
Why? Bc as a girl, I thought I felt this way (but reversed), but I really do want to be a girl, I just YEARN for what men have. The strength, the power, the respect, the lack of sexualization/objectification, the ability to just be/just be seen as a human being. Just a doctor. Not a female doctor. Just a strong person, not a 'strong for a girl' person. Not being as vulnerable to being harmed/targeted by men. Etc. If all gendered social concepts vanished, and we could all just be people-
Felt! There's a huge movement for being yourself as a woman rn, so it's less bad. But there's still MAJOR consequences for not fitting in the perfect soft, or sexy feminine frame. All the intense gender roles opposed on men haven't shifted as much, and it's awful. And much of it has to do with ensuring that femininity is seen as pathetic/lesser/weak/nearly revolting, so it harms all of us! See, it's the gender roles imposed by society that's killing us. Not the inherent natures of the gender.
I'm sorry you have to live in such a tight box with so much pressure :( I encourage you to do the wildly brave, difficult thing and say FUCK IT. Help the movement, and just be yourself regardless of others. You defying the rigid expectations, and being uniquely yourself, is a bold act of resistance/revolution in itself.