Anonymous #1 4w

If I look fine/cute/normal whatever. even living alone and not seeing anyone I still do my makeup in the morning lol. but I mean even down to my work out and diet. people think I look good and healthy, but I dont think they realize how much of a lifestyle it is to maintain my physique. I enjoy the lifestyle but I could see how others may find me boring when they realize how much of a lifestyle it really is idk

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Anonymous OP 4w

like I like be / feel exceptionally fit / lean bc I enjoy maintaining this physique and even the lifestyle. but like I don’t drink, I eat less and the food I do eat is very nutritionally dense which isn’t always the most fun food. and sometimes I fast, it’s calculated/healthy, but it’s less fun. I obvi don’t care if others don’t join me, but I know how couples like to have similar habits and idk my daily habits might seem boring lol. like I really don’t care to drink or go get ice cream cuz it

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Anonymous OP 4w

isn’t worth it to me. not in a sad way I just genuinely enjoy really making the most of the calories I consume and unhealthy food for example doesn’t bring me much joy. like sure maybe random special occasions but it isn’t something I regularly do, but I get how many people would find me a kill joy for being like that. the same ppl who might think I look great at first glance don’t realize it comes with a lifestyle

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Anonymous OP 4w

(btw no one has to read all this or respond it just feels good to be real and express )

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Anonymous OP 4w

But do you expect your partner to match your effort that way with the same things?

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Anonymous OP 4w

also imma keep adding im jus treating this like a journal at this point lol. but like obvi im sure I could loosen my lifestyle a little bit and I have lived like that before and probably not looked too terribly different. I know others may still find me attractive if I loosened up a bit, but I like to look my best for myself. but I fear that mindset might also mean i’m perhaps too vain for a relationship? but I hope that isn’t true because it makes me feel good to look what I consider my very be

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Anonymous OP 4w

best*. but idk like i’ve dated guys before and I fear they may all be similar at least in my age range (20s). like they like to go out be spontaneous have fun etc. and I have a fun personality at first, but the only reason my personality is so fun and pleasant is bc I honestly require a lot of alone time to recharge and be pleasant. I can sorta be spontaneous but I like to have my life together more these days. i’ve dated guys obvi and they’ve still found me attractive when I used to be more lax

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Anonymous OP 4w

/ drink more / be spontaneous/ eat less healthy / workout less. but now im like in my best shape and look my best and drinking and being spontaneous for no reason just isn’t as worth it to me anymore. I like to have my life together and have enough energy to be good at work and get tasks done everyday and also obvi maintain my physique and keep my hair done and etc. and it’s like a part of me that I don’t really want to let go of now that I am at this point? but ik how guys i’ve previously dated

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Anonymous OP 4w

for example may find that so boring lol. but perhaps they were less mature anyways. also obvi I know a relationship requires effort and compromise, and I would obvi try to show up my very best. I still like fun things, I love traveling i’m a flight attendant and my version of “fun” is traveling or having fun conversations about our day if we are in the mood. but like I don’t do all that spontaneous getting drunk type stuff anymore idk

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Anonymous OP 4w

Lol you can dm me if you don’t want to have this weird revealing dialogue in public

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Anonymous OP 4w

literally this is my journal at this point literally not expecting anyone to read all this 💀💀💀 my birthday coming up has me thinking deeper abt life rn 💀💀💀

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Anonymous #1 4w

haha I appreciate the offer I unfortunately have no shame being super personal on anonymous internet 😭😭😭 also i’m truly just typing all this out to the void lowkey cuz I would never expect a singular person to read and respond to all this but I appreciate it fr 😂🙏

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Anonymous OP 4w

Well I’m reading it and enjoy it. Interesting thoughts

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Anonymous #1 4w

also to answer ur question about partner matching my effort I don’t think I would really care like idk I feel like in a way me being so particular is lowkey a feminine thing and I understand guys are less complex / finicky in general. if anything ig I would appreciate a guy bringing understanding / giving me space to live the way I live, and understand I do it bc I have high standards for myself and want to be healthy but also look my best. ig we would have to meet eye to eye in a way about -

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Anonymous #2 4w

I skimmed I’m gonna be honest that was a lot but!!! What I read was that it seems like you’re scared of being boring because you’re disciplined and there are people out there who will respect your choices and you’re allowed to have boundaries. I got engaging to a man who left half the year because he traveled for work. When we were together we binged a little more but we each had our own routines and our own lives and we were able to make it work for us. We’re no longer together but it happens

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Anonymous OP 4w

To me giving space and or money to help her do what she needs to do to look her best seems like a win win as long as it doesn’t mean I never get to see her lol

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Anonymous #1 4w

valuing health and fitness and jus feeling life life and responsibilities are taken care of (rather than always getting drunk and high to avoid life). but I almost would expect the way a man would care about his health would be obvi kinda diff from me. and idk I kinda get it seems like most guys don’t like to overthink. but moreso ig jus general respect and understanding of me sticking to my ways and him being healthy in his own ways so he is his best self vibes

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Anonymous #2 4w

omg u are sweet for even skimming any of it and adding ur thoughts haha 🙏 I really appreciate ur perspective that does give me hope. i’m turning 25 soon so i’m sure part of me is also learning to accept my more “disciplined/boring” self, bc before this I always dated in a more fun/wreckless undertone & I feel like that’s partly what my “exes”or whatever liked abt me lol. so it feels weird it’s not part of me as much 🙏 but no need to respond or read this either I really appreciate ur input🙏💛

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Anonymous #1 4w

I am really glad to hear even u a random yakker (even tho u r more than that lol) at least skim and kinda see how it could be a win lol. cuz truly it obvi also means i wouldnt let myself go (cuz to me being confident is important). I know aging and life happens, but I enjoy trying my best to always look my best despite that. I do think id have to work on accepting that sometimes i’d have to be at least in some ways less “selfish” but I like to think its possible to maintain myself for the most -

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Anonymous OP 4w

part and maintain a healthy relationship 🙏

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Anonymous OP 4w

I’m a bit older so perhaps you just need to give it a few years for men to appreciate your mature and thoughtful way of handling yourself. There will come a day where partying all the time isn’t sustainable or desirable anymore and you’ll have already beat them to the punch

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Anonymous #2 4w

Lowkey this feels like you’re undermining men. My ex cared more about eating clean than I did. We were together because we were both very career driven. I was a stoner but he never smoked, and drank less than I did. There are men who do care about their routines and their fitness and health. I have always lived for my routines (I go for a 7m hike on weekend and work out during the week). You can find someone who matches your vibe you just have to set that expectation and understand it’s atypical

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Anonymous #1 4w

haha I honestly really appreciate your perspective and your most recent comment. the simple way you put it is reassuring /comforting 😂🙏I know I obvi have my own growing / adjusting to do, but the perspective you share is comforting so thank you 🙏🙏

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Anonymous OP 4w

Anytime. I’m always here if you want to journal more

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