Anonymous #2 6d

erm yeah luckily i’m a good person so im gonna contact her. but i could be evil, go on dates with these bozos, and the whole time know they have a bf and not tell them. like lots of guys who cheat are cheating with girls who know and don’t care. i know bc my ex cheated on me with his ex before me and her ass def was telling me all about it. i found out bc i went through his phone. and ykw i trusted him completely even knew his password and he still cheated bc he knew id never go through it.

16

Anonymous OP 6d

Yeah I know but the moment that you’re in a relationship and you’re checking your partners phones you’ve lost trust and it’s become toxic. Really bad advice

20

Anonymous OP 6d

the idea that it’s toxic to go through your partners phone is rhetoric that favors cheating partners. if you trust him, he should have nothing to hide except these men DO. if there’s nothing there, great! my ex was mad i went through his phone. guess what he was mad BC HE WAS CHEATING ON ME AND GOT CAUGHT 😭 i mean i was gonna MARRY HIM

7

Anonymous OP 6d

I’ve been the other girl before, it’s awful but id never check my partners phone ever because that’s snooping and breaking trust

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Anonymous #2 6d

it’s not bad advice. it’s smart. trusting your partner at all costs is just plain stupid. men CHEAT. they just do. every girl who’s been cheated on trusted her man. better not to waste your time. you don’t have to do it behind his back. you should be confident that you can ask him to go through it and he’ll say yes. i am SO GLAD i went thru my ex’s phone. i wasted months dating a man that was cheating bc i didn’t know

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Anonymous #2 6d

then do it in front of him idc. but don’t be stupid lmao

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Anonymous OP 6d

It’s really not. It shows that you have absolutely no trust in your partner and if you have no trust why are you dating them? If you’re at the point where you think “I should do mandatory monthly phone checks because I think he’s cheating on me” either communicate it or break up. It’s not healthy and it’s controlling. Grow up you sound 14

6

Anonymous #2 6d

it’s not controlling. that can be a regular part of a relationship. you should have the confidence in each other that he can checks yours whenever and you can check his. if you wanna be foolish, fine. don’t do it. but i’ve been APPROACHED by men that are cheating, and i’ve been cheated ON. and i trusted every man i dated. call me immature if you want. you’re wasting your time if you can’t be POSITIVE he’s not cheating

7

Anonymous OP 6d

I’d be mad and id never cheat. Because it’s crossing boundaries and showing that you already thought I cheated and shows you have no trust in me. If my partner snoops through my phone without asking id break up with them day of. They can ask and id gladly hand it over but id still feel like the trust isn’t there anymore and they broke it

13

Anonymous OP 6d

If you don’t trust your partner and cannot be in a relationship without violating someone’s privacy, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Go to therapy

11

Anonymous #2 6d

you call it not trusting your partner, and i call it open communication and honesty. see how we can throw these terms around? as someone who’s experienced it, im telling you that being cheated on SUCKS and it’s totally devastating, but it’s worse to waste your time loving a man, caring for a man, having sex with a man, and he’s cheating. my only regret was not going through his phone sooner. months of a painful relationship that i was trying to patch up for us and he was being unfaithful.

8

Anonymous OP 6d

This is also not just me talking, but relationship therapists, aka professionals in this subject. They all disagree with you

5

Anonymous #2 6d

it’s not violating their privacy if they’re okay with it. which they should be. you really wanna be marrying these people and having kids with them and you don’t even have the right to check their phone with their permission? that’s fucking stupid i’m sorry stop being so naive

11

Anonymous OP 6d

It does suck. I’ve experienced it. But I’m not going to go crazy on the next person I date because I don’t trust anyone. You clearly do not have the capability to trust anyone so you shouldn’t date anyone. Let me guess, force them to have Life360, tell them where they’re going, no girl friends because he is going to cheat.

10

Anonymous OP 6d

Sorry I’m not broken and have the ability to trust someone, and I’m sorry you don’t

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Anonymous #2 6d

no they don’t. bc mine didn’t lmao. it’s just basic honesty and communication to HELP with trust. it’s called accountability. but do whatever you want. i’m just saying i’ve been burned before and im not doing that shit again. i mean i had his PASSWORD he used to leave his phone OUT in front of me and he was cheating the whole time i never knew bc i didn’t want to be “distrustful” and look through it and he knew that.

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Anonymous #2 6d

clearly you haven’t. ykw it’s normal for people in a relationship to share location, share phone passwords, and check up on each other to FOSTER trust. like it or not, people cheat. better to know sooner rather than later. i mean do whatever you want, but these men are cheating on yall or trying to and you don’t know.

9

Anonymous OP 6d

“The reality of checking your partner’s phone is that there is always uncertainty about what your partner is doing, and while it might seem like peeking at their phone will give you the info you’re looking for, it rarely stops there. “Checking your partner’s phone feeds the part of your brain that asks those questions,” says Kilduff.

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Anonymous OP 6d

In the moment, checking your partner’s phone may provide temporary relief. However, after a while, those same questions may pop up—repeating the cycle. Each time you check their phone, you might find something that sparks new questions or doubts, leading to more snooping.”

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Anonymous OP 6d

““The checks tend to grow in nature beyond the phone. It’s a pointless and stressful exercise that has no end. There is no number of times you’ll check someone’s phone and decide you trust them completely,” Kilduff adds.”

9

Anonymous #2 6d

that’s their opinion, and my therapist has another opinion. it’s all subjective and it depends on what works for you. what works for me is being able to trust my partner which i do by having confidence that i could check his phone and he wouldn’t have a problem with it. if you feel like you can’t do that, check who you’re dating…

7

Anonymous #2 6d

do what you want. the men are cheating. i’ve experienced it personally. i think it’s better to know but if you wanna be naive and waste years with a man who’s trying to get with other women, go for it.

0

Anonymous OP 6d

“However, while your concerns might be real, it’s crucial to approach the situation thoughtfully and with respect. Instead of automatically resorting to checking their phone, it’s better to have an open, honest conversation about what’s making you feel uneasy”

9

Anonymous OP 6d

“Sometimes it’s not a problem in the relationship that may be driving you to check your partner’s phone—in fact, they may not have given you any reason to doubt them. There’s a subtype of OCD known as relationship OCD (ROCD), that may actually be the driving force behind your behavior.” Seek help

5

Anonymous OP 6d

“It’s not fair for your partner to carry the burden of your past trauma. Checking your partner’s phone isn’t about them. It’s about you not being able to trust yourself that you’re amazing enough for them to be 100% dedicated to you”

2

Anonymous OP 6d

“Plus, secretly surveilling your partner is bound to sabotage your romance, Dr. Lira de la Rosa points out. That’s because all healthy relationships need boundaries that give each person space and independence. “It’s normal to want to keep some things private,” he says (such as group chats with pals or awkward selfies)—which is why “a reluctance to give up their phone or password doesn’t automatically mean your partner is hiding something,” he adds”

5

Anonymous #2 6d

“And even if they’ve given you a reason to be suspicious (perhaps they cheated once, or previously lied about their whereabouts), constantly keeping tabs on them and second-guessing their intentions won’t bring you two any closer.”

4

Anonymous #2 6d

“Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains. And because you didn’t have faith in them, they probably won’t trust you either: Your SO can’t know for sure that you won’t continue to snoop, which, Dr. Lira de la Rosa says, can make them less likely to open up in the future. And next thing you know, that emotional distance may kill your spark. (Even research suggests that digital snooping can lead to a breakup by increasing feelings of anxiety and distrust.)”

4

Anonymous #2 6d

girl miss me with that shit. i know im amazing. i also know he cheated on me. and while i know thats not my fault, dont try to blame me for not “being trustful.” you need to think critically about the kind of rhetoric you’re spreading here. i’m telling you NOW that i have PERSONALLY seen men cheat on all sides of the equation. not checking in is like not wearing a seatbelt bc you trust the driver. it’s fucking stupid.

1

Anonymous OP 6d

“If you’re trying to find out how to snoop or what to look for when snooping, think about why you’re doing this. While quickly snooping through a partner’s phone may put your worries at ease, it could signify deeper relationship issues. The snooping behavior may be a sign of another problem. By understanding why you feel you need to look through your partner’s phone, you can find an alternative way to approach the situation.”

2

Anonymous OP 6d

You need help because you’re disagreeing with actual scientists. Professionals. I can continue to list more doctors saying it’s a terrible thing to do

1

Anonymous OP 6d

“ Dr. Tirrell DeGannes, Licensed Clinical Psychologist in New York City, says that looking through your partner’s phone “may infer that trust is not well-built between the two people in the relationship. Curiosity is one thing but actively going through someone’s phone is an exercise of mistrust. That person may be justified in not trusting the other, but that relationship should be looked at if that is the case.” “

2

Anonymous OP 6d

“If you suspect cheating, usually, there’s a better way to find out the truth than snooping through your partner’s phone. Whether you’re fueled by jealousy or a light curiosity, there are other ways to start the conversation. If you suspect cheating, start by thinking about why you suspect it”

3

Anonymous #2 6d

actual scientists WERE NOT IN MY FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. ykw why don’t you crawl back to wherever you came from and stop hurting women by convincing them to be naive. becuase to be clear I COULD NOT GIVE LESS OF A FUCK WHAT SOME RANDOM MEN WITH A FEW YEARS OF SCHOOL HAVE TO SAY ABOUT ME TRUSTING MY BOYFRIEND!!!! if you don’t wanna go thru his phone, don’t <3! hope this helps! 😍 reply again and i’m actually gonna block u

1

Anonymous #1 6d

no definitely do not do that!

1

Anonymous OP 6d

*was NOT telling me about it

1

Anonymous OP 6d

Aww so that doesn’t matter sweetie, you’re still going against professionals because you clearly lack trust “I could give less what these female* doctors, who devoted their lives and are quite credible say about my obvious trust issues”

4

Anonymous OP 6d

Please block me botch

5

Anonymous OP 6d

2 doctors I mentioned were women babes, one was a man

3

Anonymous #2 6d

and they were NOT dating my cheating ex :/

1

Anonymous OP 6d

Aww so you do have trust issues!

6

Anonymous OP 6d

Block me bitch

4

Anonymous OP 6d

Or do you want some more women doctors saying what you’re doing is pathetic and shows you’re mentally ill

5

With decades more of education about it than you

4

With that attitude you’ll definitely be cheated on more often, people with low self esteem and trust issues tend to date men who abuse those facts

5

Aww so you’re all bark no bite, where’s that block babes

6

Good for you! Admitting you don’t trust your partners! First step is to admit you have a problem

4

Anonymous OP 6d

all I’ve learned from this is that you two shouldn’t date 💀

8

Anonymous OP 6d

also, everyone has a different idea of a “healthy relationship” and different boundaries related to that. I personally am a private person and would never let someone touch my phone, but that’s because I’m emotionally open and expect the same from my partner

3

Anonymous OP 6d

Trust I do NOT want even know what’s on that

4

Anonymous OP 6d

Maybe check to see if she’s commented on posts? I’m sure you have though. Or see if she’s in posts he’s tagged in/ if she’s posted him

5

Anonymous OP 6d

check the likes

9

Anonymous OP 6d

it’s okay to have differing opinions and personally idc if a future partner checks my phone and vice versa cuz i have nothing to hide or any embarrassing shit. it just really depends on the relationship and ppl.

1

Anonymous #1 6d

Glad I wasn’t the only one

5

Anonymous #4 6d

i tried but he follows like a million women 😭

3