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Confessions 16w
I think I’m asexual, but I’m in a relationship with a hypersexual man who greatly values physical intimacy. It’s my first relationship which is why I didn’t realize before. I adore him, but I’m scared if I tell him I don’t enjoy sex he’ll leave me.
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Anonymous 16w

The truth is, he probably will. Intimacy needs matching (on all levels of intimacy, not just sex) is really important for healthy relationship maintenance. Sex drives being mismatched can be addressed with work and compromise, but sexuality differences can’t be overcame the same way. This may not work, and that’s ok

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Anonymous 16w

is it that you don’t enjoy sex or is that he requires you guys to have sex so much that you don’t like it anymore? wither is valid, just a question I think would serve you to consider

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Anonymous replying to -> #2 16w

I second this, but also talking about it with him is important. Intimacy is far more than just sex and maybe that’s what you’re missing.

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 16w

agreed. like is he meeting all of your emotional needs? does he make you feel like your voice matters? like you have a choice in whether or not you have sex? does he make all of the sex you guys do have is meaningful and loving or is it more like a chore?

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Anonymous replying to -> #2 16w

Exactly, because I thought I was asexual with my ex, who was also my first, but turns out he’s just a selfish jerk who didn’t care about any of my needs.

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 16w

yea i was in the same boat as you. being used for your body and ignored in your needs, irrespective of how much you love and adore the guy, makes you hate sex. trust me, I remember the feeling.

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Anonymous replying to -> #2 16w

It’s one of the worst feelings, but thankfully I can see it wasn’t me and avoid shitty men like that

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 16w

absolutely that’s the best path forward

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Anonymous replying to -> #2 16w

This is a good point. At this point I dread going to bed with him because I know the second the lights go out he’ll start humping me like a dog. But it feels more like disgust rather than exhaustion, so I really am leaning towards asexuality.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 16w

girl I think you’re disgusted by the idea of sex with him because he’s a pig and you need to ditch him. if he can’t control his impulses, you can find someone better who can

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 16w

If you think about it like eating your favorite food every single day you’d be disgusted by it after a time, and never want it again. But it you had it when you were just in the mood for it, you’d enjoy it. Obviously there is more to it than that, like the emotional side of it.

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 16w

yea exactly. I say give yourself a detox OP, and see how you feel after that. most of the people who I’ve met that are asexual- it comes from a feeling of indifference and generalized disinterest more so than disgust, and given how hypersexual your man is, I say it’s something to consider. if being ace resonates, I don’t want to make you feel invalidated in your identity. I’m bi myself, I want you to feel at home in your skin and with yourself. but I want you to consider everything first

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