but i feel so wrong for thinking that, but im haitian, and haitian funerals are ALWAYS chaotic. my grandpas funeral was the first close relative funeral i’ve been to, and i still get a weird feeling thinking about it. i didnt cry or anything, tho part of me wanted to. i was the closest grandchild to him, i took care of him for 6 years on weekends when i didn’t want to (was only 11 when i started), while everyone else didn’t want to see him too often bc of how hard it was seeing him deteriorate

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a part of me wants it to happen soon bc i’m having surgery and won’t be able to go to something like that (can’t stay sitting longer than an hour), but i just feel so guilty for thinking that

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