I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way but this is a really common experience for folks with some kind body dysmorphia, especially since it seems to be a kind of cycle. I’ve seen my mom go through it my whole life. It’s hard not to when our culture is so critical of women and wants us to be young at all costs. I might gently suggest reaching out to somebody about this. I suspect you have been and continue to be beautiful all along.