Anonymous pixiestix 15w

Yes!! I’ve found, personally, that this usually roots to misogyny in some shape or form

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Anonymous pixiestix 15w

Scared of another girl telling me to kill myself because I’m interested in speaking to her, scared of them sharing my personal feelings with their entire group of friends and then them making fun of me together as I’ve experienced before in the past, scared of the subtle but noticeable disgusted look on a girls face when I walk up to her to speak to her.

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Anonymous OP 15w

That sounds like maybe you should think about the way you are approaching women, the way they might view interactions (with the lens of defensive protection of their safety). Do you pick up on social ques? It can be hard when you miss them to read why they are reacting that way

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Anonymous #2 15w

Define social ques, I’d say yeah but what specifically are you referring to

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Anonymous OP 15w

Body language, what is seen as “acceptable” reading emotions. Really everything that goes into social interactions that may lead to why they are giving you this negative feedback to your behavior

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Anonymous #2 15w

Well yeah it’s that body language that I’m scared of

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Anonymous OP 15w

so you’re scared of negative reactions, i think what 2 is trying to say is that people don’t react negatively towards you for no reason (usually). if this has happened to you more often than not when you approach women, it’s possible that it has something to do with the way you’re approaching OR maybe you’re just reading their reaction wrong

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Anonymous pixiestix 15w

If I don’t know the person I tend to walk up usually from the front so they can see me approaching and I say hi my name is ____ what’s your name? And then I go into asking questions about them, or maybe a question regarding the place we are at/what we are doing but if at any point I get a weird look from them I shut down internally and just can’t think of what to say next because I feel they just don’t want me to speak to them to begin with

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Anonymous OP 15w

If they are in groups, that’s almost always a bad time to approach someone new. If they have headphones on, if they’re studying, anything that indicates they want to be left alone, leave them alone. Maybe start with smaller conversations or compliments as you are passing. You can ask if they want to be complimented too if it may seem cat-call ish. Maybe your conversations feel disjointed to them? Try to not have it all at once.

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Anonymous OP 15w

ah i see. cold approach from men in a public place can be nerve wracking or uncomfortable for women sometimes because we don’t always know what their intentions are. i think the name of the game is to read whether or not she seems up for social interaction with strangers. if i’m reading a book in a public park, i’m not really up for befriending strangers at that time, i might be a little weirded out if a man or woman came up and asked for my name.

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Anonymous OP 15w

i think it’s much easier to start a conversation if you’re both doing an activity, and use that as the conversation starter. even in the reading a book scenario, i feel like i would be much more comfortable off the bat if someone was like “oh i love that book!” instead of asking questions about me

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Anonymous pixiestix 15w

Yes!!! It can be much less scripted/formal

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Anonymous #2 15w

right, i don’t know why but starting with exchanging names with a total stranger feels really personal to me 😭😭 even though that should be completely normal 🤷‍♀️ i think OP will see better results even if he pushes the name exchanging to like the second or third thing in the conversation. finding something to connect on first breaks the ice in a much more natural way imo!

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Anonymous pixiestix 15w

i think it’s because if someone just comes up to me and tells me their name, i’m subconsciously like “why are they talking to me? are they going to try to hit on me or say something sexual or is this friendly?” and then my guards are up. whereas if you start by saying something that we have in common, i know exactly why you approached and what kind of conversation you’re looking to have

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Anonymous pixiestix 15w

Yeah I try to read whether they are up to it and I infer the answer is no pretty much every time, I’m not sure how to read. It differently or even make myself ignore those ques which I probably shouldn’t do but me taking those ques in isn’t really getting me anywhere other than an awkward exit as I can’t think of what else to say as I’m stricken with fear

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Anonymous OP 15w

You’re assuming, not inferring..

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Anonymous #3 15w

You could say I’m doing both based on the definitions of both

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