
I lost weight not at all from exercising, eating right, etc. but because I had previously been untreated for a condition I have that causes weight gain. The reactions from my family horrified me. My own grandmother told me she’s “jealous”, when she’s 70 years older than me. My cousin who’s had a literal child said I was her “goal.” I eat nothing but fast food. When I eat a frozen dinner, *that* feels healthy to me. I’m not proud of it; but being honest. It’s horrible to me how much both—
—“beauty” and perceived health is seen as what makes someone worth anything. I hope my comment doesn’t sound like me trying to brag for losing weight eating like trash; I really am not happy about it. Just the idea of my relatives with such different health histories, metabolisms, etc. comparing themselves to me makes me sick to my stomach for them. Especially since I KNOW they eat healthier than me.
god that’s frustrating. it’s as if they somehow don’t understand that in essence they’re saying they wished they were in your position, when “your position” is dealing with a chronic illness, all the complications that come with treatment, and a sudden dramatic shift in what the experience of inhabiting your own body is like
and nah, definitely doesn’t read as boastful to me! I absolutely understand what a jarring experience it is to suddenly drop a ton of weight for reasons related to chronic illness and to feel deeply alienated by other people’s reactions and presumptions about it. even when you’re being treated better for having lost weight, it’s like… oh, wow, so y’all really Did value me less as an entire person because of my size / shape!! cool, time to unpack that for a few years…
EXACTLY! And the feeling of knowing that when I gain any weight, which I definitely will as that’s a normal part of aging or even just random life events, apparently I’ll “go back to being ugly” or “unworthy” for them. I’m sorry you’re going through/have gone through a similar thing <3
real, because at this point I’m nervous about continuing to lose more weight Or gaining some of it back. I just want for my clothes to fit normally and to not have to feel like my body’s a spectacle people are always “evaluating” + likewise, I’m sorry securing treatment has also meant having to navigate others’ weird attitudes and do so much processing around that shit 🥲