Anonymous #1 5w

I’ve literally said and have done everything first… I was the first to express my feelings and then because I did he also did

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Anonymous #1 5w

I’m just saying that I want him to finally take charge bc it’s on the tip of my tongue but I don’t want him to say it back only because I said it first

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Anonymous OP 5w

If you don’t want to get hated on you should summarize that in the title lol at first glance it just sounds lazy

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Anonymous bobthebuilt 5w

What’s the average or longest?

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Anonymous OP 5w

Idk, probably like three months at the earliest, but usually it’s the girls job to initiate that because it’s a lot scarier for guys since we don’t say it like ever to anybody

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Anonymous #3 5w

It’s just that I put myself out there with him I do. And I do really really like him, and I have almost told him that I love him a couple times. I just want the reassurance, since I’m the one that initiates everything, I don’t want to get my feelings hurt or heart broken by saying it if he doesn’t feel that way. Or if I say it and he is thinking like ew this girl is clingy. I just never was the first to say with any guy so I didn’t know, I’m sorry

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Anonymous bobthebuilt 5w

See I didn’t realize that I was trying to follow his lead

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Anonymous OP 5w

Yup. We follow YOUR lead on that one. Another reason is that he doesn’t wanna scare you off. Timing it with hers means it’s almost impossible to mistime it (since when she feels it’s appropriate is up to her)

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Anonymous OP 5w

Nothing to apologize about, I didn’t mean to sound hostile or anything. And you’re right to be afraid it’ll hurt your feelings if he can’t say it back (and isn’t willing to pretend). But think of it this way: if it would be unacceptable to you that he doesn’t love you back, wouldn’t you rather know that than not? I’ve had a relationship last FAR longer than it should’ve bc she refused to press me on that & I could wait (I woulda told her the truth & wound up doing so anyway). I also had one that

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Anonymous #3 5w

got nipped in the bud bc she was honest about her feelings immediately & got the answers she needed. Honestly, I think the best time to ask would have been while you could still handle either answer. That is; whatever grace period there was after you fell for him but while you would have been ok with him needing to catch up (if that were the case)

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Anonymous #3 5w

Wait so the first one you said it first but it ended still? Wasn’t she like super happy you told her? The second one you didn’t say it back is what I’m understanding? Yes it would hurt idk if I’d want him to pretend but if he needed time I think that would be better assuming he does like me. But I think him not saying it and acting like I didn’t would be rough

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Anonymous OP 5w

Whoa no, I musta communicated that wrong. Like I said, Ive never said it first. The 1st I think spent a long time wanting me to say it, but was afraid to say it first. If she said it sooner, she woulda known much sooner that I didnt love her (which is why I eventually took the lead & ended it myself) & ya, the 2nd one I didnt, but she had that info exactly when she needed it. We wasted far less of her time Now I HAVE been in love & said so. But if u dont say it, u may never know

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Anonymous #3 5w

This is probably a dumb question, so when you did say it were you ever first? And for the first two was it just a convenience thing for why you stayed with them until someone said something?

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Anonymous OP 5w

No, like I said: I have never been first. And the two I mentioned, the first one (who also never said it), I guess you could say that, yeah, convenience. Or maybe, like, inertia? I didn’t want to break her heart so I was procrastinating and just kinda checked out of the relationship (I was hoping she’d lose patience waiting for me to fall for her, but that was never gonna happen so I had to get it together & rip the bandaid off). The relationship was tolerable to be in, just not going anywhere

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Anonymous #3 5w

& ending it felt like a chore (partly bc she’d guilt tripped me into staying last couple times I’d tried). Second one wasn’t really even a relationship at all; it was like a very short-lived fwb/talking stage that we wisely ended when she confessed her love & I confessed, well, my lack thereof Other relationships (where she confessed & I reciprocated) were… maybe 3 weeks/two months or so

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Anonymous #3 5w

I understand now, ok well I guess I have a decision to make or I guess confidence to grow This was super helpful tytytyty!!!

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