Anonymous beestboy 20h

Woman goes to bar, befriends and talks to a man known for being shitty. People tell her but she does not care. Woman dates man and finds out he’s a bum and abusive after a couple months. She dumps him, then blames ALL men for his actions when the signs were there before hand.

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Anonymous beestboy 20h

Hope this helps

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Anonymous OP 19h

so i agree that the woman here is partially at fault for dating a dude who people already warned her about. but i do have to point out that even in your own example, you say that the woman only finds out FROM HIM what he's truly like a few months in, which implies he was being manipulative and presenting a front that didn't represent his true self (1/?)

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Anonymous OP 19h

while i think that yeah if multiple people who you actually know and trust tell you someone's a red flag you should heed their warning regardless of the man's presentation, i think what might be more common is a woman MAYBE being warned by a couple strangers (maybe one of the man's exes!) —in which case who is she going to trust more, the people she doesn't know at all, or the man who she does know (or is starting to get to know)? (21?)

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Anonymous OP 19h

the man who can use her trust and overall lack of personal experience with him to spin stories others are telling about him to paint himself as the victim? it's kind of like that. more importantly than all that though is while yes someone has a responsibility to keep themselves safe and should acknowledge when they've done something that jeaopordized their own safety, there's this disproportionate amount of focus placed on the person who got hurt over the person who did the hurting (3/?)

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Anonymous OP 19h

it's often times "women don't take responsibility for their own actions" and rarely "that man shouldn't have done that" is the issue. i'm not necessarily saying we give guys like these a free pass but also we kind of do, when we focus so much on this "women and accountability" thing. it almost implies the men can't or shouldn't be expected to do better, like they're a force of nature, and so it's your fault if you're hurt by them when they could've just not done that. if that makes sense. (4/4)

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Anonymous OP 18h

* i'm also a bit skeptical of the overall framing because i just don't think women tend to start saying "all men are trash" because one specific guy (and one she specifically knew beforehand was shitty) treated her badly. or at least in my own annecdotal experience, that's not the case. i see that it tends to stem from an accumulation of negative experiences from various men in a woman's life, from her own father and brothers to complete strangers.

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Anonymous #4 16h

While the own family members part can play a role, the family members you have aren’t a representation of all men…. Along with that, multiple men being problematic is still her fault. Nobody held her at gun point saying she has to date these men. As a man, I can find a flaw in a bad man very easily. The amount of times I’ve seen women date or talk to a horrible dude and still go for it. Not fair to turn around because of YOUR CHOICE and blame ALL men.

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Anonymous #4 16h

Your interpretation of “women and accountability” is not fully true, men are held accountable for EVERYTHING. Not everytime or which is wrong too but for the most part, the man will be held accountable. When a man fucks up it’s highlighted, when a woman fucks up excuses are made. Both have bad apples that do it but it’s not fair to say that only women are looked at to be blame when in fact we get blamed as whole. Not fair to blame women as a whole either but come on now. Hating on men 1/2

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Anonymous OP 16h

dude only 1%-3% of sexual assault cases face any prosecution, wdym men are held accountable for everything?

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Anonymous OP 16h

Is much more endorsed. All through this tab is people hating on men. We have a lot of bad apples but I think it’s dumb to put all of us in one group.

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Anonymous #4 16h

I do want to say that I appreciate your POV and input. I’m not here to hate on you or women. I have a very loving girlfriend which is a blessing and a privilege to have. I just hate how others use their own experiences and choices to pin on a whole group for their problems.

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Anonymous #3 16h

Show me links. Stats can be skewed. I’m guessing you don’t care about how many men are being assaulted either right? Men get sexually assaulted and laughed at for reporting so I’d be careful coming in here throwing stats when we know stats can be skewed and messed with.

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Anonymous #3 16h

But women do the same shit 😂😂😂😂 stop it. You would not be commenting this if it was about men….

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Anonymous OP 16h

you don’t know me dude, i’m just trying to help you out

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Anonymous OP 16h

RAINN estimates that out of every 1,000 sexual assaults in the U.S., only 50 lead to an arrest, 28 to a felony conviction, and 25 to incarceration, i’m a criminal justice major and a dude, i don’t hate men obviously

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Anonymous #3 16h

Not discrediting you, but your second word said “estimates” you can’t talk stats and then use words like estimate. You failed to acknowledge my points on it being reported by men. I’m not sitting here hating on women on the flip, EVERY CRIMINAL MAN OR WOMAN should be punished fully but to only bring up stats for women seems sexist and ignorant. I will rebuff on my men are always held accountable but when punishments or finding the suspect, men are held to a different harsher standard than women.

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Anonymous #3 16h

I don’t need help lol. Never said I knew you, I just find it hard to believe you would make this same comment under someone saying the same shit about men. 😂😂 I’m just pointing out the hypocrisy.

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Anonymous OP 16h

estimates are a crucial part of statistics bro

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Anonymous OP 16h

i do though, why would i want people to generalize us too?

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Anonymous OP 15h

ahhh so it's a woman's fault if her father and/or stepfather is abusive or absent from birth, as a teen she is catcalled and molested by boys her age and significantly older men alike, as an adult she is looked down upon by her boss and expected to go above and beyond for no other reason than because she's a woman, she hears about her friends having similar experiences...and after all that, she decides that men kinda suck. got it. (1/?)

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Anonymous OP 15h

inb4 "that's not what i said at all" i know! but what you DID do is prove my point a bit about people being so focused on women taking accountability that they forget the entire other part of the equation. i said "an accumulation of negative experience" and all you could think of was a woman who just keeps dating sucky men for some reason, this imaginary woman that you can blame for her actions and mindset very easily. (2/?)

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Anonymous OP 15h

mind you i agree if a woman keeps ending up in relationships with sucky men she needs to look inward and unpack why that is the case for her own sake (often times this, too, is caused by having been exposed to abusive relationships early on in life). but like come on lmfao. way to miss the point. which is that the men in question Do Not Have To Be Abusive and it is Not Her Fault if they are. (3/?)

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Anonymous OP 15h

i mean you bring up the idea of people not being held at gun point to be in these relationships which yes i think that's probably not the case a lot of the time but you ARE aware that people can be pressured into remaining into abusive relationships, right? like that that's kind of part of the abuse? a boyfriend threatening to kill himself if his girlfriend leaves him? (4/?)

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Anonymous OP 15h

or a wife with multiple children now not feeling financially secure enough to leave a husband she's discovered after YEARS of them building their life together has cheated on her with someone else? like. brother. forgive me if i'm extrapolating outward too much but it's really too narrow minded of a perspective for you to just be like "well i simply wouldn't get in that situation because i'm better and smarter." (5/5)

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Anonymous OP 15h

* also let me clarify. MAJORITY of women when they say they "hate all men" they don't actually mean they individually and personally hate every single man that's ever lived. the more complex statement here is that they hate the society that raises men to do violence against women, hate women, look down on them, etc., and they hate the men that do those things and can (and often do) get away with it.

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Anonymous OP 15h

** i personally don't say i hate all men 'cause i like being precise with my language unless i'm purposefully exaggerating. but i do often utilize "not all men but always a man." there are just certain things that men are significantly more likely to do vs. women because they've been taught (explicitly or implicitly) that it's okay and even encouraged to do that, or that at the very least, they can get away with doing it with relatively little consequence.

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