Anonymous #2 13w

But I do know families who act like that. It’s a shame and it is not normal

1

Anonymous #3 13w

My parents are too controlling they don’t let me leave the house alone, I’m tryna get out but my mom and I were talking today and she was like we should go on a vacation. I said no cuz I hate my dad, but then she was like we should do something

1

Anonymous OP 13w

But like, what leverage do they have? They say no, you do the thing anyway, that happens?

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Anonymous #3 13w

They forced me to take out loans which they are paying back, they always threaten me that they will just stop paying the loan back

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Anonymous OP 13w

Dw I have a job, and I’m tryna get out but yeah it’s bad

1

Anonymous OP 13w

So get a job and start paying them yourself.

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Anonymous #3 13w

The loans were for my parents, I had no say, yeah it’s illegal but they did it using my name

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Anonymous OP 13w

Second job. I had 3 to get by I undergrad. If you want out, you’ll get out. If not, stay under their rules.

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Anonymous #3 13w

Yeah I paid my entire undergrad myself and my parents took out “student loans” in my name so they could pay a car off. The car is theirs, the registration is theirs. They are paying off the loan. I also worked 3 jobs and all that. I was a cna getting paid to clean peoples shit literally, it was a min wage job, I got 30k from it. Worked 16 hrs regularly

1

Anonymous OP 13w

Also I have 3 jobs rn, I’m saving up for a masters rn, have u seen the economy, with my loans rn I won’t be approved to take out anymore loans unless I co-sign and I’m not doing that so I’m in a shitty situation. Also, I went out of state for my last 2 years of college cuz my dad assaulted me, I paid out of state tuition.

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Anonymous OP 13w

What my parents did is fucked up, it’s so bad. But I’m not paying that loan cuz I don’t own the car, I’d rather save up for my masters without any more loans over my head. U don’t get to tell me that I’m not doing anything cuz I am, as we can see here

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Anonymous OP 13w

So if they didn’t use any of the loan on you, sue/ report them. Either you owe them something and you stay under their rules or you cut loose. If they committed identity, theft, or some shit, let them be accountable for it.

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Anonymous OP 13w

OK, so stay under their rules and get them to keep bank rolling you or get independent. Complaining while they keep funding you is wild.

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Anonymous #3 13w

Who says they’re funding me, I pay rent. I pay for my own food and everything.

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Anonymous OP 13w

So what’s the leverage then?

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Anonymous OP 13w

I just want to keep a lil bit of a tolerable relationship, as soon as the loan is payed off I’ll move out but in my culture if u don’t have a relationship with ur parents, ur not a good candidate for marriage like in my culture a marriage of 2 people implicates a marriage of families together, therefore I have to keep a lil tolerable relationship with my fam

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Anonymous #3 13w

The leverage is still the loan, I can’t just leave they would stop paying and disown me. I wanna get married in my life time and it’s bad if I don’t have a relationship with my fam so I can’t do that. If I sue my parents they’d also disown me. See the issue

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Anonymous OP 13w

Since the loan is in my name I’m still applying for scholarships to pay it back faster or for my masters, but I can’t just leave it alone

1

Anonymous OP 13w

So they do have financial leverage over you because they are funding you. Why tf would you want to perpetuate a toxic culture like that?

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Anonymous #3 13w

Why are they “funding me” when the loan is literally their car? Also it’s not abt continuing a culture, it’s abt how I’m seen by every other family in my culture. U have to do stuff like that in my culture, it’s complex but u have too

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Anonymous OP 13w

If their “car loan” has financial implications for you, and you’re not willing to sue/report for their fraud, they’re funding you. If your “culture” is detrimental to your life and you continue to play into it, that’s not culture; that’s you playing into toxicity. Either break the cycle or stop complaining while it continues to benefit you. “You have to” isn’t a valid excuse for adults.

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Anonymous #3 13w

I don’t think you’re understanding. OP is getting some support from her parents. For now, the negatives outweigh the positives. It would set off her whole life path for her to literally try to send her parents to jail. That’s unreasonable

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Anonymous #2 13w

But she should still be able to take a vacation on her own dime

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Anonymous #2 13w

I also come from a family with some fucked up things- for example, if I came out to them, I would probably stop receiving all money and maybe be kicked out of the house. People have told me I should cut them off for that and that it makes them horrible people. I have a different perspective

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Anonymous #1 13w

Well yeah. Obviously. Doesn’t mean she needs to send her parents to court

1