i need to get out of here..i live in my grandfathers house and he recently passed and i feel so trapped. i have a strict family and they didn’t even entertain the thought of me leaving for college when i first started. i feel so stupid for picking up my life and leaving because i’m only 20 but my city and my state had no opportunities for me (which is an exaggeration). it’s all so suffocating. i’ve never left home by myself.

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that's sounds really dangerous. how long have you known him?

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and i’m coming here because i dont have the heart to tell him that i want to push back the move date further because i already postponed another trip of ours and i dont want to have to tell him that he might have to live without me for two months (he has to be out of his house by march) but i just dont have my life together the way he does. we set the march date back when my life was stable and he’s made plans and talks about moving all the time and all it does is make me nauseous.

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and i have no one to tell. i cant talk to my family and my friends all tell me that i’m “a grown woman and can do whatever i want”, but it’s not just black and white like that for me. if i move i’ll be happier and i know this. he wants to marry me. i sound so naive and i’m hyperaware of this fact, but i know that i’m loved so dearly by him. but i’m in the middle of a degree. im so fucking broke. everythings changed recently and i’m terrified of leaving my family.

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