Anonymous #1 14w

not saying it's your fault they get defensive/argumentative, to be clear

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Anonymous #1 14w

a lot of the time in like “I don’t like that you did this, and can you explain to me why you did xyz” and it goes back to the same argument of me feeling like my feelings don’t matter

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Anonymous OP 14w

And her invalidating my feelings, no I get what you mean context is important

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Anonymous #1 14w

are the things you want them to change in the zone between their ability and willingness to change? if they could change but don't want to or make excuses or deflect by bringing up your own shortcomings, what does that say about their regard for your feelings?

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Anonymous #1 14w

She tells me “this is all I’m giving you” but I feel like I’m giving her 90 percent every day and I get 10 percent from her. She definitely has told me she’s not changing anything.

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Anonymous OP 14w

that sounds like a clear incompatibility of needs and it must be so hard to wrestle with the idea of leaving someone you truly love but you need to think about how it would feel to be dealing with the same frustrations months or years from now

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Anonymous OP 14w

"feeling like my feelings don't matter" spoke straight to my heart 💔 had a few partners make me feel this way and it made me question my worth for YEARS

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Anonymous #1 14w

I know I don’t feel secure and valued in my relationship with her because of the lack of effort I feel, and i definitely think that’s something that can be fixed she’s just not willing to do it. It’s confusing because she sits here and says she loves me and cares about me but not enough to show me?

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Anonymous OP 14w

i'm genuinely crying remembering having these feelings myself. i rationalize it to myself that everyone experiences love differently and what you and i are willing to give is beyond what others are. so when we project our definitions and expectations of love onto them and think they should act how we would, it's unfair for both parties. you know deep down you won't get what you need, they probably feel guilty for not giving it or angry that you're so insistent

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Anonymous #1 14w

so you build resentment and it feels like it's directly contradicting between their words and actions

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Anonymous #1 14w

I understand that everyone shows love differently, but I think it’s gets to a point where if I constantly say something is bothering me and I don’t feel like xyz is enough don’t you think that she would try and make it better or even ask what she could do to make me not feel like that anymore? Instead it turns into arguments and her calling me ungrateful and crazy because I keep bringing it up. I do feel like I have a resentment towards the relationship now

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Anonymous #1 14w

i think you have to think about how your future or past self would say about the self-respect you're demonstrating when you allow someone to continuously fall short of what your hypothetical dream partner would be *eager* to do for you. because i feel so so so sad for the girl i was who had to beg for connection from my partner and ended up using sex to get it instead of drawing a boundary that they needed to spend more time being vulnerable with me

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Anonymous #1 14w

You’re definitely right, thank you for talking with me. I think her and I need to sit down and have a serious conversation about what we expect out if each other and if that’s not something she can fulfill I need to learn to walk away for my own peace and respect

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Anonymous OP 14w

this kind of sounds like pathological demand avoidance, could be something to research for some more resources maybe?

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Anonymous OP 14w

sending so much love 🫶

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