Anonymous #1 1d

You need to RCA this (root cause analysis). Everything (from dating, relationships and wellbeing of men and up to male survivors of horrible things not being taken seriously) is still a product of men not fixing their own issues and hoping that woman will come in and not only save them— but also give up her mind and body in the process. Rather than men fixing society to be safer for all, they ask a woman to step in and then treat her like a sex toy…

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Anonymous OP 1d

And because the majority of men give all guys such a bad reputation, men who are decent people are written off by default as part of the same group that perps, SAers, incels, weirdos belong to. While you could blame women for this, it’s unfair as making these assumptions literally helps keep women safe even if entirely false.

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Anonymous OP 1d

Entirely false for some guys.

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Anonymous #1 1d

I mean it’s kinda the same in the “giving up” department in a way ig, but what happens afterwards is completely different. I’m the op of that post and the result of me not wanting to date men anymore for my safety is that I’ll date women and skip off into the sunset. I’m not suddenly 100% anti men or turning into a self hating weirdo. I just don’t want anything bad to happen to me.

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Anonymous #2 1d

That’s valid. And yes I’m a man who wrote this post. I have been harmed by both genders and while I’ll never forgive women for what their part in my hurt, logic and having good friends will point out that the main reason why women hurt is the same reason why women don’t want to date— men enable/ encourage women to act in certain ways by teaching them 1. Men are unsafe 2. Men can’t be hurt 3. Hurting someone for personal gain and pleasure is an ok thing to do.

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Anonymous OP 1d

And this is so valid, having personal experiences shape how you view things like dating can be helpful for things like protecting yourself. But, as you’ve pointed out, it’s very important to get to the bottom of why these things happen to better address them, as you have. You being a man actually makes me feel way better lol. Part of me being so defeated about this is that I understand why these things happen, but many men either don’t want to listen or they feel attacked so they fight back.

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Anonymous OP 1d

If those men don’t want to listen or address the harms being done to women that they help perpetuate, then I’m sorry I don’t want to date them. It seems just a little too risky for me and I’m really just fine without it

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Anonymous #3 1d

One of my biggest fears is that a guy could be so sweet irl, but then you find his hidden incel Reddit or find out he’s an internet troll making outrageous rape jokes. And yeah a lot of men show their red flags veeery out in the open, but so many are able to hide it that it actually scares me a lot. It’s just so hard having to live with the constant fear of “what if he suddenly changes?”

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Anonymous #2 1d

I feel attacked by women sometimes deadass. But again you have to RCA shit. I feel defeated by everything in general. I hate women that won’t take responsibility for their own part in this problem. But at the end of the day it’s men that gave women the space and idea TO HARM people while weakening the men that women end up hurting. Every male victim of female behavior has to somewhat blame men for his hurt. Not just women

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Anonymous OP 1d

And thankfully if ur genuinely a good person (male or female) I find women will pick you up and try to help you. Even if it’s risky and for that you have to give women mad respect. It’s not like women won’t help men it’s that men make it so fucking worthless to help them that women stop wanting to help. Again men are the root of all my issues personally and all of yours too. Basically fuck men.

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Anonymous OP 1d

I’ve also had to find myself taking a step back at times. I just see so much hate and violence against women that sometimes I’m not super careful with my words. No one’s perfect, but we also have to weigh outcomes as well. Punching up isn’t nearly the same as punching down, especially when it comes to the violence aspect. But yeah as I’ve gotten older my opinions have gained more nuance, I just wish more people would follow

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Anonymous #2 1d

100%. I’ve learned a lot of subtle tells from dangerous exes and I’ve been extremely fortunate that the worst thing that ever happened was being raped once (what a tragedy that that’s “lucky”), but that gives me some amount of reassurance now, at least I know what to look for. If hadn’t found my partner though I would be so at peace being single with the company of my friends and kitties

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Anonymous #2 1d

I will tell you on my side I’m pretty open with my distaste for some female behaviors and my absolute hatred for a ton of male behaviors. If we ever got close enough I would let you have my phone passcode if u wanted to audit me for any possible evidence of incel/perp behavior. I know who I am but sadly in this day and age with men being pieces of shit, men have created this “guilty until proven innocent” bullshit environment. Yea I wish women could trust me but I understand why not.

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Anonymous OP 1d

Maybe the solution to Atl good men is tell them the truth “women act this way because ur fucking peers can’t act right. Not because you are a bad person”

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Anonymous OP 1d

And it really sucks because none of it is really fair to anyone. It’s unfair I have to constantly feel unsafe because of men and it’s unfair you feel guilty until proven innocent because of those same men. It’s this whole shitty system that truely has to start with fixing the male side of things. Until women can start to feel safe, we do have to do certain things to be safe. The whole thing honestly sucks sometimes

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Anonymous #2 1d

As a man with even after being hurt by women, still have a lot of female friends. I too am appalled, sickened and shattered over the mistreatment of women to the point where I often have to click off of media bringing hard truths about the female existence because it’s gonna make me want to unalive myself. It’s like yes I understand and you’ll never really understand why I care but I do and I have my own hurts involving men and it’s all just fucked and I can’t do shit about it.

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Anonymous OP 1d

The whole thing really does suck, I really wish we as a society started to do more to handle the bad men for the sake of both genders. Women could feel safe and men don’t have to feel accused all the time.

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Anonymous #4 21h

Considering I know people from those groups that are dead due to DV I think they should understand why people don’t want to date

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