it was like this weird process that isn’t just like a single event yk?? but being a server made me realize i was autistic just bc of a lot of diff things w that job. i didn’t notice it as much bc adhd masks autism a lot, and adhd just felt normal ig idk ??? or at least when i was drained i heavily felt the autism. but realizing my autism made me notice my adhd thru this process. best way i can explain it is i love my notes app for my little lists on everything i can ever think of
today i had to make myself a list that was like “TURN THE CAR OFF, LOCK THE CAR, TURN THE LIGHTS OFF, LOCK YOUR APARTMENT, UNPLUG EVERYTHING” because the brain fog & paranoia has been INSANE. and idk what it is, might not be ADHD at all, all i know is this is not how i want to keep living 😭
but they are the most chaotic lists you’d ever see and i love making them that way sm😅 or my “special interests” will have me locked in sm on a topic im learning abt but i have to jump from the next like subgroup of that topic right away if i wanna know abt that too before i even get to finish with the other one. sorry its just things like this made me realize why im always like just like all over the place but also stuck at the same time & i keep catching myself being so unhinged since
it could be!!!! honestly i’m not the type to be like kinda invalidating and be like oh maybe but you don’t have it final yet so like no. so if you’re questioning it honestly just read more abt it and listen to more stories if you’d like to!! bc getting evaluated isn’t a quick process ofc. bc ik this stage of being like wtf is wrong w me?!?! is stressful until you can connect the dots. so honestly just read random ass stories online first bc even tho everyone is different i’ve noticed there’s a
way that many ND ppl explain their experiences there’s this feeling of genuine understanding and comfort with knowing like oh okay i might be like this too and ofc like it’s hard but it (personally) feels so freeing. but yeah i feel that i literally cannotttttt do everything i need properly/on time if im just relying on my goofy ass brain like in real time. and also yeah my paranoia is definitely bad i’m sure more to my adhd bc it makes me more impulsive in my thoughts rather than slowing down