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Fan(fic) Service 9w
Is this paragraph clunky to read or am I okay??????
8 upvotes, 3 comments. Yik Yak image post by Anonymous in Fan(fic) Service. "Is this paragraph clunky to read or am I okay??????"
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3
upvote 8 downvote
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Anonymous 9w

It’s because the first sentence takes up five lines. It should have been split into two

upvote 16 downvote
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Anonymous 9w

Perfectly good paragraph, but maybe consider splitting that first sentence into two? Nothing wrong with it but in purely subjective personal taste it feels like two sentences (1. Dana took her to Chinatown; 2. Description of craftswoman/hairpin) smushed into one.

upvote 13 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #2 9w

It doesn’t feel clunky tho, just long opening sentence

upvote 11 downvote