out on Sunday to say happy birthday I’d say that settles it.

1

Anonymous pirosnake 5w

To say happy bday or to see me for my bday ? Bc those are different things. But like do I just completely pull back instantly or just ease out of it ? I’m probably thinking too much into it

1

Anonymous OP 5w

A little too much

2

Anonymous OP 5w

Or perhaps just thinking the wrong way about it. Is he pretending to want a relationship bc he thinks that’s what YOU need? And is he right? What do you think he’d say if (sincerely and in a non-trap-y way) you offered to pull back and be fwb’s or some such low-commitment thing?

0

Anonymous #3 5w

I’m not sure if he’s pretending anything ? I know what I want, I’m just not sure if he does ? And idk what he would say to that tbh but it’s also not something I want (Fwb/ low commitment; I’m too emotional for that 💀)

3

Anonymous OP 5w

That doesn’t sound like he offered Saturday, that sounds like he said Saturday is a no go.

1

Anonymous OP 5w

Like you asked if he’s free this weekend, and he said ‘not Saturday’. So follow that up with “how about Sunday?”

1

Anonymous #2 5w

He didn’t offer another day tho and made it seem like Saturday was a maybe but probs wouldn’t workout, I’ve been told by my bsf who’s dating his bsf that they have plans tonight so not tonight either 🤷‍♀️ I’m letting go of trying to control this, I’ll update if there is anything to even update on by Sunday

1

Anonymous OP 5w

🤦‍♂️

1

Anonymous #2 5w

WHAT ? Also he just texted me saying that him, 2 buddies we’re gonna hang tonight but now the 1 can’t, and other doesn’t want to, so he’s gonna do his lift tonight/now instead of lifting tomorrow so he can go to the meet (lifting comp)….. like idk what that’s supposed to mean

1

Anonymous OP 5w

You two are just.. very not on the same wavelength when it comes to communicating

3

Anonymous #2 5w

Yeah he’s stupid and dry asf, I usually over communicate but pulled back a lil bit ngl but his only response to what I said back to that was “yea”

1

Anonymous #2 5w

NOW HE JUST SAID “ I miss you” but he’s legit not making an active effort to see me. wtf.

1

Anonymous OP 5w

Ask. Him. About. Sunday.

3

Anonymous OP 5w

You asked him if he could hang out this weekend, and he told you he’s probably busy Saturday. He didn’t “only give Saturday as an option”. He told you what his prior commitments were, so you’d know when he’s not available. So he has left the ball in your court to suggest when would work for you, outside of when he’s already busy. And you are sitting on your hands waiting for him to tell you when is good.

1

Anonymous #2 5w

FINE I WILL but also I’m already making plans with my friends that do and tbh I don’t think he even go. But also he like knows I wasn’t doing anything yesterday when his plans fell through he could’ve asked to hang then. He made Saturday seem like the only day that would work. And I’m waiting on him bc I ALWAYS ask he’s maybes asked for us to hangout once. This is my bday weekend he should be figuring his shit out.

1

Anonymous OP 5w

This is what I mean when I say you’re on twitter different wave lengths. The man is trying to, but you’re not even realizing it, and not giving him anything to work with.

1

Anonymous OP 5w

You asked if he had free time this weekend and he told you the times that aren’t free, and you took away when he’s not free are the only options even on the table and ended the convo. When his obligations shifted he gave you an update on his availability, but you didn’t realize that’s what he was doing and never suggested a time that also works for you. He then reached out to say he misses you, that’s him telling you he wants to see you, and you’ve still not given him any options of when you are

1

Anonymous OP 5w

available to spend time with him this weekend. If it’s your birthday Sunday, he probably figures you have things you’d like to do, and if you haven’t brought any of those things up at all in the week leading up to it, he probably figures that your plans just don’t include him at all.

1

Anonymous #2 4w

Well ig I’ll see if he wants to go to bday dinner tonight

3