Ask Women on Yik Yak | My bf and I started dating when we were 14, we are now 21. I feel like he is not adulting at the same rate as I am. It is so frustrating and I have talked to him about it MULTIPLE times but he never changes. What should I do?

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Ask Women 1d

My bf and I started dating when we were 14, we are now 21. I feel like he is not adulting at the same rate as I am. It is so frustrating and I have talked to him about it MULTIPLE times but he never changes. What should I do?

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Anonymous 1d

it sounds like that’s just who he is and what he wants to do now. your only options now are to stick with him and hope that maybe one day he grows up, which he may not. or to break up with him. a lot of changing and development should happen between 14-21. you aren’t the same people you were when you met. it must be incredibly hard to even imagine leaving the relationship, but it’s very common for people to grow apart and for incompatibilities to grow with age.

Anonymous 1d

Set a hard boundary on things you need. If he breaks that leave. Full stop.

Anonymous 1d

I know this isn’t ask men so i shouldn’t be speaking, but i would like to point out that technically the female brain develops fully around 22 whereas the male brain takes until 25, so he does have some time to grow up.

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Anonymous

#1 1d

I just feel like it would be hard to leave…

Anonymous

hellraiser 1d

I guess. It’s just feels like our whole lives are so mixed and everyone expects us to get married and have a family….

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Anonymous

hellraiser 1d

the important part is to prioritize the life that you want. you deserve the life you work so hard for, and a partner that works just as hard as you. if you are unsatisfied in life and with your relationship then something needs to change. maybe talk with him again about how serious this is for you and use terms that help him grasp the seriousness of the situation, like “long term compatibility” and the “future of the relationship”

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Anonymous

hellraiser 1d

maybe don’t outright give ultimatums just yet but subtly hint that this is something that needs to change in order for you to see a future with him

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Anonymous

hellraiser 1d

there is no guideline to life, you don’t “have” to do anything. and if you’re going to continue the relationship just because ppl expect you to, you’re not really honoring your own autonomy and right to pursue the best life for yourself. plenty of people leave long term relationships

Anonymous

hellraiser 1d

Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate your advice

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Anonymous

OP 1d

of course! glad to help. situations like this are very complicated and serious. i hope you continue to think critically about it, and be kind with yourself throughout the whole process no matter what you choose to do. you are deserving of the life you want, and a stable relationship. good luck

Anonymous

#3 23h

Actually brains develop at the same rate. And that’s just how many chemicals and pathways can be built easily. Not actual maturity. And the age is 25 for both

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Anonymous

OP 21h

My darling it will be hard to leave. But you’re so young. You have 60+ years of life ahead of you. It will be so much harder to stay with a man who has no maturity or sense of responsibility. Ask yourself is the life I have right now the life I want for myself? If I get sick will this man take care of me? If I have a child with this man will he care for it with me or will I be cooking and doing laundry while he plays video games?

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Anonymous

cereal_mansplainer 21h

Your daughters (if you want to have them) will look to the way your husband treats you and look for men that treat them that way. Your sons will treat their wives that way. You should marry the person you want your kids to marry and be like