Autistic girl community on Yik Yak | hey guy, so my bf has autism and he HATES his phone and never uses it but i use my pretty frequently and i feel like no matter how i get across to him that i would just like him to text me a lil more often or send a check in message/just lmk what he is1/2

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Autistic girl community 16w

hey guy, so my bf has autism and he HATES his phone and never uses it but i use my pretty frequently and i feel like no matter how i get across to him that i would just like him to text me a lil more often or send a check in message/just lmk what he is1/2

Anonymous 16w

But personally, given that you say, he hates using his phone, it sounds like your request would be asking him to change something fundamental about himself. It may be that the two of you are just not compatible if you need frequent reassurance and he hates using his phone.

Anonymous 16w

i hate my phone also and struggle to keep in contact with people digitally. i know i am not compatible with people who want daily phone based communication as this always becomes a point of contention

Anonymous 16w

up to he does when he is finished with what he is doing or wtv like i know he has time to send a quick message like i would but he also is the type of person who doesn’t need to talk everyday. he rather be in person. like i understand autism and everything but with my anxiety and everything it’s just so hard bc i want to talk with him more

Anonymous 16w

If you haven’t already, you could talk to him and really clearly lay out how often you wish he would text you in order for you to feel safe or appreciated or whatever you are hoping to feel. However, in that case, it would be very likely he would just be doing it to humor you. If you’re OK with that, maybe that’s not a bad thing.

Anonymous 16w

So I’m not saying you’re definitely not compatible, just saying that you may come to a point where you have to decide whether it is worth it for you even if he does not change his phone habits

Anonymous

OP 16w

and i don’t want him to think im complaining

Anonymous

#1 16w

he definitely is t doing it to humor me he isn’t that type of person and we have talked about it i just have bad adhd that make me go in loops like y hasn’t he texted me in forever and ik he loves me and i just wanted to know if it’s maybe common with autism to hate ur phone but also wanted input😭😭 so thank you smm buy i don’t want him to change anything about himself at all

Anonymous

OP 16w

You may also want to look into treating the anxiety and even look into ocd! I have adhd, autism, anxiety, and ocd, and it turns out the ocd was the driver for my “reassurance seeking” over text (which was really hard for my bf). When I realized it was a compulsion of mine and not an objective need, it was so much easier to address it and not need as much reassurance over text.

Anonymous

OP 16w

That may not describe you at all, so apologies if it does not! Just something to look into because I literally never thought it was connected or changeable in my case until I got my diagnosis.

Anonymous

OP 16w

Btw, it’s TOTALLY normal to want someone to text you a certain amount to feel connected! It’s just worth looking into more if you frequently feel distressed, upset, worried, or anxious when you don’t get a text (when the relationship is otherwise going well)

Anonymous

#1 16w

i am treating my anxiety but i’m waiting rn to see a new therapist/psychiatrist, i have been thinking recently i have ocd but idrk. how do u cope with it bc i just do not know how and its consuming my life and not just with this

Anonymous

#2 16w

yeah and i totally understand that and i just don’t want to push him away where he feels like he isn’t compatible with me wanting daily communication (i give him space when he needs)

Anonymous

OP 16w

One thing that helped is identifying or at least guessing what may be obsessions or compulsions. For me, it’s mainly mental things, like replaying or rehearsing conversations in my head, or doing other things to try and get reassurance about something worrying me (such as researching things online or asking people close to me for reassurance).

Anonymous

OP 16w

And then once I have an idea that something is probably an OCD behavior, I remind myself of the times that I had a worry like that and it didn’t come true, or wasn’t that bad, which helps me not obsess as much. I have been learning to see those kind of thoughts/impulses as “mind weather” that passes thru, as opposed to something inherently true or necessary that requires addressing. Like “my brain’s doing this again, huh” (without thinking I’m a bad person or stupid for having the impulse)

Anonymous

#1 16w

so i have been trying to catch myself from the thoughts before they get stuck in loops, or ask for some reassurance sometimes but i don’t want to overload with texting

Anonymous

#1 16w

ok i sent that before u sent urs lol but that’s a good idea. it’s just very hard with like the chest tightness sometimes and finger picking/biting i literally can’t stop

Anonymous

OP 16w

Yeah, it’s still a struggle… I also have skin picking disorder and I haven’t found a reliable way to not do it. Long sleeves and covering mirrors help reduce it, but it’s tough.

Anonymous

#1 16w

thank you for your help. i hope you find some more way to help yourself as well:)

Anonymous

#2 16w

Yah me too for sure. I’m perfectly happy to not text my friends for months and then act like no time has passed when we see each other in person. Most of my friends are fine with this but I have a new friend who wants to text every day (and gets upset if it passes midnight and we haven’t texted) and idk how long I’ll be able to keep it up for 😅