Anonymous #1 4w

I feel like people misinterpreted this SO much

183

Anonymous cyborgirl 4w

Yes! You don’t owe a stranger your phone number but if your friend needs a ride to the airport and you’re able to take them, you should….decency has gone out the window for a lot of folks

225

Anonymous OP 4w

and like now i’m responding to her texts sporadically because i’m busy as fuck because i have to clean up her mess. i get that she made the choice that was right for her but really all she’s done is transferred her frustrations onto half a dozen other people, including me

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Anonymous #1 4w

what’s crazy is when we first met she was in a really unhappy relationship but didnt want to break up with him bc he’d be upset and i told her “you dont owe anyone anything” and she said that completely changed her life. like girl i meant you don’t owe this shitty man the rest of your life in a relationship with him. you do owe ME some things because we are best friends and that is how friendships work. we owe each other kindness and consideration and doing things for each others’ sakes

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Anonymous OP 4w

does that make sense like i don’t mean “i’ve been a good friend to you so now you owe me!!!!” i just mean “you should consider my feelings when making decisions that affect me especially when we have such a close relationship”

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Anonymous OP 4w

could you elaborate? what did she do?

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Anonymous mother_russia 4w

I’m really sorry she is treating you like that and honestly be straight up with her about that.

1

Anonymous #9 4w

i totally empathize with that and there’s def a happy medium. you shouldn’t make yourself miserable all the time to make people happy. but you also shouldn’t act solely in your own self interest 100% of the time

12

Anonymous OP 4w

Like I said though, I can’t do what I simply cannot do. I can’t be a friend if I can’t be a functioning human being either.

7

Anonymous #9 4w

i feel like you’re missing the point. sometimes you need to do things for your loved ones that inconvenience you. something like walking your friend home when it’s out of their way, or calling them when they need your support even though you’re tired. if you literally can’t do something, that’s obviously different than just not wanting to.

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Anonymous OP 4w

I think *you* are missing what I’m saying. It’s a difference between doing something that’s inconvenient verses doing something you cannot actually do without entirely physically and mentally depleting you.

0

It’s selfish to always think about yourself but it’s also selfish to not respect that others have very valid boundaries and need to take care of themselves. Boundaries exist because of selfish people .

0

Anonymous #9 4w

okay then why are you commenting on my post with something that’s clearly outside the scope of it

11

Anonymous OP 4w

Because it needs to be said.

0

Anonymous #9 4w

yup and lots of people are saying it and my post is a direct response

9

Anonymous #9 4w

Bean soup ahh comment

2

Anonymous OP 4w

And my comment is a direct response. In actuality we all can be selfish because this post itself can be selfish. There is a balance. And honestly, the only person that can know that balance is the one who is doing (or not doing) the thing. You never know what anyone is carrying so it’s unfair and honestly quite selfish to assume what their own capability is in the first place. This isn'f black and white.

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Anonymous #9 4w

I think ur totally missing the point

9

Anonymous #9 4w

If it’s balanced then it’s not selfish. If you just can’t make yourself available for others to rely on you all the time for selfish reasons but ppl are considering you, then that’s selfish asf. Sometimes ppl aren’t aware but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s selfish.

9

Anonymous #6 4w

tldr she was an actor in a theater production that i’m managing, she was super unhappy and dropped out a month before we open with no warning, which creates a lot of extra work and stress for me, the directors, and a lot of other people

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Anonymous #6 4w

honestly my general point stands but i’m less angry at her now and maybe it’s unfair of me to think she should’ve stuck it out just to make things easier for me/others. and obv the situation is way more nuanced than i can get into in a comments section

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Anonymous OP 4w

No warning?! That’s so ridiculous. Unless it’s literally she had zero time to warn anyone and realistically had no choice but to drop out (like if she developed a health condition) that’s not even about friendship, that’s just common courtesy

21

Anonymous #1 4w

you don’t owe anyone anything, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything for anyone. kindness means choosing to do things you don’t have to. we need to choose it more

7