Anonymous #2 17w

1 year according to second message

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Anonymous witchy_salem 17w

ah i missed that. it’s scary bc men will really wait for a longgg time before switching up. but people can also change. i’m curious how old he is now vs how old he was in 2023 and what has changed in his life since then

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Anonymous #2 17w

my friend’s (now ex) boyfriend waited nearly 2 years to switch up and she was aware that other people were coming forward about how shitty he was

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Anonymous #3 17w

if you do this option, please please please have someone with you just in case

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Anonymous witchy_salem 17w

right? it’s so hard to know who to trust. i want to have hope for change but therapy generally needs to be involved and pattern wise these things generally don’t get better. i think consistent name calling and gaslighting would be the biggest signs to run. i think ppl can be toxic accidentally based on traumas and how they were raised but repeated and intentional cruelty is something else entirely. and will also be representative of how he feels about women in general

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Anonymous witchy_salem 17w

No youre right tho. I guess im still in denial. It’s just why all of a sudden they decided to text me this shortly after our anniversary, idk how they found my IG it was just weird like who are you… 😭 but its def him in the pics and the way he messages too

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Anonymous #2 17w

*who to trust as in which men to trust

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Anonymous #2 17w

He was 23 then, 25 now. I guess he felt as if I was different and we moved in together 7 months in, he really has been providing for us fr but he does have the tendency to get depressed & stuff

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Anonymous #4 17w

or do it in a public space. you’ll still have privacy but someone can step in if things go bad

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Anonymous OP 17w

Did you know him prior to dating him for seven months?

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Anonymous #4 17w

yes!! this, contact one of ur friends and let them know what ur doing and when

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Anonymous #3 17w

You’re right. I think after this I’m going to, it’s kind of bothering me. Like yeah I’ll still love him ofc, ppl change, but it’s only one way to know. I just don’t have any girl friends or any one else to talk about this too so I appreciate the comments

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Anonymous OP 17w

i mean 23 is pretty damn old enough to know better. i think men generally tell girls that they’re “different” but the only thing that changes is the behavior they choose to reveal. has he had therapy? do you know how long the last relationship was? are there possible red flags you’re overlooking because everything else seems so good?

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Anonymous #4 17w

I did not

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Anonymous OP 17w

who asked who to move in

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Anonymous OP 17w

also how old are you?

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Anonymous #2 17w

He has had therapy but he didn’t like it, thinks it’s weird to talk to a stranger but I try to convince him. It wasn’t really a relationship according to him it was more of a “situationship” but he knew it was bad for him. I probably was in the beginning but he did tell me prior he had depression & stuff and I understood. He definitely has some red flags and he knows himself but I can see he is trying his best to fix himself.

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Anonymous #4 17w

He did, sorry if what I’m saying with the timeline is confusing. So we started dating in May 2024 and we moved in December 2024, he asked to move in and at first I wasn’t sure of it but I’ve been rooming with terrible roommates so it was a better idea for me. So far everything is fine it’s just he gets in his depressed moods sometimes which is why these messages and pictures are like starting to bother me

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Anonymous #2 17w

I’m 21

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Anonymous OP 17w

so did you start dating when you were 20 and he was 24? i hope im not sounding judgemental btw, just want to put together the clues and help you figure out your next steps. also what are his red flags?

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Anonymous OP 17w

I’m sorry if this sounds blunt, but this is a red flag in my opinion 😟 And it’s not even the age gap necessarily but it’s the fact that he’s 25 and has a history of being manipulative/toxic/abusive and he asked you to move in with him after seven months of dating. Plus, he probably doesn’t like therapy because he knows he’s a bad person and he doesn’t want his therapist to tell him that😭 “nobody understands me” type deal

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Anonymous #2 17w

I appreciate the comments and thoughts y’all have, I’m not looking at it as offensive or anything I just genuinely don’t know what to do. Like I never been in this situation before, my life is pretty generic and he is my first boyfriend ever. I only see these kind of things happen in tv shows/movies so it’s just strange lol

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Anonymous OP 17w

i think him being your first boyfriend ever, plus being significantly older than you (it’s not so much that 4 years is a large gap, but developmentally and life experience yall were in very different places when you started dating) can lead to you missing some signs or genuinely thinking things are normal and ok just because you haven’t known anything else. the excitement of a bf and moving in can lead to rose-colored glasses. abusive behavior doesn’t just disappear, it requires specific 1/2

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Anonymous #2 17w

2/2 effort on changing it. i also think him saying it was more of a situationship and it was bad for *HIM* kind of downplays the harm he did and avoids accountability for his actions. does he call you names? do you have a habit of trusting his word/version of events more than your own? have you become more isolated from your friends and/or family over the span of this relationship?

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Anonymous #2 17w

Yes, I turn 22 this year it’s a 3 year age difference I just have a late birthday. 2003 and 2000. & you’re good. He’s my ideal man and every positive thing I look for in a guy. He has depression and adhd and probably some undiagnosed ocd. Not saying that excuses his behavior or anything but I think that contributes to some of his red flags like when he gets depressed or upset he crashes out, not at me but at himself. I think some fucked up things happened growing up and led to some weird

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Anonymous OP 17w

“Relationships” in the past. He is ashamed for how he acted and he is trying to not be like that anymore. When we first met he has been nothing but positive really, I guess when we moved in I started to see some changes and idk if the pressure of life (working, trying to provide for us, new home, new life, etc) got to him or something. But I can see he tries his best

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Anonymous OP 17w

it’s very sweet that you’re giving him grace for his depression and adhd and ocd. what changes happened when he first moved in if you don’t mind me asking? also, does he ever crash out at you or call you names? i’ve sent a lot of comments so idk if you’ve seen everything yet but have u become more isolated since dating him, like maybe he doesn’t want u to go out much?

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Anonymous #2 17w

He doesn’t call me names, I do have a habit of trusting his word and version of events and I think too since he is my first I’m protective and will always side with him. But if he does something wrong I will let him know and he will try to correct himself. It’s crazy to think about but I guess kind of. I’m still close with my family but my friends not so much, we have gotten to know each others families and such so I think that’s a good thing at least

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Anonymous #2 17w

I’m going to reply to you soon, I’m in the middle of something right now but I appreciate your inputs sm!

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Anonymous OP 17w

of course take ur time! i realized ur not caught up yet so i’ll stop replying for now :)

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