Ask Men on Yik Yak | Do guys actually want traditional relationships? Everyone’s different, but as a girl who actually enjoys traditional roles, I feel like the “traditional” guys I’ve seen just want a maid/mom, they don’t actually want to fulfill the man’s role

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Ask Men 15h

Do guys actually want traditional relationships? Everyone’s different, but as a girl who actually enjoys traditional roles, I feel like the “traditional” guys I’ve seen just want a maid/mom, they don’t actually want to fulfill the man’s role

💰

Anonymous 14h

I would totally be in a traditional relationship as long as it’s built on love, loyalty, trust, and respect. Like the man can’t just come home from work and expect to not help with the kids or spend time with me. We both have to be considerate of each other and how each other is putting in effort. And this is coming from someone who most of the time opposes traditional values.

Anonymous 11h

I have yet find a woman who actually wanted a traditional relationship sadly, or just didn’t want kids and all, I’m going to college just so I can fulfill the man’s role honestly

Anonymous 10h

The people telling you that that’s what a traditional wife is are wrong. A traditional wife holds down the fort. Traditionally the husband supports the family monetarily and protects them, and the wife supports the family emotionally. It’s WAYYYY more complicated than just a maid. I also think you might be underestimating just how important and complex the role of a mother is in a family. Of course both parties do both things, but yeah, it’s way more complex than just a maid/mom.

Anonymous 6h

Yes we do. But I also like to cook, I don’t like doing dishes or cleaning the kitchen (fucking hate it, I will put everything in the dishwasher, even if I have to run it on a few cycles, those pots and pans will soak until I have room). If a man is not planning shit, then he’s just not a man. It just feels nice like you actually give a shit about us when you do those things sometimes. Yes, I want to handle as much as I can, but I want someone who can catch the shit that falls through the cracks.

Anonymous 12h

Well what aspect of the traditional man’s role are they not wanting to fill?

Anonymous 3h

i feel like i want to be in what's the traditional man's role, but not in a loser misogynist way. in a butch chivalry way. like what ACTUAL traditional healthy relationships were, prior to the silent generation being traumatized by war. i'm physically disabled (chronic illness stuff) and housework/chores are crazy draining for me, i can't keep up with them on my own at all, but i'm extremely ambitious and i feel like i handle more cognitively intensive work a lot better

Anonymous 11h

yes

Anonymous 7h

I don’t even know if I’m capable of desiring a relationship at all.

Anonymous 11h

But a trad wife is a maid/mom?

Anonymous 12h

what do you think a traditional wife is

-1

Anonymous 9h

Nah if I’m bringing home the bread then so are you

-1

Anonymous 6h

The biggest predictor of divorce is traditional gender roles

-2

Anonymous 11h

On a technical level I comprehend the appeal (a woman whos never had a job or marketable skill is pressured into marriage the minute she turns 18 and becomes ‘damaged goods’ as soon as you take her v is dependent on u and cant leave no matter how bad you treat her). But I like to think I have enough going for me that my wife would stay with me even if the alternative WERENT starving to death. It helps I was raised by girlbosses, who, in my family, stay with their husbands bc they love them.

-3

Anonymous

#8 10h

I assume that the emotional support and “holding down the fort” comes with the “mom” descriptor.

Anonymous

#4 10h

Well see that’s the problem… just like guys think trad wife = maid, they seem to think trad husband = bread winner. That’s not only unrealistic (it’s extremely difficult to live on one income anymore) but also just not what I’m referring to. I guess I mean, emotionally, men just don’t want to be the safe, protecting leaders that kind of comes with the role. Like I end up planning dates, doing the emotional lifting (not regulating—different), and kind of being both the girlfriend and boyfriend.

Anonymous

#2 10h

It's hard, because you simply can't afford to live on a single income anymore, but even outside of that I mean emotionally? It's hard to fully explain over a thread, but essentially it feels like I'm babysitting a child, rather than a secure man who wants to lead, be a sate space, competent, or even just initiative.

Anonymous

#8 10h

Wait, oh my gosh you get it!! This is the part I’m missing. They seem to simplify traditional roles to woman = maid, man = money When really there’s so much emotional depth on both parties, and I end up compensating for both. At some point they just look like decoration.

Anonymous

OP 9h

I mean my degree pays over 100k, and my stepmom as a single mom of 2 took care of two kids as a teacher, so income really is and isn’t as big a deal as people make it out to be, it’s genuinely all about budgeting and not spending on frivolous things. And yes I get your second point, I don’t get why so many people struggle with doing that honestly, but at the same time do from what I’ve experienced it’s made me want to be more reserved

Anonymous

#9 9h

Okay but then you’d also be helping your partner with cooking, cleaning, emotionally regulating the household, and caring for any kids. Thus, that’s a progressive/equitable relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that of course, just not what I’m referring to. Also, I do plan to bring in money, I’m in college right now and pursuing a doctorates… this is just a lifestyle choice.

Anonymous

#7 9h

I won’t bother correcting you, but I find this to be very sad, and the reason I’m struggling with finding actual traditional men. You’ve drastically oversimplified it.

Anonymous

OP 9h

Nah that’s too much work, she can handle all that #girlpower #feminism #nofreetimeforher #ineedanotherbeer

-4

Anonymous

#9 9h

then you don’t deserve that kind of relationship #imsosickofthiskindoflosersatire

Anonymous

OP 8h

Maybe I did. But according to other replies I don’t seem to be very wrong? I’m not saying a trad wife just cleans a house and bear kids. I’m seeing one of the comments you were happy about talked about emotional labor. That’s what I mean about a “mom” since they are traditionally the ones to “hold down the fort” and provide the emotional support for the unit.

Anonymous

#7 8h

And for the “maid” part it’s not the biggest factor of a tradwife. I mean housekeeping is important. I didn’t mean to demean what a trad wife is, I think what I was asking before was mainly to state my confusion. A trad wife keeps the house and provides the emotional support half to the relationship and family. I think that “maid” and “mom” envelope that. Maybe the most drastic difference is that “maid” and “mom” assume little back from the trad husband?

Anonymous

#9 8h

So you want her to do all the work while you slob out?

Anonymous

#7 7h

Yeah. Being a mom is so much more than just ‘I have kids,’ you know?

Anonymous

OP 4h

You can live on a single income if the man gets a job with a good income, such as lawyer or doctor.

Anonymous

#12 4h

Wait this response actually gives me hope 🥹🩷

Anonymous

#7 3h

Wait I’m very sorry, I assumed you meant this in a rage baiting/demeaning way, that’s on me. There’s a very big difference in my opinion. A mom (should) love their child. The love of a child is unconditional. I’m choosing to love, care for, and support that person because I want to, not as an obligation. And a maid is a job with no emotional depth. It’s an action you do in exchange for money. Meanwhile, I’m showing I love someone through acts of service and care. It’s an emotional exchange

Anonymous

#15 3h

like i don't want the deadbeat dad hate his wife boomer 50s marriage, i want the "buys them flowers on the way home from work just because, romantic gestures and dates to treat my partner and make them feel special bc they are, joint financial decision making, stays loving" marriage. I want a life partner, someone i could share my work with and find they're just as excited about it as i am even if they don't understand (better if they do!)

Anonymous

#15 3h

Gosh that’s so freaking sweet my heart 🥹🩷 this gives me genuine hope there’s still guys who’s values align with mine, because you literally took the words out of my mouth

Anonymous

#15 3h

I'm nonbinary transmasc so I definitely didn't grow up with the toxic masculinity manosphere brainwashing slant on traditional gender roles, i rebel against them in basically every way. But the contribution balance and emphasis on emotional intimacy in healthy traditional relationships just matches well with my goals, lifestyle, and strength/weaknesses

Anonymous

#15 3h

Like I absolutely would not want my partner to be some passive, docile synchophant. I want someone who is a true equal to me, who has passions and an excitement for life and values science & education and loves what I have to offer just as much I love what they have to offer. Like I genuinely think it' be difficult for me to date someone who has no interest in learning about physics or math, because it'd be so hard to talk to them about the number one thing i spend the most time on.

Anonymous

#15 3h

you know all those husband/wife researcher duos? get me a chemist partner and we'll change the world

Anonymous

OP 3h

🙏 we will find our dream partners who support us in becoming the best versions of ourselves!!!!! we will find partners with shared values that we can support and uplift!!!

Anonymous

OP 2h

Ah wow I didn’t think hard enough about that. Thank you.