Yik Yak logo
Download TikTok Instagram X
Yik Yak icon
Join communities on Yik Yak Download
Fan(fic) Service icon
Fan(fic) Service 22w
Is this paragraph clunky to read or am I okay??????
8 upvotes, 3 comments. Yik Yak image post by Anonymous in Fan(fic) Service. "Is this paragraph clunky to read or am I okay??????"
comment

3
upvote 8 downvote
default user profile icon
Anonymous 22w

It’s because the first sentence takes up five lines. It should have been split into two

upvote 16 downvote
default user profile icon
Anonymous 22w

Perfectly good paragraph, but maybe consider splitting that first sentence into two? Nothing wrong with it but in purely subjective personal taste it feels like two sentences (1. Dana took her to Chinatown; 2. Description of craftswoman/hairpin) smushed into one.

upvote 13 downvote
default user profile icon
Anonymous replying to -> #2 22w

It doesn’t feel clunky tho, just long opening sentence

upvote 11 downvote