Anonymous #1 16w

How people talk about others in front of you, is how they talk about you in front of others. You complain about men in front of me, why should I assume that I, a man, am not being complained about behind my back?

-6

Anonymous #1 16w

And what’s normal? That one phrase will definitely get you a man acting fake because now everything’s he done before then hasn’t been normal

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Anonymous OP 16w

Letting women express how they feel about men ≠ knowing that they’re going to talk about you specifically the same way. In fact, women opening up these conversations to you allows you to be an active listener and participant, which might allow you to understand that these aren’t always complaints, but rather expressions of emotion, amnesty, or concern.

14

Anonymous OP 16w

“Normal” just means not acting like women are giving you a problem, acting against you, or out to tarnish your personal reputation. I really don’t understand why some men take these things so personally; it’s never been about generalizing characteristics, it’s been about being aware of behavior. It’s a survival tactic, not a smear campaign

13

Anonymous OP 16w

Listen man, anybody who gives you clack for being nice or agreeable just wants you to be inflammatory or defensive because they might get a kick out of it. Nobody likes someone who always has a negative response to everything. You’ll never be able to personally conquer the implicit fear that women have. You can, however, build relationships and listen to women to build trust and empathy. That’s how everyone learns.

21

Anonymous #2 16w

But I’m changing my behavior for the girl I want. Is that wrong?

-1

Anonymous #2 16w

But, being defensive or, respectfully, pitting men and women against each other by trying to measure up how difficult it is (do you know how exhausting) is restrictive of your ability to build a comprehensive understanding of an issue.

14

Anonymous OP 16w

It’s not wrong to act differently, everyone does that, but the reasoning behind it shouldn’t be “I’m doing this because I think it’ll make her like ME more,” it shouldn’t be “I’m doing this because I think she’d/women would appreciate it.” Know your reasoning. If somebody told you a behavior bothered, hurt, scared them, you’d listen, take accountability, and learn because it might be beneficial. Not try to act a certain way around them because it’ll keep you on good terms.

13

Anonymous #2 16w

You learn not to be mean or not to hit or whatever when you’re a kid because you begin to understand that it’s a behavior that hurts people, not because it’ll make you seem “better.” You learn to say please and thank you or share because it’s a behavior that helps your relationships and is a kind behavior. It makes you potentially more attractive because you’re respectful, but that’s not why you do it. You do it because you’ve learned to be kind.

11

Anonymous #3 16w

We would fear men less if they would stop getting hostile and defensive every time we talk about why we fear them. The fact so many guys take it personally just reinforces our discomfort. I’ve never met a safe man who had an issue with me discussing why other men made me feel generally unsafe

3