you’re not stupid. shit happens, you can’t keep punishing yourself for your mistakes. it seems you’ve already done the hard part of recognizing you need a change in your life. now all you need to do is enact that change. there’s a quote i like that says its better to admit you walked through the wrong door than spend your life in the wrong room. you will be okay after this. you’re only 19. everyone makes mistakes. keep moving forward and prioritizing your health, happiness and safety.