
I’ve also become very explosive lately. I’ve started yelling a lot. I never yelled. I was always so gentle and calm. It’s what I was known for by everyone, still am by most people. But my gentleness keeps getting me taken advantage of and I guess I’m frustrated. I hate who I’m becoming, and I hate that the world punished me for being kind and patient.
I’m acting like my dad basically and I hate but I can’t manage my anger it just comes out and I can’t stop it— I’m basically becoming the worst version of myself and I don’t want people to see this side of me. I lock myself away from the world and I don’t like talking to new people or making new friends bc of how I’m acting. I’m becoming so miserable and toxic and so so mean even though I’m the complete opposite at heart. It’s like im wearing the face of the people I’ve hated.
Me too like word for word that’s how I feel right now— it feels like I just want to destroy everything in sight. Although after the explosion and anger is released all I feel is misery and disgust because it hurts me when I hurt other people. It makes me want to hurt myself instead. And it’s a constant loop of pleasing other people while slowly destroying myself until it becomes to much and it shows on the surface with these bursts of anger. I don’t know where it’s supposed to go—
i totally understand, i went through this too. is there a certain thing triggering you that wasn’t there before? mine was my relationship… try to remember who you are and who you want to be and focus on yourself rather than other ppl. you can find ways to be your calm and patient self, while also not letting ppl walk all over you either. it just takes a lot of control, boundaries, and possibly leaving triggering situations
when you feel it building up, find a way to release it or take space from the situation, BEFORE it gets to the explosion point, that’s the only way… keep in mind who you are, be gentle on yourself too, make a list of your morals!! set boundaries, you don’t need to please anyone. focus on self love/respect and self esteem. that girl you used to be is still inside you, you just have to find her again🫶🏼
i relate so much. rest probably wont help, try to find hobbies and things you enjoy doing alone. become best friends with yourself to build your esteem. your good heart is still in there, but pain and self hatred only turns it rotten. be easy on yourself, you can only heal it if you nurture it and love yourself. make new friends slowly, but prioritize YOURSELF first, when you prioritize them over yourself you allow them to take full control over your emotions and worth