Anonymous #2 12w

You can stay friends but shouldn’t always

11

Anonymous #2 12w

i think you can choose to not approach the friendship with bitterness though, or give yourself time to heal

6

Anonymous OP 12w

I mean yeah, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out

10

Anonymous #6 12w

Have you ever been so attracted to someone that it’s hard to see them any other way than romantically?

3

Anonymous #5 12w

No, never 😭 I’ve never not been able to lose feelings and move the fuck on, it makes me feel sexualized and like a fuck toy bc it seems like they have only lust behind it. Mind you, I always friend zone people when I have friend zoned them, after the 2nd or 3rd date, so no ‘I love you’ or shit like that.

5

Anonymous #6 12w

Well all the times I felt like that are usually romantic and not lustful but ok

1

Anonymous #5 12w

I get that it can be a not lustful feeling behind it, but it just seems so odd to not be able to not be friends after a 2-3rd date like

3

Anonymous #6 12w

Usually it’s because I love the person too much that having a platonic relationship hurts because it’s not a romantic one. And idk most of the time it’s over a few years, like one time I started listening to mcr and fallout boy just because I had the biggest mush crush on here lol and it made me feel closer to her.

1

Anonymous #5 12w

But I have gotten feelings like that after a few days or something (I’ve never really been on a date)

1

Anonymous #5 12w

A few years is VALID though and MAKES SENSE! Like the 2-3 dates though and barely knowing a person is what upsets me

3

Anonymous #6 12w

I guess but you can only know someone for a bit but feel like you know a lot about them

1

Anonymous #5 12w

That’s true. Idk. I just still feel like sexualized because of it. I don’t know why, but it makes me feel sexualized

1

Anonymous #6 12w

I guess so, although tbh I’ve never had that experience so maybe I just would have to experience it to understand.

2

Anonymous #9 12w

i don't see why that's toxic? like i didn't say it wasn't difficult to work up the courage to tell your crush you have feelings but it's like given when you do that you have a 50/50 shot of them returning the feeling. and this whole post is like you shouldn't let that ruin a friendship. take some time away to heal, and the come back with a fresh perspective

4

Anonymous #7 12w

wtf, if they didn't like you then why would they want to be your friend?? are you typically friends with people you don't like?? do you not know the difference between like a romantic and platonic?!

1

Anonymous OP 12w

Yeah in a perfect world that would happen, but every time I’ve confessed to someone it’s been practically painful for it to be a friendship instead of a relationship.

1

Anonymous #5 12w

Why do you think they owe you that romantic relationship?

-1

Anonymous OP 12w

I just think the assumption that people who confess their feelings to their crush expect something back is a little toxic. Like I said, some people tell their crush bc they feel like not saying anything isn’t what’s best for them

2

Anonymous #5 12w

you come back to the friendship once you've healed from the pain, you can't move on if you never deal with it and r still always around them.

2

Anonymous #9 12w

and you're right and i feel like if that is the case then if they still want to be friends with you why wouldn't you be glad? at least they still want u in ur life? and now you don't have to keep your feelings inside anymore, you can properly move on since u know it's unrequited

5

Anonymous OP 12w

I think I just have more intense crushes than you do because for me it’s super hard to be in any kind of nonromantic relationship with them, and I would have to lose the crush to not feel that way.

1

Anonymous #5 12w

No I def have rly intense crush and have lost friends bc of it. I’m just saying for me I do better with tellin them I like them bc ik the feelings aren’t mutual so I can move on

1

Anonymous #5 12w

well yes? that's what i said. someone not reciprocating your feelings shouldn't be this painful for you i feel like. like to me what you're describing is like being friends with ur ex after a break up. not being rejected by the girl you like. i mean like you shouldn't even go into first dates with the expectation of it becoming a full fledged relationship let alone like just asking someone out.

2

Anonymous OP 12w

I think we are just fundamentally different people

3

Anonymous #5 12w

Everyone is

1

Anonymous #9 12w

… cool

1

Anonymous #5 12w

do you go into first dates with the expectation of it becoming a relationship? do you not go on multiple first dates with different ppl at a time?

1

Anonymous #5 12w

Wasn’t trying to cause an issue. I was just saying that everyone is different so there was no need for your comment

1

Anonymous OP 12w

1. Yes I go into dates because I am interested in the person and want to transition into a full relationship. 2. Not really no, although I haven’t been on many dates. But usually when I mee someone I like enough to go on a date with I don’t want anyone else but her.

0

Anonymous #9 12w

When I said “I think we are just fundamentally different people” I didn’t mean we are different in the way that I am not op and op isn’t me, I meant that like I have different beliefs and stuff.

5

Anonymous #5 12w

Wow, that's interesting. I would feel a little creeped out i think if i went on a first date with someone and they expect it to transition into a full exclusive relationship, like what if you don't actually like them? first dates r like for getting to know ppl like i went on two first dates this week and both of the people we didn't have much in common

3

Anonymous OP 12w

Well usually it’s been a few weeks/months before I ask but that’s because I waited until we both expressed interest in each other to ask. What’s always happened for me when I go in this way and she doesn’t is that she tells me she isn’t as interested in me as I am interested in her, and I just end up sad.

1

Anonymous #5 12w

For example the last girl I went on dates with we both ended up deleting dating apps because we wanted to be with each other.

1

Anonymous #5 12w

Oh so you don't go on dates with strangers is what ur saying. That makes a lot more sense, i don't consider talking online and stuff beforehand as like ig bonding since things r so much different irl. It helps but i usually only do that for a week or two until i ask them out or they ask me out. If they don't ask or i don't like them enough to ask then it just dies lol. I'll only delete dating apps if im in a exclusive relationship. Which doesn't happen before 5 dates in usually at 3 dates tho

3

Anonymous OP 12w

i'm not going on as many first dates and by the 4th date i'll only go on a first date if i have already planned one out before we can have our 4th date.

1

Anonymous #5 12w

Yeah you confess, get rejected, and then lose the crush, then go back to friendship. If your crush is too intense either you let it cook for far too long, or it’s not a crush but an obsession

4

Anonymous OP 12w

They never said they did? Why do you think they owe you that friendship?

2

Anonymous OP 12w

nah it’s the fact you’d want people that liked you to be your friend that’s weird

2

Anonymous OP 12w

Maybe you’re just looking for incompatible things from each other. Someone likes you romantically but you like them platonically. Sometimes the person with romantic interest is willing to settle for being platonic friends even though they would prefer a romantic relationship, but other times, they aren’t.

1

Anonymous OP 12w

Like replace friendship with fwb in your post and see how it comes across. “I hate the term hookup-zoned. Just because you develop feelings for someone doesn’t mean they owe you a romantic relationship. I just feel like people see being a fwb as failure when it should be fulfilling. You get to be intimate with them!”

1

Anonymous OP 12w

Like yeah, you don’t owe them a relationship when you don’t reciprocate their feelings, but they don’t owe it to you either to continue being fwb, no strings attached, when it’s not actually fulfilling for them, whether or not you think it “should” be.

1

Anonymous #11 12w

no but there’s no gain to being friends it’s lowk manipulative when yk they like you just let em go

1

Anonymous OP 12w

Huh?

3

Anonymous #10 12w

this like u can't fall in love in with someone if they don't love u back

1

Anonymous #7 12w

that's not it. apparently people have way more intense crushes on people than i do which is what is really weird

1

Anonymous OP 12w

so it only benefits you, as i said just leave em alone

3

Anonymous #11 12w

No i think the problem is my definition of a what a crush is doesn't align with yours. Crushes in my opinion aren't supposed to ever be as deep as developing feelings. Imo it's really weird to be so into a person you aren't dating that you developed those feelings for them, especially bc all the nice things they do for you was bc you're friends. You're misreading that, so of course if you tell I wouldn't take "I like you." as "I have feelings for you."

1

Anonymous OP 12w

that's why i like made this post. it shouldn't feel like heartbreaking if someone isn't into you, and it shouldn't ruin a friendship.

1

Anonymous OP 12w

but it definitely makes it harder to sustain on and as i said you’d be the only one to benefit, you’re basically saying it’s their fault for even having feelings which makes no sense

4

Anonymous OP 12w

if i was talking to someone that had friends that liked them or “crushed” on them it’s an immediate no, those feelings don’t really belong in a FRIENDSHIP and shouldn’t be encouraged in that way, makes it messy for both parties

2

Anonymous #12 12w

maybe don't let a crush fester into feelings? like that's kinda obsessive. you don't actually like them you like the idea of them. it shouldn't feel like they broke your heart if they are simply not into you like that.

-4

Anonymous OP 12w

…do you know what a crush even is? Are you just ragebaiting?

2

Anonymous OP 12w

God forbid you actually like the person you spend time with like wth

4

Anonymous #12 12w

yes and it's weird if you have feelings for a crush. i have a crush on Harry Styles but im not like in love with him. i get that's a celebrity crush but my real crushes aren't really any different. like the only difference is i can actually date / get to know them. i'm not gonna confess my feelings to Harry Styles if i were to meet him bc i don't have feelings for him

-1

Anonymous #7 12w

a talking stage tho isn't exclusive. plus if it's past tense thing, i would just trust the person that im talking too that the friend and them worked through that together and it's a non issue. i feel like its unrealistic for you to expect someone you're talking too to not have other people interested in them romantically. like especially if its a first date, i would say it's safe to assume during the talking stage they are talking to other ppl.

1

Anonymous OP 12w

to you, what’s the point of talking if you’re still considering options, everyone has different expectations, and those feelings should not be coming from a friend which is my point exactly

1

Anonymous #7 12w

to keep your options open? you can't sit here and tell me you don't talk to multiple people at the same time? having one or two dates with someone doesn't mean ur in an exclusive relationship...

3

Anonymous OP 12w

then you’re never really entertaining what could be, i don’t see a point to that

1

Anonymous OP 12w

and creates eventual problems of having to deal with all the people that liked you when you finally find someone, will you really have those “friends”?

1

Anonymous OP 12w

Oh you’re a celebrity crush person. Yeah nvm this whole post is a joke

1