Anonymous #5 5w

i planned my own birthday dinner and we went to texas roadhouse and the waiter never brought out the saddle despite bringing it up to him TWICE still pissed as fuck about that. but that's besides the point we were all supposed to go out after and then out the 8 people that went out after, 5 of them left to go to another bar, and the 3 left went with me to go ice skating. after ice skating i ended up seeing some other friends at a different bar and hung out with them for a couple hours.

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Anonymous OP 5w

Sounds like all in all it shaped up to be a nice outing with friends though, yeah? :)

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Anonymous #3 5w

Right! I think sometimes folks need things like the at spelled out for them. 😭 I had a buddy whose families didn’t really celebrate birthdays, and so it wasn’t quite intuitive for him to celebrate other folk’s birthdays. Still a good friend! He doesn’t like getting gifts but prefers hangout sessions. But he’ll still get me little trinkets bc I like em! :D Hence why I always try to tell folks what things make me feel cared for, and try to ask them same of them. Maybe that could help OP? 🤞

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Anonymous #6 5w

it feels almost bratty to ask someone to plan something for me. that might be how i grew up but it feels like im being ungrateful.

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Anonymous OP 5w

i’m the same way, asking people for things like that feels so wrong

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Anonymous OP 5w

You say that but you still clearly have the expectation they do it and are getting upset that they aren’t. How can you think asking them is ungrateful while thinking the expectation itself isn’t ALSO ungrateful? (I don’t think it is btw, just challenging the logic.) If it’s not ungrateful for you to secretly wish it (which it isn’t) it’s not ungrateful for you to ask for it. Wanting someone to do for you what you do for them is perfectly reasonable. But again you have to SAY what you want.

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Anonymous OP 5w

Ultimately you’ll have to decide what’s more important to you: your fear of vulnerability by asking or getting rid of your unspoken, building resentment? If you wouldn’t look down on a friend asking you to plan a celebration for them you shouldn’t think they’ll look down on you for doing the same.

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Anonymous OP 5w

Omigosh no, not at all! My friends and I all really struggle with subtext too, so we always say things like that out loud to each other. We all agreed it’s so much better, kinder, and more hospitable for everyone when we just speak up about what we need - rather than someone feeling hurt over something they didn’t even know was expected. 😭🤙

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Anonymous OP 5w

Having needs and wants when it comes to feeling cared for by friends isn’t demanding - it’s kind of baseline friendship stuff! I actually look for friends who are willing to speak up if there’s something they want. I really value friends who are willing to be direct - I’d way rather be told than be left guessing, accidentally hurt someone, and/or end up having them secretly mad at me for not guessing. 🥲

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Anonymous #6 5w

Yeah a key part of friendship is people wanting to show up for each other and do things to make the other feel appreciated. No good friend is going to get mad at being told HOW to do that best for you!

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