Anonymous mother_russia 1w

I’d say 40% of men active abuse (this is a guess) 20% of them are fully aware they are abusive but think it’s fine. 58% of the remaining men think they are good guys but never think outside themselves to understand what women go through, and the remaining 2% are men that actually try and care.

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Anonymous mother_russia 1w

Majority are just so insanely complacent and will never spend their energy to help women struggling or to fix the system

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Anonymous mother_russia 1w

you can’t be unaware that you’re abusive. you’re part of the problem.

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Anonymous #3 1w

You can absolutely be unaware 💀 men are in denial all the time. The studies on rape? The men that would say they would rape their partner went down by 50% when the actual word rape was used rather than just the definition. That’s men specifically being in denial about being sexually abusive.

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Anonymous #3 1w

In records of therapists working with abusive men or couples where the man is abusive, many times the men will say things like “well I would never do (more extreme abuse), I’m not abusive/a monster” because they will rationalize their behavior to make a way around it. Even if you explain it they won’t accept that they are abusive. Denial is a really strong emotion

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Anonymous #3 1w

Also saying this as someone who had a minorly abusive partner (sexual and emotional abuse) who to this day would never believe they were abusive. I mean this so literally. I could spell out how specific the abuse was and he would never understand. I could take him to court and convicted he would still be convinced people just are misunderstanding something.

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Anonymous mother_russia 1w

being in denial ≠ being unaware

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Anonymous mother_russia 1w

i’m also saying this as someone who had an emotionally and physically abusive boyfriend. they are absolutely aware, they just play dumb.

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Anonymous #3 1w

So I very very specifically stated at the beginning “in denial”. That was the first thing I said, you were the one who used the term “unaware” so I assumed that what you were equating it to. Being in denial is to some extent not fully aware.

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Anonymous #3 1w

Some absolutely are play dumb, weaponized incompetence, but others genuinely can’t see themselves as a bad person and will always rationalize what they do. It’s very statistically documented and I’ve personally experienced it. It not being the case for you doesn’t negate that many abusers will never actually see what they were doing as abuse.

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Anonymous #3 1w

Either way, they can’t be reasoned with. Someone in denial will stay there and someone fully aware won’t change their behavior. I don’t want people to think that me saying they are in denial means you should stay and reason with them, definitely don’t. I just mean that in their mind their actions are justified and it’s an excuse to why their actions are an exception to the general definition of abuse.

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Anonymous #3 1w

It’s a narcissistic characteristic, not inherent that they are actual narcissists but some abusers tend to share that sentiment of they couldn’t possibly be wrong and people are just jumping to conclusions or taking it out of context and it really wasn’t that bad etc.

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Anonymous mother_russia 1w

my god you do not need 4 different fucking comments 💔💔 you can so easily get this point across in one

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Anonymous mother_russia 1w

the issue is you say 20% are actually aware of it, you’re just gross for saying that an excusing their behavior. it is 1000000% much more than just that small amount that are unaware.

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Anonymous #3 1w

None of that was excusing their behavior at all and I said that 50% of actual abusers and 20% of all men. I think you’re either reading my comments wrong or just purposefully trying to make it sound like I said something different.

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Anonymous #3 1w

Clearly I can’t get the point across in one message if you still keep misinterpreting stuff after 4.

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Anonymous mother_russia 1w

no i just don’t want to read you spewing the same ignorant nonsense over and over

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Anonymous #3 1w

Ignorant. Right. Guess me and my own abuse can fuck off as well as abusers and multiple survivors I have met and discussed this with. 🙄 many other survivors hold the same belief that I do. “Do abusers know they are abusive” survivors form shows a lot of survivors perspectives on past abusers.

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Anonymous #3 1w

I suggest reading some of them. Or studies on how abusers function and their psychology, because narcissistic behavior and an inability/refusal to recognize that what they are doing is abuse is actually quite common.

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