I did something similar as a kid, constantly maladaptively daydreamed about a knight in shining armor saving me from my crappy childhood. As a teen I got into toxic relationships where I felt isolated, it was us against the world but in the worst way. As a young adult I ran through a string of men who thought they could fix me. I was so dissociated that I couldnt experience any pain/pleasure from sex, to the point that there were times where I would be curled up in a ball numb afterwards

10