Anonymous birthcontrolfairy 9w

ur actually helping me sm ty😅

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Anonymous birthcontrolfairy 9w

should i take a plan b if like stuff with the condom doesn’t go right? (we’re both bad at putting them on and i don’t trust his pull out game even tho he says he’s gonna)

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Anonymous OP 9w

So, there’s the physiological answer to this, the psychological answer, and then the real answer. Physiologically, you’re protected by Opill. There’s no need to introduce more hormones that will just cause side effects that will freak you out. Psychologically, your anxiety might get the best of you and having that perception of “extra” protection may ease your mind. Realistically, no one is “bad” at condoms. You’re just not sized correctly or not educated on proper use. What issues do you hit?

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Anonymous birthcontrolfairy 9w

ok i’m gonna get tmi for a sec. he’s like average size so im confused why this is happening, i have tried using Trojans (the blue ones??) and they don’t roll down. it looks too tight and like its going to roll off. idk if you know the answer to this but could i be putting it on inside out? i just bought Durex so im trying those next time (i also recently practiced putting one on a perfume bottle lol)

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Anonymous OP 9w

Probably inside out. Remember sombrero not beanie. And pinch the tip (not with nails, with just your fingers). They should be tight but not constrictive and pinching the tip leaves a space to collect fluid. When he withdraws, he should hold the base to be sure it doesn’t slip off. Keep in mind that girth is just as important as length with condom sizing. Does the image help?

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Anonymous birthcontrolfairy 9w

yes that’s super helpful! ok one last thing—we kinda argue abt sex bc he doesn’t want to wear a condom, he says it feels better without. but i really would feel better if he did. i was trying to keep the fact that im now on birth control a secret from him but he overheard me talking abt it with my friend. how do i make sure he 1. wears a condom and 2. is like going to pull out in time (like can you tell when they’re abt to finish and is it possible to pull it out yourself LMAO). sry for the tmi!

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Anonymous OP 9w

Are you safe in this relationship? That’s a massive red flag. Why doesn’t he want you to feel safe and secure when you’re having sex? Like seriously I know this can be hard to hear but that is NOT how a relationship should be. Having to hide your reproductive health and safety is not normal. He’s putting his pleasure over your safety and consent. Pleaseeee put a pause on sex with him and talk to some people you trust about this.

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Anonymous birthcontrolfairy 9w

we’ve never had sex, and we’re both going off to college in ohio and florida very soon. so it’s over in like 20 days, and i like actually do want to have sex. he definitely will put one on, he just doesn’t want to, if that makes sense.

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Anonymous OP 9w

Honey, if you felt the need to keep your birth control a secret from him, you should not be fucking him. How do you make sure he wears a condom? You tell him you want him to and he should respect that, no argument. He’ll cum with or without. If there’s even a glimmer in the back of your mind that he might stealth or coerce you, run far away from him and don’t look back. No man should trade off your comfort and safety for his pleasure.

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Anonymous OP 9w

something tells me he’s not actually bad at putting them on and that’s just an excuse to not want to wear one/learn. he’s a man, he can easily learn to put a condom on.

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Anonymous #2 9w

i’m the one that puts them on bc in his past relationship he didn’t wear them (she had an IUD) and he says he doesn’t know how. i’m ok w doing it myself bc id rather make sure its on right, but i think ive accidentally put them on inside out each time so we’ve never been able to have sex

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Anonymous birthcontrolfairy 9w

thank you sm🥹i swear he’s not like evil, he has said he doesn’t want to make me do anything i don’t want to do, i am also a big over thinker and worried that since he hasn’t had sex in a while he’s gonna like forget he needs to pull out or smth

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Anonymous OP 9w

hey i just want to echo what other people here have been saying, this really doesn’t feel safe. i know you may think he’s a good person and maybe that’s true, but from what you’re saying he sounds shady. how does he know it feels better without a condom if he’s never had sex with one on? and if he has had sex with one on, then he knows how to put it on. you said he’ll definitely wear a condom, but your comment right before said you want to make sure he does. meaning you’re uncertain about it

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Anonymous #3 9w

i know you’re excited to have sex and really want to, but i don’t think you should be doing it with this guy. it would be better to wait a little longer and find someone you actually feel comfortable with. you don’t want to feel bad after you have sex for the first time or regret it! this could potentially be a very negative experience which may affect your excitement about sex going forward. i don’t think you’re overthinking in this scenario, i suspect your gut is telling you something.

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Anonymous #3 9w

yeah i get that, this is what my friends say too. for me, it’s not a situation where i want to do it bc im pressured or scared of losing him, i like genuinely want to have sex and he’s my only option rn lol. he wore a condom once legit like 3 years ago with the ex apparently. so it’s been a while. my biggest worry is not the condom (bc i’ll get him to wear it) but rather him not pulling out in time, even w it on lol. i just want to be cautious bc im a very anxious person & he’d be a bad dad lol

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Anonymous #3 9w

wow wait thank u, just saw this after i replied to ur first comment. i definitely agree. i just get caught up in the heat of the moment if ykwim lol. im trying to approach it without making it a big deal if i do end up doing it. ur right abt the gut feeling, im very uncertain. but i also really dont enjoy college hookup culture and want a more sincere first time

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Anonymous OP 9w

i def see where you’re coming from, i’m just genuinely worried for you and i have a feeling it might not end up with you feeling good. i also don’t really trust what he says. i will say speaking from personal experience, my first time was with someone i felt ready with, was excited about, and fully trusted to not violate my consent. i trusted that he would stop when i said stop, and that he would not pressure me into doing something if i changed my mind. it was a difficult experience for me 1/2

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Anonymous #3 9w

2/2 physically, but i left feeling good and confident and safe because he did all of those things and made sure i felt ok all throughout. he was experienced and i was not, and he was thinking of me before himself. this does not sound like a man who is thinking of you before himself, and that’s why im nervous for you. i think its much better to wait than risk a damaging experience, even if the anticipation is killing you, i get it. i also think if you’re worried you’ll get carried away in 2/3

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Anonymous #3 9w

3/3 heat of the moment and be more susceptible to coercion or just giving in to what he wants, your best bet is to avoid seeing him in a sexual context entirely. i would encourage you to take a preventative measure here and really listen to what your body is telling you about this man. if you do go through with it of course you don’t need to beat yourself up about it or make it a big deal! but this person doesn’t sound like someone who would be gentle with you and check in every step of the way

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Anonymous #3 9w

i really appreciate this. where i’m at rn is like that ik it might not be the best decision but it’s possible for it to spontaneously happen soon, and if that’s the case i want to be prepared. it’s also possible it’s not going to happen, ive backed out many times. i’m trying to not be hard on myself abt it either way

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