Unfortunately the only way to find out what’s going on is through an exam. You can request accommodations, like having an emotional support person with you, having a nurse also be in the room, and some drs are willing to give anxiety meds under those circumstances. You can see if they’d be willing to do imaging and run tests first to avoid a pelvic exam. A lot of the test that need swabs can be self-collected
I don’t have the same issue, but I got some gyno issues I’ve avoided getting looked at bc the exams give me so much anxiety and stress bc of how uncomfortable I am with them (mentally and physically). And now I’m dealing with even more issues bc I ignored everything so long. Unfortunately I will probably be having an exam later this week, and I want to avoid it. But I know it needs to be done or I’ll never have answers and only pain. Find a dr you can trust and see what they can do to help you