Ask Women on Yik Yak | how do you help your sister (19) if she’s in a physically abusive relationship (with a 25yo), who lives across the state, and doesn’t listen to reason. so so scared and stressed out because this guy will not let her leave or out of his sight.

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Ask Women 6w

how do you help your sister (19) if she’s in a physically abusive relationship (with a 25yo), who lives across the state, and doesn’t listen to reason. so so scared and stressed out because this guy will not let her leave or out of his sight.

Anonymous 6w

This is very tricky. She has to want to leave, you can’t just “make” her. Maybe a sit down, if you can manage it, with her one on one. Not to beg her to leave, but make your points about why you think he’s abusive. If she still doesn’t want to listen, just make sure she knows ur always there for her, no matter what. Men like that will isolate their victims, make sure she knows ur ALWAYS there for her. Outside of that, maybe let her know some places to call for help if she ever changes her mind.

Anonymous 6w

One thing I suggest, as someone with experience, is don’t try to immediately accuse or insult the bf. People in this situation can defend their abuser because they think it’s what they deserve or just what they are comfortable with atm. The thing that actually ended up helping me was listening to true crime and hearing real stories of other people and how it escalated for them. It’s hard to acknowledge you’re in an unsafe place without hearing someone who is/was in the same place

Anonymous 6w

also this guy has given her an STD, had her kicked out of her house, and fired from her job. i want to scoop her up and live with me but she refuses. 80% of the shit i learn about this situation is from her friends and she feels she can’t tell me (i’m 22 btw)

Anonymous 6w

The only thing I could think of is going to police or hiring a private investigator to gain evidence this is happening.. to then go to the police so they can get her out. She might hate you for it, but she’ll be safe.

Anonymous 6w

I cannot under any circumstances recommend that you kill him because that would be illegal. Also, it would just be so sad if an abuser died. Save evidence. Hide in the closet with a camera if you have to. Photograph any and all injuries that result from the abuse. Evidence is a tool. I cannot legally recommend blackmail. Take evidence to police first. However, if police dismiss your case, you can tell the dude to back off or lose his job/friends/family.

Anonymous 6w

As someone with a little sister, this is like my worst nightmare. Tbh I’d probably just… you know… take matters into my own hands. If you get what I’m saying. Physical abuse can turn deadly and therefore justifies extreme measures.

Anonymous

#1 6w

You can’t force her to leave, she has to want to. Don’t beat yourself up if she goes back to him, just always be there for your sister and always make sure she knows it.

Anonymous

#2 6w

This could also be a possibility, but maybe as a last resort. If they don’t arrest him, a lot of DV cases are dropped if the victim won’t talk about it, he could lash out at her. Be extremely careful if you do choose this route.

Anonymous

#1 6w

Yeah,I agree. It’s a tricky situation and you wouldn’t want the abuser to find out and lash out harder towards her:/

Anonymous

#1 6w

thank you sm❤️ our mom was in an identical situation our whole childhood so i know how difficult it is to leave. ive had a sit down irl with her and she knows hes bad for her. she feels she doesn’t have anywhere to stay and its just so frustrating when she has people who care

Anonymous

#1 6w

i can attest to this. more than half of DV cases get dropped because either the victim drops it or the police don’t give a shit. in this situation she’s got people who are looking out for her, she’s just afraid of change and is too empathetic. ❤️thank you for the advice

Anonymous

OP 6w

Is there anyway for you or anyone else to set up a room/space for her? If she really feels like she had no where to go or stay, showing her that she does have a spot, even if it’s just a cleared off couch. That might make her feel more welcome if that’s really the hang up. It could also just be an excuse so she might flip to another one, but it might make her feel more welcome to come back later.

Anonymous

OP 6w

Just know that you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re trying to help, but she may not be able to see that just yet. Don’t give up on her, since she may have already given up on herself. Show her consistently that she has a safe, caring place to go without trying to force her