Anonymous #1 1w

This

1

Anonymous pirosnake 1w

In fact my sister has admitted to me that she has done exactly that and demanded that I don’t ever pay for the first date, or do 50/50, just pay for myself.

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Anonymous #3 1w

its just part of being a gentleman

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Anonymous OP 1w

Bro. Ew. It’s 2026

17

Anonymous #3 1w

I mean want what you want but like. I cannot imagine why we still think it’s good to uphold these standards

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Anonymous #1 1w

most women i know spend 150+ dollars on their hair or nails, i doubt they are using men for a 50-75 dollar dinner. its just chivalrous

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Anonymous #3 1w

yeah this is the point, the internet acts like being a gentleman is a bad thing. men should want to pay for the first date, you should be married before you have kids, people should be going to church.

7

Anonymous #3 1w

You def have low standards

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Anonymous #4 1w

you aren't owed a 2nd date bc you paid for the first. its not a exchange

4

Anonymous OP 1w

Why should men want to but not women? Like I think the person who asks should pay, I asked my bf out so I paid, and now we swap bc we’re both in equal financial standing it’s just makes sense. It’s fine to want what you want but to put it upon the rest of society as an expectation is dumb. You got a bf who meets your desires, why be concerned what other men or women do

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Anonymous #5 1w

“Low standards” bro I just don’t like gender roles

20

Anonymous OP 1w

They use it only for that date? Because I was under the impression most of that stuff can be used more than once.

1

Anonymous OP 1w

But you are owed the courtesy of not going on the first date when you have no intention of things going further.

2

Anonymous pirosnake 1w

um thats not how first dates work? you don't know if you like the person, hence why you're going on a first date with them?? who goes into a first date with no intention of getting to know the person?

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Anonymous OP 1w

You misunderstood my point. I was implying what pirosnake said. Many women will go out and flirt with men just to get free drinks or a free meal.

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Anonymous #4 1w

pirosnake said his sister has done that which is really shitty of her but she is still one woman who doesn't represent all women. in your experience has a women actually admitted to you that she was just going on a date or flirting with a guy to get free drinks or food? i feel like majority of women when they do that are actually interested in the man. why would they use him for something they could easily just buy themselves

0

Anonymous pirosnake 1w

Nah once the nails grow out and you take them off they can’t be re-used ( they also are hella uncomfortable), once you shower the hair style is gone (if you got it dyed or sm that stays Oc), makeup is the same (it’s also time consuming), and don’t get me started on waxing

1

Anonymous OP 1w

I wouldn’t want to date a woman who spent $150 on looking good for a single date 🤢

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Anonymous #7 1w

It really depends on the woman and where you live, expectations are different in LA compared to places in Ohio (not that either is better, just depends on the dating scene)

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Anonymous #6 1w

I was thinking more extensions and painted nails.

1

Anonymous OP 1w

Girl 150 on that stuff is optional tho.

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Anonymous #3 1w

Gender roles and its men simply paying for the date they asked for 98% of the time. If you have low self esteem and don’t believe you deserve better just say that. But don’t make it seem like you’re not like other woman because you accept shit

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Anonymous #6 1w

No, it really doesn’t. Idc if it’s NYC or Honolulu. It’s insane to spend that much to “look good” for 1 night. Especially when it’s stuff that no guy will notice anyway (like getting your nails done).

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Anonymous #6 6d

i have a standing nail appointment with my nail tech every 2 weeks and my hair cost between 180-230 dollars and i get it done every 2-3 months. i'm black and most of my friends r black too. idk how often white woman get their hair done.

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Anonymous pirosnake 6d

its not usually for the date specifically o do it so i look good all the time, the point im trying to make is that most women ik are perfectly financially independent and secure and wouldn't need to use a man to get free food.

0

Anonymous #6 6d

which is usually the man

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Anonymous #5 6d

Again. Not low standards. I just have different preferences for a relationship. Why do we not feel weird about the fact men still ask for most dates this day and age. Idk I’m just not fond of tradition nor the people who act like you’re somehow inferior if you don’t uphold it. If you want your man to pay for dates that’s fine, but I’m tired of the attitude that men HAVE to.

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Anonymous #9 6d

can manage the amount of money you waste. Like it or not, that’s important and that’s a reality for any man who isn’t disgustingly rich (and if he is, that’s its own good reason to be stingy). Things are tough out there, men gotta ball on a budget. It’s prob gotten worse recently due to the rise in ghosting, poor communication, and the social media related push to normalize more exploitative/sociopathic dating behavior among women, so men are reacting by putting their guard up a lot.

1

Anonymous OP 6d

Oh. Wish I’d seen this first. I feel silly for having taken your question as seriously as I did. I thought you were being genuine🤦🏻‍♂️ Wasting money on stuff he doesn’t give a damn about isn’t the equivalent of spending money on the other person, so it’s not a ‘gotcha’ on why he should spend money on you. That’s like a man saying “ok yes my girlfriend bought me a $100 watch but I just bought myself $200 worth of warhammer minis so who’s REALLY coming out ahead here?”

6

Anonymous #9 5d

Yeah, this OP is a street harpie. She’s the typa chick who will always try to make her man as miserable as her. Destined for the hood/trailer park ☠️

0

Anonymous #9 5d

i feel like if you view dates this transactional then you wouldn't last in an actual relationship. First date is literally just to get to know the person and its traditionally the job of the gentlemen to pay. Idk why would view that as a waste of money, even if you don't click romantically you got to know a new person.

1

Anonymous OP 5d

This is so deluded. “You’re paying for the privilege for spending time with her” typa energy

0

Anonymous OP 5d

I would agree that people who view dates as transactional shouldn’t be in relationships. But I don’t, and you do, don’t you? You’re the one who feels, apparently strongly, that spending money on a woman is a must in order to be allowed to get to know her. What do you call that if not transactional? Especially since, in reality, two people definitely CAN get to know each other for free. Budgeting for dates isn’t transactional; it’s rational and reflects the bare minimum of fiscal responsibility.

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Anonymous OP 5d

When men adapt to conditions women control, we aren’t really responsible for HOW we’re forced to adapt, we just do. That doesn’t mean women are obligated to behave any differently, as long as you’re happy with the outcome. But it does mean how we date is a choice yall mostly made for us, so if you DID want it to be change, you’ll want to be conscious of that.

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Anonymous #9 5d

Nothing is wrong with a free date, i didn't say that but traditions are traditions for a reason. you can also apply your logic to basically anything that cost money. you aren't guaranteed to like a movie before you see it in theaters, but that's not what you're paying for. you're paying to see the movie the way the filmmakers intended it to be seen, its an experience. dates imo are the same thing, its not that your paying someone to hang out with you you're paying for the experience.

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Anonymous OP 5d

Well, yeah, you can apply it to other things you can spend money on. Which is why guys mostly spend money rationally. You don’t pay to see a movie you aren’t optimistic about if you can watch that same move or a better one for free. (Doesn’t that answer your original question?) But paying for a date only to get stood up or realize later you never had a chance isn’t a valuable experience in any way whatsoever. So if men can minimize the rate of that happening they’re right to do so.

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Anonymous OP 5d

And yeah, traditions are traditions for a reason. So if that reason changes, or no longer applies, what then? Traditions also CHANGE for a reason. If you think about the reasons the tradition exists, you’ll see why the change happened. (Do so at your own risk, however)

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Anonymous #9 5d

well if you got stood up you wouldn't have had to spend money to begin with, and like why do ppl keep saying that women are going on dates with no intention of actually dating?? like i don't believe majority of women are that cruel and inconsiderate.

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Anonymous OP 5d

Depends on what you’re doing. But anyway, for the record, that last sentence makes me want to go absolutely apeshit to the point I’m immediately institutionalized. But I will instead take the high road and just say I’m very happy for you that you have the luxury of being that naive, and I do envy it. Just, whatever you do, don’t fact check that with anyone who has actually… dated women recently.

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Anonymous OP 5d

It definitely happens a decent bit. Like I was sitting there listening to my friend and she said something along the lines of “this guy isn’t cute enough, oh but he will pay for dinner so eh, I’ll just go to get a free meal”

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Anonymous #9 5d

well i'm a straight woman and i don't become friends with women who would take advantage of someone like that, again all my friends are financially stable and don't need to go on dates just to get free food. if they aren't interested they decline. that's what i would do when i was single, it be a waste of my time as well if i only went on a date for the free food. like if i wanna go to applebees ima take my ass to applebees, why go on a whole date for that.

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Anonymous #10 2d

Dude. Why are you less capable of paying for a first date than them. It’s 2026 comeon. It’s one thing if he’s asking you out but if you’re asking him out or it’s a mutual thing that’s just playing into toxic ass gender roles

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Anonymous #3 2d

Gender roles are awesome. I’m a big fan of gender roles. I guess it wasn’t clear from my first comment, I’m a dude and I think paying is important.

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Anonymous #10 2d

Gender roles are terrible and historically awful for both sexes. They are stupid made up things we use to bully and suppress anyone who doesn’t fit into a perfect mold

1