Ask Women on Yik Yak | Hey y'all, I'm a guy who has been SAed many times. Most of the women I have told are supportive but add they trust me because they know me and wouldn't trust another guy if they told them something similar. Is it wrong deep down this hurts me?

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Ask Women 1d

Hey y'all, I'm a guy who has been SAed many times. Most of the women I have told are supportive but add they trust me because they know me and wouldn't trust another guy if they told them something similar. Is it wrong deep down this hurts me?

Anonymous 13h

Thanks to everyone on here who responded to me, I really appreciate you all understanding where I am coming from and it helps to hear because I was worried me being hurt could be misogynistic or me being too sensitive. It's helpful to hear that it's not me doing something wrong

Anonymous 1d

No, that's obviously hurtful.

Anonymous 1d

That’s fucked up. It’s so hard for SA victims to come forward (especially men), assuming someone is lying about that just because they are a man is so fucking awful. It’s more than valid to be hurt. I don’t know what would cause them to think that much less think it was ok to say it.

Anonymous 17h

As a woman I’ve seen too many people disregard victims if they’re not perfect people or are men and it’s so sad. We should believe ALL victims unless we have a legitimate reason not to, and there’s very few instances in which there’d be a legit reason not to.

Anonymous 1d

I know women aren't a monolith and are all different so I hope my question doesn't come across like that. I just wanted to hear what some people on here may think because I have a lot of women friends and I'm also straight and although not all, many women in my life who know have reacted like this. I know a lot of guys can be really awful and sexist but it really hurts to imagine they may think of me badly for going through this if they didn't know me as well

Anonymous

OP 1d

Also, if what I said in my post is insensitive, please let me know as I wanna learn and not be sexist or demeaning

Anonymous

OP 1d

Wait it didn’t sound sexist or demeaning in the slightest to me. I’d be hurt if a woman said this to me too?? Cause why wouldn’t you believe a victim regardless of gender? It’s dismissive and makes it feel like they care less about you because you’re a man, even if that’s not what they intended. Did they explain why they wouldn’t trust a guy if he revealed that he’d been SA’d?

Anonymous

#1 1d

I really appreciate you understanding, thanks so much I did ask some of them out of curiosity and the people I asked told me it's because of the fact that it's less common for men to go through it and even less common many abusers are women (I had both men and women abusers, but most of my abusers were women) so they said it's normally a red flag a guy could be harmed by so many women and for it to not be his fault

Anonymous

OP 1d

Oh I guess I can see their perspective. The way I see it though, a man doesn’t really have anything to gain from lying about SA. So why would he be lying? My instinct would be to trust him and listen to him, and again I understand why their response hurt you. Try not to take it to heart, there are plenty of people who will take you seriously and won’t see you as a threat if you share your story

Anonymous

#1 1d

Like I really can’t think of a good reason to share a fake SA story as a man. Maybe I’m too trusting (I’ve been told this before) but imo you don’t have to worry about the general public responding the same way those friends did

Anonymous

#1 1d

Thanks for everything you said! I can see their POV too, and to be honest, one reason I am scared to tell people is because I know how rare the experiences I have had are and I don't want to take up space from women who go through these things more often.

Anonymous

#1 1d

I would disagree with this. I have experienced a guy saying he was SA’d and gaining sympathy from a lot of the girls in our class, including me. Turns out he was lying to try and coerce the girls into sleeping with him. When I refused he said I was “shaming victims” and started rumors about me and some other girls that said no. He’s a horrible person and is in jail now but guys definitely do lie about SA sometimes

Anonymous

OP 1d

Hey please try not to worry about taking up space. There’s no limit to how many people can contribute to the conversations about SA, and your story could help men in a similar position if you end up sharing. I know some big names like Terry Crews have shared SA stories - you’re not the first man to go through it and sadly you won’t be the last. Idk I’m rambling but don’t feel like you need to censor yourself for women’s sake! Yall deserve healing just as much as female victims.

Anonymous

#2 1d

I'm really sorry you and your classmates dealt with that and that he spread rumors about you too and was coercive. That had to have really hurt. I hope you all aren't hard on yourselves either for what happened because it's all on him for lying and being an abusive person, and thanks for sharing that. My experience hasn't been that people are super supportive when I open up, but I'm glad some people want to be

Anonymous

#2 1d

Yeah this is definitely possible too, there are some real shitty people out there. For men my advice is still to share their stories without fear, for women my advice is to make decisions based on more factors than just SA victim status. Like believe victims, but don’t let that be the deciding factor in trusting someone you don’t know, if that makes sense

Anonymous

#1 1d

That is really kind of you to say and thanks. (Also no worries, you're not rambling at all.) I do remember reading about what people like Terry Crews or Guy Pearce have shared, and I agree with you on that completely. I think the reason I'm afraid is simply because I do realize it's something women deal with more due to misogyny, and I really wanna be careful and not take up space that should go to women. I really appreciate your understanding though and thanks

Anonymous

#4 13h

Thanks, I appreciate it

Anonymous

#3 13h

I appreciate you getting it, thanks and good to know

Anonymous

#5 13h

Thanks, I really appreciate you saying that. I think personally it's hard for people to come forward no matter their gender, but I do appreciate you understanding why it may hurt my feelings when some of my friends and past partners reacted like this. I appreciate it

Anonymous

#7 13h

I appreciate you saying this a lot and thanks. It's helpful to hear from you and some others on here it's not weird it hurts